New court date

[ANewLife4Me]

This in itself is becoming a living hell, continuation of yet another court date. Nothing really was put as public information only that a new date has been set for June. Was really hoping they were going to send her off to a state hospital for a bit and receive the mental help she so desperately needs. It seems the jails in my area are limited in what they do offer and or she is refusing any sort of help. Have been told if she went to prison that’s where they really receive help, she has her high school diploma but could learn a skill for a job when she gets out. Prison though requires a longer sentence and not really a place you want to be in.

Since it’s been over a year we have seen her, and although we have another month and a half for possible release, my husband said yesterday…..how can she get help being on the streets? Having no resources where I live hardly we started to go over choices. Buy her a beat up car so she can have shelter? Pay for insurance and registration on it? No because she has a suspended license and the possibility she will drive it or get into an accident is only going to cause us grief. Told my husband, there is NO way she is coming back here to live with us! We know what happens from other’s experience here on the board if you buy them a home, even an RV….not an option either. I know we are trying to build strength to step out of her world completely at this time, just those dang thoughts come at us time and again. I cried yesterday thinking of her in those leg and handcuffs - orange jumpsuit as she shuffled her way into court, pictured this in my mind as I had seen before, she was only right around the corner from my house. Her thoughts as she had a bit of freedom in the prison bus being escorted to the courthouse.

I just want this to end, my fear and anxiety that one day she will be released from jail and a different hell will begin.

 

[Copabanana]

I just want this to end, my fear and anxiety that one day she will be released from jail and a different hell will begin

All of the power is in you. I know it doesn't feel like that but it is so. First of all (I have just a minute so this will be just a start) there is the decision on your part to give your brain a rest and not to obsess. I think it's New Leaf who says, get off the Merry Go Round. You're the only one who can do this. Just.Decide.To.Get.Off.

how can she get help being on the streets?

In my community and I believe in communities all over USA there are Rescue Missions. Here they offer free room and board to those who can't pay.They offer work, sobriety programs, supervision, etc. They help coordinate with the courts, probation, parole. People walk in here right from jail and probation. I have been involved with them for years and years. My son went a few times. Now I have a client who lives in one. In my community they rent over 100 houses to get people off the streets.

This is not your problem to solve. If you want this torment to end, you must realize the power is in you to stop it. Right now you have put all the power the agency in your daughter.

 

[ANewLife4Me]

All of the power is in you. I know it doesn't feel like that but it is so. First of all (I have just a minute so this will be just a start) there is the decision on your part to give your brain a rest and not to obsess. I think it's New Leaf who says, get off the Merry Go Round. You're the only one who can do this. Just.Decide.To.Get.Off.

In my community and I believe in communities all over USA there are Rescue Missions. Here they offer free room and board to those who can't pay.They offer work, sobriety programs, supervision, etc. They help coordinate with the courts, probation, parole. People walk in here right from jail and probation. I have been involved with them for years and years. My son went a few times. Now I have a client who lives in one. In my community they rent over 100 houses to get people off the streets.

This is not your problem to solve. If you want this torment to end, you must realize the power is in you to stop it. Right now you have put all the power the agency in your daughter.

I truly wish we had resources such as yours. My husband works for mental health here and knows she can get a free transit pass to take her anywhere within our county. Also we have stalls for showers, they hand out food, also give tents and bicycles if they have them at the time. This place is about 30 minutes from where we live and where she is currently in jail. We also have churches but being Florida, everything is so spaced out you need a car to get to them all. For her drug testing last time was at a Salvation Army an hour away from us. The shelters we do have in my county are for pregnant, battered women.

Not to say that Florida does not have resources. I was just reading about a homeless shelter, get them back on track….its perfect but, 5 hours from where we live. I will not drive her anywhere but would pay for an Uber to take her to a specific place. Most likely she will not be able to go as she will have probation in this county. We did transfer her probation one time to the area we are living in now….oh did we have to cut through the red tape to get the judge to sign off on that one!

But, I truly say to you, we have no shelter here for her. Unless she hooks up with someone who allows her to stay at their place……I just don’t know. My daughter is not the sociable type, is violent and mean, any situation will wind up with the same results as with us…get out. When she was in a different county the one time she was arrested, they did have shelters. 7pm in and 7am checkout. She even managed to get herself barred to never return again from.

 

[Copabanana]

There is no other reality than we reap what we sow. If your daughter is violent and mean, she will be held to account. That is the nature of life. And it is for the good. A parent can't stand in the way of consequence, nor should they. Your work is to accept that.

Where I live, these are homes, not shelters. In many cases new homes, with all the comforts of such. I recognize that your daughter will parole/be released to a specific county. But if the reality is this:

any situation will wind up with the same results as with u

we are back where we started. She will reap what she sows in life. There is no other way.
The only thing for a parent to do is to get out of the way.

 

[Copabanana]

If your daughter is violent and a danger to you or your property there are restraining orders to keep her away.

 

[Crayola14]

She has to want help. Parents want it more than the kids want it, which is very sad and frustrating. Until she wants recovery badly enough, it’s not going to happen. She needs long term residential treatment at a facility that offers drug rehab, mental health services, and life coaches. I hope the judge will order her to have long term treatment. Maybe you could write to the judge if you know who it will be and explain how urgently she needs treatment.

 

[ANewLife4Me]

If your daughter is violent and a danger to you or your property there are restraining orders to keep her away.

I tried that when she left, had a cop here and everything to make sure she left peacefully. The cop saw how she was acting and told her if he had to come back out tonight for this, he would lock her up in jail. He was so frustrated by the way she even treated him, he told her….make my night, make me come back, I dare you.

Next day I went to the courthouse, with a cop as evidence, with a video of her attacking me, her numerous times in jail for violence and drunk driving…. you won’t believe this…my petition was denied by the judge! The reason? It was no means for eviction. WHAT! In no way shape or form did I put eviction, she left our house willingly, the cop made sure she did leave peacefully as well. This was for an emergency restriction but I asked to go to court and show my evidence. Was denied. I told the court clerk I understand how people are hurt and murdered, the law does not help us victims.

Thank you Copa.

 

[ANewLife4Me]

She has to want help. Parents want it more than the kids want it, which is very sad and frustrating. Until she wants recovery badly enough, it’s not going to happen. She needs long term residential treatment at a facility that offers drug rehab, mental health services, and life coaches. I hope the judge will order her to have long term treatment. Maybe you could write to the judge if you know who it will be and explain how urgently she needs treatment.

I very much agree Crayola thank you. I have been in contact with a Nami supervisor for the jails explaining how she needs help. As you said she has to want the help, at that time my daughter did not fill out the paperwork for it. I also have been in contact with her lawyer twice explaining the situation. All I have gotten in response from her is thank you, received as they cannot tell me anything that is going on with her case, I understand that. Good idea! Will see how I could write to the judge.

 

[ANewLife4Me]

I very much agree Crayola thank you. I have been in contact with a Nami supervisor for the jails explaining how she needs help. As you said she has to want the help, at that time my daughter did not fill out the paperwork for it. I also have been in contact with her lawyer twice explaining the situation. All I have gotten in response from her is thank you, received as they cannot tell me anything that is going on with her case, I understand that. Good idea! Will see how I could write to the judge.

Darn….. I found the judge but no email, and then I found this…..

“The Court cannot ethically read or consider any other opinions or arguments about the case.”

I guess contacting her lawyer was the best I could do.