Update

[New Leaf]

Hi all,
Hope everyone was able to find some joy over the holidays. For those of us here, we all know how that can prove to be challenging.
I have been cautiously and prayerfully navigating my way through the most recent attempt at sobriety by my daughter Tornado. Good news, yes, hopes for success, yes, but, trying not to be more emotionally invested than she is. It is somewhat heaven sent that she has been on the courts radar since 2018, in and out of jail, then court ordered rehab, I have lost count of stints she did with rehab, then slipped away to the streets, picked up months later on bench warrants, back in jail again. Rinse, repeat. She was accepted into a pilot program called women’s court, which aims to help women in her position who make bad choices due to drug use.
How blessed she is, that state insurance pays for her rehab. Early on, she was telling me that she just “wants to be home.” I had to say no, again. Honestly, that was very difficult for me in the past, but truth is, she has never done well in my home and we have all suffered through that drama. So the “no” did not stick in my throat so much. I have responsibility towards my granddaughter to keep stability in my home. There are programs set up to help Tornado, which she is availing herself of, at the moment. Today she entered a sober house, hopefully she will stay on track. She is a young grandmother now, her eldest son has two children and one on the way. I am hoping that will give her incentive to keep striving to stay clean and find her potential. Her son told me he was willing to house her, but fortunately his wife said no. She will receive much more help in the sober house, and if she follows this program, will receive help with a job and housing.
Prayers going up.
Her elder sister, Rain is out there somewhere. She was living with a small encampment under a bridge near a stream and appeared about a month ago, soaking wet and talking about her belongings being swept away (again) by the rising waters. It’s rainy season here in the islands. She came in and showered, I gave her some clothes and asked her if I could drive her to a shelter, she declined. She went down the road on her beat up moped, I have not seen or heard from her since.
It’s odd, this non feeling, feeling. I have written before that it feels somewhat cold, not journeying to the precipice of the rabbit hole. Sort of zombie like, or out of body. In comparison to years past, I would spend days, weeks, worrying and fretting, losing sleep. I don’t want to go back to that state of mind again. I am not completely cured, I do have my moments, but really, it is too heart wrenching to enter that abyss. Years gone by with this reality has taken a toll on my health. I have my well children and grands to keep me afloat, and have spent too much precious time and energy lamenting over my two wayward daughter’s poor choices. They will do as they please, it is not my life to live. I cannot imagine being out there, as they have been. It is what it is. I do love them and pray for their recovery, but that is between them and God. I am so thankful to God that He has given me the strength to get through these tough times.
I am so very grateful for this site and the support and kindness I have received all these years. I don’t often write, my granddaughter will be 16 and life is busy with her activities. I also watch her brother on weekdays, he will be three soon. I thank God that he has been healthy lately, and is on track with his development. Although he still has challenges regulating his emotions and is easily over stimulated, (what toddler isn’t?) he is thriving. We are praying that with love and guidance he will overcome the exposure he had.
Thank you so much to those who have followed along.
Hoping 2024 brings goodness and blessings to all.
Much love and (((hugs)))
New Leaf

 

[No-Co-De]

Your post gives me hope that I am not wrong by not letting my adult daughter move back in with me. It doesn’t help her and causes me such stress. My mother gave me this prayer years ago when she was having similar issues with my brother. I find it comforting and reassuring and hope that you do too.

I behold the Christ in you
If we are troubled or concerned about a dear one, let us bless him or her now by thinking about and meditating on the following prayer:

I behold the Christ in you. I free you from my anxiety, from my personal idea of what constitutes happiness for you. I trust the spirit of God in you to illumine you, to guide you, to show you the way that is right for you, the way that is for your highest good, the way that means happiness and success for you.

I place you lovingly in the care and keeping of the Father. I standby in faith. I refrain from imposing my will on you. You are God’s child; you are here to fulfill your own special purpose. As close as I am you, as much as I love you, I cannot live your life for you. Your destiny, your place, your fulfillment is between you and God.

I know that we are one in God, and that, as I trust God in my life and trust him in your life, all will be well.
I bless you now, child of God.
I behold the Christ in you.

(from Prayer Sharers – Fall ‘94)

 

[New Leaf]

Hi No-Co-De,
Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful prayer. Every word reverberates what I have been working at to quiet my mind and bring peace to my heart.

Your post gives me hope that I am not wrong by not letting my adult daughter move back in with me. It doesn’t help her and causes me such stress.

Late hubs and I learned this the hard way, after years of a revolving door in the home with our two wayward daughters. They were not looking for true help, just an easy place to be to continue as is. It is a journey I don’t wish upon anyone, but here we are. The toughest part was when our grands were little.
I asked in prayer years ago that God look after my two, their choices weighed so heavily on my being, I felt as if stuck in quicksand. I realized and need reminders that if I ask in faith, then I must trust in the path, no matter what the twists and turns.
I am grateful that there are places my daughters can turn to, if they want to change the direction of their lives. Years of trying to “help” by housing them, never worked out for any of us. I have told this to my daughter, that there are paths she can take where she can get professional help, if she chooses. Our “helping” never helped, and we suffered the consequences active addiction delves out. We became easy targets for ensuing manipulating, gaslighting, the list goes on.
Not healthy for anyone to have to endure.
Prayers that our adult children will love themselves enough to find their light and potential. Prayers that we will love ourselves enough to do the same, thereby providing examples of what we so desperately want for our beloved’s, that they love themselves enough to choose better.
Many thanks for your kind words.
(((Hugs)))
New Leaf

 

[lovemysons]

I am praying for your Tornado to reach her potential with the help of this program she is now.

Prayers for Rain too.

My worst fears for years came true November 25th 2021 the day my son died. I spent years in agony. I even lost my mind once. Went psychotic and had to be hospitalized.

I look back and see what those years stole from me. From dear husband and our futures too.

But like I said…my worst fears came true. I am on the other side now. I’ve survived. Now I just miss him terribly but the everyday agony is over.

It’s a hard life we with our grands are forced to live. But we are making it.

Prayers for you new leaf and no-co-de as you both are still in the thick of it.
I love the prayer you gave too.

 

[New Leaf]

Hi LMS,
Thank you for your kind and thoughtful words. I am so, so sorry for your loss. Thank you for still checking in here and sharing your wisdom and experience.

My worst fears for years came true November 25th 2021 the day my son died. I spent years in agony. I even lost my mind once. Went psychotic and had to be hospitalized.

I have had these fears for my two, but had to give them to God, as I would not be able to function. There are times when those thoughts creep in, for it is definitely a consequence they face if they continue on the path of active addiction and street life. I feel, too that I have slipped now and then to loss of self and mind because of the worries.

But like I said…my worst fears came true. I am on the other side now. I’ve survived. Now I just miss him terribly but the everyday agony is over.

I read that grief is the price we pay for love. Hubs has been gone for almost 8 years now, and the grief flows like the tides. There is something to be said about grieving the choices of those still living. It is agony, LMS. Though I am sorry for the loss of your son, I see how deaths finality does bring some closure to years of fearing the worst. I am sorry if I offend anyone with that stated. I don’t wish that finality on anyone at all. I just know the torment of not knowing where my adult child is, or what condition they are in. It is a constant ache.

Prayers for you new leaf and no-co-de as you both are still in the thick of it.

Thank you LMS, prayers are powerful . I have had to soothe my own catastrophic mindset with prayer in order to keep my sanity. I think the added responsibility of caring for my granddaughter has helped pull me through the dark times.
May God grant you serenity and may your son rest in peace.
Much love and (((hugs)))
Leaf

 

[newstart]

Hi all,
Hope everyone was able to find some joy over the holidays. For those of us here, we all know how that can prove to be challenging.
I have been cautiously and prayerfully navigating my way through the most recent attempt at sobriety by my daughter Tornado. Good news, yes, hopes for success, yes, but, trying not to be more emotionally invested than she is. It is somewhat heaven sent that she has been on the courts radar since 2018, in and out of jail, then court ordered rehab, I have lost count of stints she did with rehab, then slipped away to the streets, picked up months later on bench warrants, back in jail again. Rinse, repeat. She was accepted into a pilot program called women’s court, which aims to help women in her position who make bad choices due to drug use.
How blessed she is, that state insurance pays for her rehab. Early on, she was telling me that she just “wants to be home.” I had to say no, again. Honestly, that was very difficult for me in the past, but truth is, she has never done well in my home and we have all suffered through that drama. So the “no” did not stick in my throat so much. I have responsibility towards my granddaughter to keep stability in my home. There are programs set up to help Tornado, which she is availing herself of, at the moment. Today she entered a sober house, hopefully she will stay on track. She is a young grandmother now, her eldest son has two children and one on the way. I am hoping that will give her incentive to keep striving to stay clean and find her potential. Her son told me he was willing to house her, but fortunately his wife said no. She will receive much more help in the sober house, and if she follows this program, will receive help with a job and housing.
Prayers going up.
Her elder sister, Rain is out there somewhere. She was living with a small encampment under a bridge near a stream and appeared about a month ago, soaking wet and talking about her belongings being swept away (again) by the rising waters. It’s rainy season here in the islands. She came in and showered, I gave her some clothes and asked her if I could drive her to a shelter, she declined. She went down the road on her beat up moped, I have not seen or heard from her since.
It’s odd, this non feeling, feeling. I have written before that it feels somewhat cold, not journeying to the precipice of the rabbit hole. Sort of zombie like, or out of body. In comparison to years past, I would spend days, weeks, worrying and fretting, losing sleep. I don’t want to go back to that state of mind again. I am not completely cured, I do have my moments, but really, it is too heart wrenching to enter that abyss. Years gone by with this reality has taken a toll on my health. I have my well children and grands to keep me afloat, and have spent too much precious time and energy lamenting over my two wayward daughter’s poor choices. They will do as they please, it is not my life to live. I cannot imagine being out there, as they have been. It is what it is. I do love them and pray for their recovery, but that is between them and God. I am so thankful to God that He has given me the strength to get through these tough times.
I am so very grateful for this site and the support and kindness I have received all these years. I don’t often write, my granddaughter will be 16 and life is busy with her activities. I also watch her brother on weekdays, he will be three soon. I thank God that he has been healthy lately, and is on track with his development. Although he still has challenges regulating his emotions and is easily over stimulated, (what toddler isn’t?) he is thriving. We are praying that with love and guidance he will overcome the exposure he had.
Thank you so much to those who have followed along.
Hoping 2024 brings goodness and blessings to all.
Much love and (((hugs)))
New Leaf

Hi New Leaf, I was happy to hear your update and my prayers continue for you, your family and your two daughters that are taking their time getting on track. Things sound a bit promising with you situation. Thank you for the update, your posts have helped me so much in the past and I am grateful for you.

 

[New Leaf]

Hi Newstart,
Thank you so much. I am grateful for you too.
Leaf

 

[Copabanana]

Dear New Leaf
I hear the weariness in your voice. I wish wisdom did not cost us so much. I feel weary too. All of my love. Copa

 

[New Leaf]

Copa you are spot on. I am finding that my brain may be able to sidetrack my emotion, but my body is not. God grant us peace. Much love to you and prayers for peace.
Leaf

 

[ANewLife4Me]

Hi all,
Hope everyone was able to find some joy over the holidays. For those of us here, we all know how that can prove to be challenging.
I have been cautiously and prayerfully navigating my way through the most recent attempt at sobriety by my daughter Tornado. Good news, yes, hopes for success, yes, but, trying not to be more emotionally invested than she is. It is somewhat heaven sent that she has been on the courts radar since 2018, in and out of jail, then court ordered rehab, I have lost count of stints she did with rehab, then slipped away to the streets, picked up months later on bench warrants, back in jail again. Rinse, repeat. She was accepted into a pilot program called women’s court, which aims to help women in her position who make bad choices due to drug use.
How blessed she is, that state insurance pays for her rehab. Early on, she was telling me that she just “wants to be home.” I had to say no, again. Honestly, that was very difficult for me in the past, but truth is, she has never done well in my home and we have all suffered through that drama. So the “no” did not stick in my throat so much. I have responsibility towards my granddaughter to keep stability in my home. There are programs set up to help Tornado, which she is availing herself of, at the moment. Today she entered a sober house, hopefully she will stay on track. She is a young grandmother now, her eldest son has two children and one on the way. I am hoping that will give her incentive to keep striving to stay clean and find her potential. Her son told me he was willing to house her, but fortunately his wife said no. She will receive much more help in the sober house, and if she follows this program, will receive help with a job and housing.
Prayers going up.
Her elder sister, Rain is out there somewhere. She was living with a small encampment under a bridge near a stream and appeared about a month ago, soaking wet and talking about her belongings being swept away (again) by the rising waters. It’s rainy season here in the islands. She came in and showered, I gave her some clothes and asked her if I could drive her to a shelter, she declined. She went down the road on her beat up moped, I have not seen or heard from her since.
It’s odd, this non feeling, feeling. I have written before that it feels somewhat cold, not journeying to the precipice of the rabbit hole. Sort of zombie like, or out of body. In comparison to years past, I would spend days, weeks, worrying and fretting, losing sleep. I don’t want to go back to that state of mind again. I am not completely cured, I do have my moments, but really, it is too heart wrenching to enter that abyss. Years gone by with this reality has taken a toll on my health. I have my well children and grands to keep me afloat, and have spent too much precious time and energy lamenting over my two wayward daughter’s poor choices.

Hi all,
Hope everyone was able to find some joy over the holidays. For those of us here, we all know how that can prove to be challenging.
I have been cautiously and prayerfully navigating my way through the most recent attempt at sobriety by my daughter Tornado. Good news, yes, hopes for success, yes, but, trying not to be more emotionally invested than she is. It is somewhat heaven sent that she has been on the courts radar since 2018, in and out of jail, then court ordered rehab, I have lost count of stints she did with rehab, then slipped away to the streets, picked up months later on bench warrants, back in jail again. Rinse, repeat. She was accepted into a pilot program called women’s court, which aims to help women in her position who make bad choices due to drug use.
How blessed she is, that state insurance pays for her rehab. Early on, she was telling me that she just “wants to be home.” I had to say no, again. Honestly, that was very difficult for me in the past, but truth is, she has never done well in my home and we have all suffered through that drama. So the “no” did not stick in my throat so much. I have responsibility towards my granddaughter to keep stability in my home. There are programs set up to help Tornado, which she is availing herself of, at the moment. Today she entered a sober house, hopefully she will stay on track. She is a young grandmother now, her eldest son has two children and one on the way. I am hoping that will give her incentive to keep striving to stay clean and find her potential. Her son told me he was willing to house her, but fortunately his wife said no. She will receive much more help in the sober house, and if she follows this program, will receive help with a job and housing.
Prayers going up.
Her elder sister, Rain is out there somewhere. She was living with a small encampment under a bridge near a stream and appeared about a month ago, soaking wet and talking about her belongings being swept away (again) by the rising waters. It’s rainy season here in the islands. She came in and showered, I gave her some clothes and asked her if I could drive her to a shelter, she declined. She went down the road on her beat up moped, I have not seen or heard from her since.
It’s odd, this non feeling, feeling. I have written before that it feels somewhat cold, not journeying to the precipice of the rabbit hole. Sort of zombie like, or out of body. In comparison to years past, I would spend days, weeks, worrying and fretting, losing sleep. I don’t want to go back to that state of mind again. I am not completely cured, I do have my moments, but really, it is too heart wrenching to enter that abyss. Years gone by with this reality has taken a toll on my health. I have my well children and grands to keep me afloat, and have spent too much precious time and energy lamenting over my two wayward daughter’s poor choices. They will do as they please, it is not my life to live. I cannot imagine being out there, as they have been. It is what it is. I do love them and pray for their recovery, but that is between them and God. I am so thankful to God that He has given me the strength to get through these tough times.
I am so very grateful for this site and the support and kindness I have received all these years. I don’t often write, my granddaughter will be 16 and life is busy with her activities. I also watch her brother on weekdays, he will be three soon. I thank God that he has been healthy lately, and is on track with his development. Although he still has challenges regulating his emotions and is easily over stimulated, (what toddler isn’t?) he is thriving. We are praying that with love and guidance he will overcome the exposure he had.
Thank you so much to those who have followed along.
Hoping 2024 brings goodness and blessings to all.
Much love and (((hugs)))
New Leaf

Oh how your Tornado sounds so much like my own daughter. I have chosen to step completely away from my daughter, she is currently in jail again. 10 years of this back and forth has taken it’s toll as you have said and yet, I still care and worry obsessively over her. Once my daughter is out of jail she will be on the streets for the first time in her life. You can imagine my fears of what this will bring. She has mental issues as well with the alcohol and drugs. I fear one day of the call that she is dead and yet at the same time cannot help her anymore. Her living with us is not an option at all. She attacked me one day while under the influence of alcohol, my husband and I fear for our lives how bad her mental gets. She refuses all forms of help, guidance or suggestions. She listens to no one. Her last job before jail was as an exotic dancer, can only imagine how that went. We build her up, restarted her life from the ground up so many times, she even has had her license suspended again.

I pray for all of you, that your daughters receive the help they need and stick to the program, that YOU focus more on your needs and your grands. It’s easier said then done though as my therapist told me that all this energy I put on my daughter….I need to put on ME.