This is my first post and I am so glad to have found this group. I have just started reading some of the stories and they are all part of my story. I want to give a little background because I hope to post to regularly because I need you.
I have a 27-year-old daughter who I love with all my heart. But since the age of 15 she has been nothing but heartache to me. I recognize that there are two sides to the story and certainly bear responsibility. Her father and I were in a terrible marriage when she was born, I was a workaholic, he didn’t work, we both did back then, there was a lot of fighting and dysfunction. We were divorced within two years and moved to another town where I was still a workaholic but no longer use drugs and started drinking. By this time she was three years old. I had two DWIs which led us to move back in with my parents who were wonderful people.
We lived with my mother and father in a beautiful large home on lakefront property. They raised her while I continued to be a workaholic. I would return home exhausted every night at 7 PM and reluctantly throw her in the bath or read her a story. And grab a glass of wine. But my mom and dad did everything for her while I was at work during the day. My dad would be the school class dad. My mom took her to the library and swimming. She went to nursery school in kindergarten. She had a best friend next-door to she played with every day. We took great vacations like Disney cruises in Disneyland every year.
When she was in six grade I move 30 minutes away from my parents home to a beautiful house and neighborhood with the best schools but she never adapted. I continue to work all the time and she would be an afterschool programs until I could pick her up. She started wearing black clothes all the time. In eighth grade she took a knife to school and threatened to cut another student. We started a cycle of seeing therapist. She stayed with my parents on weekends and they were still intimately involved in our lives. At some point She was placed in a mental hospital for a valuation she stayed about a week and I still don’t know what the outcome of that was except they kind of said she was fine. But she wasn’t.
On the night that my mother had her first stroke my daughter met a 14-year-old completely dysfunctional boy. Everything went to hell after that. I’m sure she was scared and grieving about her grandmother but her life begin spinning out of control and she begin running away just nearby in the neighborhood at other peoples houses, to the mall, stopped going to school. Getting in trouble with the law. We sent her two different behavioral programs all of which were horrific basically. She felt more bad boys.
The constant running away and the change in her behavior caused me so much distress I could barely function. I cried for years. After numerous programs she went to a boarding school where she stayed for six months and graduated.
We had a large college fund much which of been depleted because of all of the programs and therapy but she got into college. She never went to class so that didn’t happen. We tried signing her up that a beautician school which cost another $11,000 but she never went to class. They still gave her her certification. By now she was in her 20s.
She was living with me. I was still a workaholic and now in alcoholic. She would have boyfriends that lives with us and then they would go and another boyfriend with a live with it with us. I just went to work drink cried and was essentially useless and victimized.
She became a dick did to over-the-counter Robitussin. She was sent to rehab they had never heard of that they did not know how to treat her she did very well and rehab in California and came back after about 45 days. She looked great. But then she started using all kinds of drugs that she had learned about in rehab.
My dad, trying to do the bass, got her a nice apartment which she trashed and I would have to go there daily in order to confiscate all of the pills the bottles whatever it is that they do where they snuff chemicals that belong under your bathroom sink. We went to the hospital a lot. She overdosed a lot. I was cracking up. I cried every day. We are running out of money.
She has always been a compulsive liar and now she was a thief. She stole my jewelry she stole my money she stole my iPad to her three time, she stole anything she can get her hands on. She lied. Luckily she was so high I would often find the pawn stubs and I could pay to go get my own property out.
We bought her a car when she graduated from high school and she totaled it in a one car accident when she was clearly hi. Because were stupid we bought her another brand new car a few months later which she wrecked about four times. Two or three times she didn’t even remember writing it. The last time she was involved in a very serious accident after we had compensated the car and there were numerous injuries. Funnily enough the drug test came out clean. She had another DUI so she pled to one of them and Got off on the other one. She has been caught and arrested several times for theft. Of course I paid for all these lawyers and all the fines And the fees. On the second DUI, the one she was cleared up, I left her in jail for about 10 days.
She has never worked. She says she has but she lies. In the last two years she has matured a little bit and she is sometimes nice and she sometimes almost seems like a real human being. I think she has been trying.
My dad died last year. He was sick in bed in our house for five days and in those five days she still $10,000 from his bank account. Because he died I had to pay the money back to the estate to my brother and sister. This was her grandfather who she claim to love with all her heart.
She continued to live with me not working not doing anything sometimes using I suspect she stays up all night she sleeps all day she doesn’t do anything. Sometimes that’s good.
Last Friday I had to go to the dentist for some dental work and my mouth was blowing up in my face was swollen. I asked her to go to the drugstore to get the antibiotics and gave her my debit card. I see all the charges on my phone and I watched as she racked up chargers at four different grocery stores for a total of $300. When she got home and I made her show me the receipts about 160 was for cash which rolls. My medicine cost two dollars. I completely lost my mind and told her and her latest boyfriend, who is of course a felon on probation, to get out of my house. Actually I told them to clean their scummy room and the garage where they leave cigarette butts and about 4 feet of clothes all over the floor but they refused to do that for three days because they were asleep or knocked out. I was at my wits end I was so mad that she stole money from me when I was sick but she had been stealing money from me for all these years. I guess I just had it. I lost my temper I went crazy I literally chased him out of the house.
She is calm cool and collected as usual. She never relax. She doesn’t cry. She doesn’t feel. She may pretend to be sorry but it’s the only part of her manipulation. They have a $600 car but the transmission doesn’t work which is why she was stealing the money I think.
I know I enable her. I know my addiction and my own problems were part of her problem. I guess the way she turned out it was my fault but I think it was her fault too. She had a wonderful loving family and we all tried. She could’ve had such a different life. I don’t know where she is now. It’s only been a few days so I know she’s OK. She’s either sleeping in their car or at somebody’s house or at a cheap hotel. She will return trying to manipulate me. I hope I can remain strong. I am 57 years old and I don’t want the rest of my life to be like this. I want to relationship with my daughter that is honest and true. I don’t want her to live in poverty or on the streets or to die. But she is a grown-up and these are her choices.
I am sure I will be posting as I go from being numb to being scared. Thank you for letting me share.
I have a 27-year-old daughter who I love with all my heart. But since the age of 15 she has been nothing but heartache to me. I recognize that there are two sides to the story and certainly bear responsibility. Her father and I were in a terrible marriage when she was born, I was a workaholic, he didn’t work, we both did back then, there was a lot of fighting and dysfunction. We were divorced within two years and moved to another town where I was still a workaholic but no longer use drugs and started drinking. By this time she was three years old. I had two DWIs which led us to move back in with my parents who were wonderful people.
We lived with my mother and father in a beautiful large home on lakefront property. They raised her while I continued to be a workaholic. I would return home exhausted every night at 7 PM and reluctantly throw her in the bath or read her a story. And grab a glass of wine. But my mom and dad did everything for her while I was at work during the day. My dad would be the school class dad. My mom took her to the library and swimming. She went to nursery school in kindergarten. She had a best friend next-door to she played with every day. We took great vacations like Disney cruises in Disneyland every year.
When she was in six grade I move 30 minutes away from my parents home to a beautiful house and neighborhood with the best schools but she never adapted. I continue to work all the time and she would be an afterschool programs until I could pick her up. She started wearing black clothes all the time. In eighth grade she took a knife to school and threatened to cut another student. We started a cycle of seeing therapist. She stayed with my parents on weekends and they were still intimately involved in our lives. At some point She was placed in a mental hospital for a valuation she stayed about a week and I still don’t know what the outcome of that was except they kind of said she was fine. But she wasn’t.
On the night that my mother had her first stroke my daughter met a 14-year-old completely dysfunctional boy. Everything went to hell after that. I’m sure she was scared and grieving about her grandmother but her life begin spinning out of control and she begin running away just nearby in the neighborhood at other peoples houses, to the mall, stopped going to school. Getting in trouble with the law. We sent her two different behavioral programs all of which were horrific basically. She felt more bad boys.
The constant running away and the change in her behavior caused me so much distress I could barely function. I cried for years. After numerous programs she went to a boarding school where she stayed for six months and graduated.
We had a large college fund much which of been depleted because of all of the programs and therapy but she got into college. She never went to class so that didn’t happen. We tried signing her up that a beautician school which cost another $11,000 but she never went to class. They still gave her her certification. By now she was in her 20s.
She was living with me. I was still a workaholic and now in alcoholic. She would have boyfriends that lives with us and then they would go and another boyfriend with a live with it with us. I just went to work drink cried and was essentially useless and victimized.
She became a dick did to over-the-counter Robitussin. She was sent to rehab they had never heard of that they did not know how to treat her she did very well and rehab in California and came back after about 45 days. She looked great. But then she started using all kinds of drugs that she had learned about in rehab.
My dad, trying to do the bass, got her a nice apartment which she trashed and I would have to go there daily in order to confiscate all of the pills the bottles whatever it is that they do where they snuff chemicals that belong under your bathroom sink. We went to the hospital a lot. She overdosed a lot. I was cracking up. I cried every day. We are running out of money.
She has always been a compulsive liar and now she was a thief. She stole my jewelry she stole my money she stole my iPad to her three time, she stole anything she can get her hands on. She lied. Luckily she was so high I would often find the pawn stubs and I could pay to go get my own property out.
We bought her a car when she graduated from high school and she totaled it in a one car accident when she was clearly hi. Because were stupid we bought her another brand new car a few months later which she wrecked about four times. Two or three times she didn’t even remember writing it. The last time she was involved in a very serious accident after we had compensated the car and there were numerous injuries. Funnily enough the drug test came out clean. She had another DUI so she pled to one of them and Got off on the other one. She has been caught and arrested several times for theft. Of course I paid for all these lawyers and all the fines And the fees. On the second DUI, the one she was cleared up, I left her in jail for about 10 days.
She has never worked. She says she has but she lies. In the last two years she has matured a little bit and she is sometimes nice and she sometimes almost seems like a real human being. I think she has been trying.
My dad died last year. He was sick in bed in our house for five days and in those five days she still $10,000 from his bank account. Because he died I had to pay the money back to the estate to my brother and sister. This was her grandfather who she claim to love with all her heart.
She continued to live with me not working not doing anything sometimes using I suspect she stays up all night she sleeps all day she doesn’t do anything. Sometimes that’s good.
Last Friday I had to go to the dentist for some dental work and my mouth was blowing up in my face was swollen. I asked her to go to the drugstore to get the antibiotics and gave her my debit card. I see all the charges on my phone and I watched as she racked up chargers at four different grocery stores for a total of $300. When she got home and I made her show me the receipts about 160 was for cash which rolls. My medicine cost two dollars. I completely lost my mind and told her and her latest boyfriend, who is of course a felon on probation, to get out of my house. Actually I told them to clean their scummy room and the garage where they leave cigarette butts and about 4 feet of clothes all over the floor but they refused to do that for three days because they were asleep or knocked out. I was at my wits end I was so mad that she stole money from me when I was sick but she had been stealing money from me for all these years. I guess I just had it. I lost my temper I went crazy I literally chased him out of the house.
She is calm cool and collected as usual. She never relax. She doesn’t cry. She doesn’t feel. She may pretend to be sorry but it’s the only part of her manipulation. They have a $600 car but the transmission doesn’t work which is why she was stealing the money I think.
I know I enable her. I know my addiction and my own problems were part of her problem. I guess the way she turned out it was my fault but I think it was her fault too. She had a wonderful loving family and we all tried. She could’ve had such a different life. I don’t know where she is now. It’s only been a few days so I know she’s OK. She’s either sleeping in their car or at somebody’s house or at a cheap hotel. She will return trying to manipulate me. I hope I can remain strong. I am 57 years old and I don’t want the rest of my life to be like this. I want to relationship with my daughter that is honest and true. I don’t want her to live in poverty or on the streets or to die. But she is a grown-up and these are her choices.
I am sure I will be posting as I go from being numb to being scared. Thank you for letting me share.
