It is frustrating, confusing and extremely unfair. To your entire family including difficult child. In spite of your determination to keep him from harming someone, you are only human and can only do so much. I don't think there really is anyone or any program to tell you how to handle everything. I know we sure never found any program or plan that had much of a realistic way to handle things and help our son. Heck, I am impressed that you found the program you did find.
All you can do is keep working to find help and to help him learn.