I finally made a decision and am ready to act

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by It'sbeentoolong, Oct 21, 2017.

  1. My 42 year old mentally ill, alcoholic, drug using son will not stay away. He continues to break into either my house or garage during the middle of the night. Since my house is a split type with a bedroom and bathroom on the other end, he is able to get in without me hearing. Or if I do hear, I am too tired and usually too sick to call the police. He has destroyed the back section of the house and has made a monumental disaster of my kitchen. He'll leave food out and drop it all over the floor and counters. It is truly disgusting. Right now I have the flu and cannot even begin to think about cleaning up after him again.
    1. I have found a person who is qualified and will be his representative payee for his SSI. As it stands now, he screams at me and won't leave until I hand over 100-200 of "his" money, which he then goes and buys drugs and then sneaks in and uses them.
    2. I am going to get a restraining order next week. The biggest reason I don't call the police is they won't do anything but make judgemental statements to me and make him leave. Or worse they'll arrest him and I'll have to witness a huge knockdown drag out fight. I've witnessed those before and have dealt with the local police enough to know that some of the locals are not helpful. I think if I have a restraining order, they can't ask me 20 million questions. I can just give them a copy of the restraining order and that is that.

    This situation has pretty much broken me. Thank you for reading and being here.
     
  2. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    i support your decision to get a restraining order.

    the police are harassing you. it is not their job to question you. in our town the police remove my son without comment.

    have you thought of an alarm? they are not too expensive now. that way it is neutral. it is the alarm that calls the police.

    a restraining order and alarm. you deserve to be safe and secure in your home. especially from your own child.

    the payee is a great idea. your son should not be able to abuse you.

    i think you have this figured out. keep posting and let us know how it goes.
     
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  3. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    I support this 100% and agree with all that Copa has said.

    Most importantly. Care for yourself and know you have a right to a peaceful home and a safe existence.

    This is a very difficult situation I know. I am in in to a far lesser level. My son harasses us but has yet to break in.

    Know you are doing the right thing and know you are not alone.
     
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  4. Ironbutterfly

    Ironbutterfly If focused on a single leaf you won't see the tree

    I was my son's payee for a year and almost had a nervous break-down. He is an emotional bully. My son goes through payee's like water.Last one was a Pastor who did it for a year, and was also his landlord. It didn't end well. Pastor said I just can't do this anymore. I understood how he felt. Son is now back in his home town in county jail facing couple of charges and looking at doing 11 months in jail. Of course he now wants to go to a rehab, get help. My son lives a ground hog daily. Different day same drama. He wanted me to bail him out- I refused. He needs to be where he is for a while and I can say, I am at peace, peace I haven't felt in a while. He has a rude awakening coming- good. I made a decision to not call anyone from a rehab and appear in court from him. He has been calling me from jail and jumping through ideas of where he wants to go. Every day is a different one. He is in a panic, scared. Good. He needs to sit for 11 months if Judge rules it to be the case. He did it, he caused it- he can walk it out.

    You do need an alarm system and yes on getting that restraining order. If he enters again, call the police and charge him with criminal trespassing. Your home is to be a safe haven, place to rest your heart and soul and body.
    Keep us posted.
     
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  5. Ironbutterfly

    Ironbutterfly If focused on a single leaf you won't see the tree

    Want to add- I found a saying that is so perfect for my son and where he has found himself now. It keeps me strong.

    "Those who stir the crap pot, should have to lick the spoon."
     
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  6. Ironbutterfly

    Ironbutterfly If focused on a single leaf you won't see the tree

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  7. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Love it!
     
  8. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    I agree with the restraining order and the alarm. I have also refused to bail my son out anymore and will not appear in court. My councelor has said he has to want to fix his life, if i want it more than him it isn't going to happen.
     
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  9. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Hi tired mama.

    You know my own son is doing better in that he is in a sober living. We threw him out. And before that pushed hard that he get into treatment. He was kind of up against a wall. But nonetheless, I am not minimizing that he is choosing to do this nor am I minimizing how hard it is.

    The thing I want to comment upon is this: he seems to need distance from me. In other words--my wanting for him seems counter-productive to him. He seems to need me removed to get clarity and feel the volition himself. He seems to need to feel this is him--not me pushing him.

    Which makes sense.
     
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    Last edited: Jan 21, 2018
  10. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    Thank you i am trying to do that as well.