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I feel like Im dying inside!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 657792" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Wow, Copa. I did suffer from depression, but I never did lie in bed and toss and turn over E. and her abuse or the fact that my siblings apparently missed it. I went on with life focusing on my new family and a few dear friends, one who died too soon. I did not angst over whether I should have compassion for E. or not. She was so vile to me that compassion was not on the radar. I could see nothing about her that needed my compassion. So I slept fine. And I didn't feel guilty. I tried to mend the relationship before she was gone as I believe that it is best spiritually to solve these issues before one passes.</p><p></p><p>It didn't work.</p><p></p><p>The tossing and turning came now, after I realized, mostly because of how my sibs don't know about the abuse, that I was in fact the scapegoated identified patient (look up identified patient...it is interesting). Now that I realize what I am, I know what SHE was and what the rest of my family of origin were and are. In serious denial. And that's ok. It is not relevant to me or my experience for them to validate anything in my life.</p><p></p><p>I have yet to ever have such horrific problems with the other people who were and are in my life other than my screwd up FOO, including my in laws from my first marriage AND my ex-husband. We still speak. I have good feelings about him. We had bad feelings directly after the divorce, but we talked them out like two civilized humans and it is over.</p><p></p><p>My FOO could not or would not talk things out. They all felt that they were right, maybe even me when I was with them. They brought out the worst in me, and in my opinion in each other. As for communication, they wrote letters or e-mails...you can't talk back to a letter or an e-mail. And I did it too. It's part of our dysfunctional family worked...or, I should say, did not work. Nothing ever got resolved, like in functional families.</p><p></p><p>Why feel compassion for those who hurt us in a cold and calculated way and do not take up for us when there is a predator trying to destroy us? As E. tried to do to me...and lost.</p><p></p><p>Another big question...why let them control our thoughts to the point where we can't function? What give them the power? The pleasure they would get if they knew! I do not know if you are in therapy, Copa. I've been in it for decades and it really helps. I lay it all out there and I get over it faster. They show me how silly it is to hang on forever.</p><p></p><p>Since I have gotten over the fact that Thing 2 and 1 were reading my blogging here (which is actually a compliment and, more importantly, an indication that, for some reason, I am important to them), I have stopped all contact with them myself. How can I do that, you ask, when they have ended contact with ME first?</p><p></p><p>They didn't. Reading my innermost thoughts, even if they don't believe t hem and ridicule them, is being in contact with me. It's thinking about me. It is showing me that I am important to them, although I don't understand why. Thing 2 needs somebody to ridicule? Even if it's that, I am not on NC with either of them unless they have stopped.</p><p></p><p>On the other hand, I am truly in NC with them. I don't check up on them in any way. I don't talk to my father about them at all. I don't know what they are up to. I don't want to know t heir inner thoughts. The best thing I ever did for myself was to NOT read the cleansing letter Thing 1 sent to me. I am so glad I don't know his list of phony gripes (I'm sure we'd disagree on them) and I am not up for reading anything else they have to say about me. As two strangers, they are free to talk about me all they like. I am truly NC with both...and I am glad.</p><p></p><p>But they can not let go of me and that is harmful to especially Thing 2.</p><p></p><p>Let go, Copa. You will never get any answers from these people. You will lose sleep over nothing. You will possibly lose a good husband over people who were abusive to you. It isn't worth it.</p><p></p><p>JMO.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and lots and lots of peace vibes. NOTHING beats peace of mind and feeling warm and fuzzy to be with your peeps. And your peeps are NOT your FOO.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 657792, member: 1550"] Wow, Copa. I did suffer from depression, but I never did lie in bed and toss and turn over E. and her abuse or the fact that my siblings apparently missed it. I went on with life focusing on my new family and a few dear friends, one who died too soon. I did not angst over whether I should have compassion for E. or not. She was so vile to me that compassion was not on the radar. I could see nothing about her that needed my compassion. So I slept fine. And I didn't feel guilty. I tried to mend the relationship before she was gone as I believe that it is best spiritually to solve these issues before one passes. It didn't work. The tossing and turning came now, after I realized, mostly because of how my sibs don't know about the abuse, that I was in fact the scapegoated identified patient (look up identified patient...it is interesting). Now that I realize what I am, I know what SHE was and what the rest of my family of origin were and are. In serious denial. And that's ok. It is not relevant to me or my experience for them to validate anything in my life. I have yet to ever have such horrific problems with the other people who were and are in my life other than my screwd up FOO, including my in laws from my first marriage AND my ex-husband. We still speak. I have good feelings about him. We had bad feelings directly after the divorce, but we talked them out like two civilized humans and it is over. My FOO could not or would not talk things out. They all felt that they were right, maybe even me when I was with them. They brought out the worst in me, and in my opinion in each other. As for communication, they wrote letters or e-mails...you can't talk back to a letter or an e-mail. And I did it too. It's part of our dysfunctional family worked...or, I should say, did not work. Nothing ever got resolved, like in functional families. Why feel compassion for those who hurt us in a cold and calculated way and do not take up for us when there is a predator trying to destroy us? As E. tried to do to me...and lost. Another big question...why let them control our thoughts to the point where we can't function? What give them the power? The pleasure they would get if they knew! I do not know if you are in therapy, Copa. I've been in it for decades and it really helps. I lay it all out there and I get over it faster. They show me how silly it is to hang on forever. Since I have gotten over the fact that Thing 2 and 1 were reading my blogging here (which is actually a compliment and, more importantly, an indication that, for some reason, I am important to them), I have stopped all contact with them myself. How can I do that, you ask, when they have ended contact with ME first? They didn't. Reading my innermost thoughts, even if they don't believe t hem and ridicule them, is being in contact with me. It's thinking about me. It is showing me that I am important to them, although I don't understand why. Thing 2 needs somebody to ridicule? Even if it's that, I am not on NC with either of them unless they have stopped. On the other hand, I am truly in NC with them. I don't check up on them in any way. I don't talk to my father about them at all. I don't know what they are up to. I don't want to know t heir inner thoughts. The best thing I ever did for myself was to NOT read the cleansing letter Thing 1 sent to me. I am so glad I don't know his list of phony gripes (I'm sure we'd disagree on them) and I am not up for reading anything else they have to say about me. As two strangers, they are free to talk about me all they like. I am truly NC with both...and I am glad. But they can not let go of me and that is harmful to especially Thing 2. Let go, Copa. You will never get any answers from these people. You will lose sleep over nothing. You will possibly lose a good husband over people who were abusive to you. It isn't worth it. JMO. Hugs and lots and lots of peace vibes. NOTHING beats peace of mind and feeling warm and fuzzy to be with your peeps. And your peeps are NOT your FOO. [/QUOTE]
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