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Parent Emeritus
I finally threw her out
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<blockquote data-quote="Ironbutterfly" data-source="post: 744894" data-attributes="member: 19951"><p>Please stop blaming yourself. You have no way of knowing if she would have turned out differently if your life had been different. Sometimes they are just born with personality issues. There are people out there who were there 24hrs a day and still turn out homeless, ungrateful,rude, addicts, etc.</p><p></p><p>Begin with yourself in therapy and support group. Guilt equals enabling. Do not allow her or boyfriends to live with you. Your home is a sanctuary. On this forum is an article on detachment and enabling vs. not enabling. Print it out, put it on your refrigerator. </p><p></p><p>Have a written response when she calls for money, cries, begs for help, to come home. Maybe something like: I love you and I know you will figure this out on your own. I have to go. Do not get into conversations and explanations with her- this is how they suck you back in. Keep it simple. The more you do this easier it will be.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Clean and paint the room. </p><p></p><p>These kids are survivors. There are shelters where she can stay. She will couch surf. Do not worry about her being cold and homeless she will figure it out. They always do. Take this from me as my son has lived on the streets, homeless, couch surfed, rented from slumlord, for 18 yrs. He now rents a room from his payee. They know where to go for free food from shelters to churches to various organizations. They know how to panhandle. </p><p></p><p>The only way to change your life, is to take it back. Nothing changes until it changes.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ironbutterfly, post: 744894, member: 19951"] Please stop blaming yourself. You have no way of knowing if she would have turned out differently if your life had been different. Sometimes they are just born with personality issues. There are people out there who were there 24hrs a day and still turn out homeless, ungrateful,rude, addicts, etc. Begin with yourself in therapy and support group. Guilt equals enabling. Do not allow her or boyfriends to live with you. Your home is a sanctuary. On this forum is an article on detachment and enabling vs. not enabling. Print it out, put it on your refrigerator. Have a written response when she calls for money, cries, begs for help, to come home. Maybe something like: I love you and I know you will figure this out on your own. I have to go. Do not get into conversations and explanations with her- this is how they suck you back in. Keep it simple. The more you do this easier it will be. Clean and paint the room. These kids are survivors. There are shelters where she can stay. She will couch surf. Do not worry about her being cold and homeless she will figure it out. They always do. Take this from me as my son has lived on the streets, homeless, couch surfed, rented from slumlord, for 18 yrs. He now rents a room from his payee. They know where to go for free food from shelters to churches to various organizations. They know how to panhandle. The only way to change your life, is to take it back. Nothing changes until it changes. [/QUOTE]
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I finally threw her out
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