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I had to call police...
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 147861" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Nancy's right. See if you can talk to the PO. However, you did exactly the right thing - he had snuck out and you had no idea on where to look, because you didn't have this other kid's address. difficult child didn't leave that information nor did he tell you where he was going, so he has to wear the consequences.</p><p></p><p>We have a rule - EVERY member of the household has to let someone know (preferably the cook for the night) where they are and when they will be home. husband is at work during the day but telephones as he leaves for home. That way if he is several hours late, I know I am right to begin worrying. But if he reminds me he has a doctor's appointment on the way home, I know to not worry.</p><p></p><p>easy child 2/difficult child 2 finishes work at 6 pm, collects BF2 from his job then drives home. If they are going to the pub instead, they let me know so I don't include them in dinner plans (and risk wasting food) and also don't worry.</p><p></p><p>If the only ones home are me and difficult child 3, I tell him where I'm going. Such as this evening - "Honey, I have to quickly drive to the shops to collect your prescription. I'll be back by 6 pm." Tis way he doesn't worry or get anxious. It also gives him the chance to say, "Mum! While you're there can you buy more milk and ice cream please?"</p><p></p><p>Tonight BF2 spoke to husband. "easy child 2/difficult child 2 isn't working tomorrow, are you working?"</p><p>husband said, "Yes, I don't have a day off until next Tuesday."</p><p>BF2: "Can I get a lift with you to work in the morning then, please? And again coming home?"</p><p>We work together, for everyone's benefit.</p><p></p><p>These are standard rules you should follow wherever you live, whoever you live with. As students at uni sharing with other students, we would let each other know so we could coordinate plans. If difficult child leaves home he will have to learn this, fast. If he doesn't he is going to find himself alienating the very people he will need to rely on - other people, not his family.</p><p></p><p>Don't feel guilty for calling the police. Don't feel guilty for the police talking to the boy and his mother - it was THE BOY who rang, you didn't send the police after them. And from the sound of it, the mother was happy to share their address, I suspect she is more sympathetic than her husband. Either that, or they don't know the true situation, which is quite possible since they have probably heard a lot about difficult child, from difficult child's point of view, and haven't heard your side of things yet.</p><p>If you get the chance, thank the mother for being so open. It would be interesting to get her take on things, to find out what they've been told about difficult child's 'situation'. </p><p></p><p>I hope the fallout from this settles soon and difficult child learns to keep you in the loop, for his own benefit if not yours.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 147861, member: 1991"] Nancy's right. See if you can talk to the PO. However, you did exactly the right thing - he had snuck out and you had no idea on where to look, because you didn't have this other kid's address. difficult child didn't leave that information nor did he tell you where he was going, so he has to wear the consequences. We have a rule - EVERY member of the household has to let someone know (preferably the cook for the night) where they are and when they will be home. husband is at work during the day but telephones as he leaves for home. That way if he is several hours late, I know I am right to begin worrying. But if he reminds me he has a doctor's appointment on the way home, I know to not worry. easy child 2/difficult child 2 finishes work at 6 pm, collects BF2 from his job then drives home. If they are going to the pub instead, they let me know so I don't include them in dinner plans (and risk wasting food) and also don't worry. If the only ones home are me and difficult child 3, I tell him where I'm going. Such as this evening - "Honey, I have to quickly drive to the shops to collect your prescription. I'll be back by 6 pm." Tis way he doesn't worry or get anxious. It also gives him the chance to say, "Mum! While you're there can you buy more milk and ice cream please?" Tonight BF2 spoke to husband. "easy child 2/difficult child 2 isn't working tomorrow, are you working?" husband said, "Yes, I don't have a day off until next Tuesday." BF2: "Can I get a lift with you to work in the morning then, please? And again coming home?" We work together, for everyone's benefit. These are standard rules you should follow wherever you live, whoever you live with. As students at uni sharing with other students, we would let each other know so we could coordinate plans. If difficult child leaves home he will have to learn this, fast. If he doesn't he is going to find himself alienating the very people he will need to rely on - other people, not his family. Don't feel guilty for calling the police. Don't feel guilty for the police talking to the boy and his mother - it was THE BOY who rang, you didn't send the police after them. And from the sound of it, the mother was happy to share their address, I suspect she is more sympathetic than her husband. Either that, or they don't know the true situation, which is quite possible since they have probably heard a lot about difficult child, from difficult child's point of view, and haven't heard your side of things yet. If you get the chance, thank the mother for being so open. It would be interesting to get her take on things, to find out what they've been told about difficult child's 'situation'. I hope the fallout from this settles soon and difficult child learns to keep you in the loop, for his own benefit if not yours. Marg [/QUOTE]
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