ANewLife4Me
Active Member
Hello everyone, I have read so many of your stories….big hugs to all!
My story is of my 31 year old daughter, who has multiple mental issues including schizophrenia. She refuses therapy or medications unless court ordered or is on medication while in jail. Soon as she is released from jail or court she is done with medications and therapy. 10 years her Dad and I have been there for her, bailed her out of jail and gave her a place to live. Coming out from jail with nothing but the clothes on her back, we had to buy everything, bed - clothes, paid her court fees until she found a job. This has been multiple times we have restarted her, gotten her license back, she saved money and finally bought a car, had a job for 3 years. I don’t know what happened to her this past March of 2023 but it happened all over again. She decided living in her car was way better than living with us and she left. Had not heard a word from her in 9 months until we received that call from jail……….
Her Dad and I TOLD her do not call us if you get in again. Since that call in November 2023 my life has been ruined. Thanksgiving and Christmas was nothing but crying as well as the days in between. God sent me a sign as I was thinking of changing my phone number, said no….will do it tomorrow but, a bail bondsman called me a month and a half since she has been in. I guess she figured we would cave at this point but, we are serious in not helping this time. I changed my phone number that very day.
While she has been in jail her car insurance was canceled for non payment. Was due in August 2023 and they finally gave her enough time I guess. Her car is financed so most likely will be repossessed. I am flipping my lid thinking she will actually be on the streets, no shelter at all. All that work from us getting it all together for her and it’s lost yet again.
I am in therapy and my therapist started some of my recovery with a book - Setting Boundaries with your Adult Children by Allison Bottke. My mother was and so am I an enabler. Seeing how I contributed to this was eye opening! Another book called - When Your Adult Child Breaks Your Heart by Joel Young finds me as the co-dependent. His book goes more into dealing with mental illness and jail. I understand fully what I need to do, to change. But WHY is my heart so broken to not help? Why do I fear her showing up at my door begging us to help her, to be strong and turn her away? She can get violent, so I am really worried that she will be super mad at us as we are the only ones to help her, no family or friends does she have. I have a strong desire to move so I won’t be in fear every time we go outside she could hurt us.
Thank you for reading, sorry this was so long.

My story is of my 31 year old daughter, who has multiple mental issues including schizophrenia. She refuses therapy or medications unless court ordered or is on medication while in jail. Soon as she is released from jail or court she is done with medications and therapy. 10 years her Dad and I have been there for her, bailed her out of jail and gave her a place to live. Coming out from jail with nothing but the clothes on her back, we had to buy everything, bed - clothes, paid her court fees until she found a job. This has been multiple times we have restarted her, gotten her license back, she saved money and finally bought a car, had a job for 3 years. I don’t know what happened to her this past March of 2023 but it happened all over again. She decided living in her car was way better than living with us and she left. Had not heard a word from her in 9 months until we received that call from jail……….
Her Dad and I TOLD her do not call us if you get in again. Since that call in November 2023 my life has been ruined. Thanksgiving and Christmas was nothing but crying as well as the days in between. God sent me a sign as I was thinking of changing my phone number, said no….will do it tomorrow but, a bail bondsman called me a month and a half since she has been in. I guess she figured we would cave at this point but, we are serious in not helping this time. I changed my phone number that very day.
While she has been in jail her car insurance was canceled for non payment. Was due in August 2023 and they finally gave her enough time I guess. Her car is financed so most likely will be repossessed. I am flipping my lid thinking she will actually be on the streets, no shelter at all. All that work from us getting it all together for her and it’s lost yet again.
I am in therapy and my therapist started some of my recovery with a book - Setting Boundaries with your Adult Children by Allison Bottke. My mother was and so am I an enabler. Seeing how I contributed to this was eye opening! Another book called - When Your Adult Child Breaks Your Heart by Joel Young finds me as the co-dependent. His book goes more into dealing with mental illness and jail. I understand fully what I need to do, to change. But WHY is my heart so broken to not help? Why do I fear her showing up at my door begging us to help her, to be strong and turn her away? She can get violent, so I am really worried that she will be super mad at us as we are the only ones to help her, no family or friends does she have. I have a strong desire to move so I won’t be in fear every time we go outside she could hurt us.
Thank you for reading, sorry this was so long.
