I hate being sensitive!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by meowbunny, Mar 26, 2008.

  1. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    My child is moving out on Friday. I'm happy and sad. The joy of no drama is a good thing. The pain and loneliness of her not here is overwhelming.

    She has today and tomorrow off. Today, she had to go sign the lease on the apartment. Tomorrow, she has to do the run through, meet with roomie and make a list of what all they have and what they need. All well and good and totally understood.

    I had planned to fix her favorite dinner tonight. She calls me at 3:30 to tell me she's going over to her roomie's parents' to celebrate his mom's birthday. I feel petty and selfish but I'm really and truly hurt.

    I didn't rate enough for her to get up early on Easter Sunday so we could at least have breakfast together (she had to work a double) -- that one she actually told me. Well, not me, personally, just that it didn't seem like worth the effort to get up at 8:00 am just to eat breakfast.

    I should have expected it. I'm sure part of it is punishment for not letting her use the car. Another part is that parties are fun. But, darn it, it hurts. :not_fair:

    Is there ever a time that I get to come first in her thoughts? She has tremendous empathy for everyone else. I get treated like dirt while she lets the rest of world walk all over her. I know I wouldn't be as hurt if it was going off to be with a friend, but to go to someone else's parents ....

  2. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Big hug. I know it hurts. My difficult child---heck, even my easy child's---are the same. They are delightful to everyone else---and then make me feel like, well, they don't have time for me. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that they know we will always love them, no matter what. But, it *****.
  3. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Did she know that you had a special dinner planned?

    That would make the biggest difference in my book. I would be disappointed if she had no idea that you planned it special. But if she knew, and then changed plans, I would not only be hurt, I'd be mad.

    Everywoman is right. Our kids know that we love them no matter what. But it does not lessen the sting.

    Big hugs to your hurting mommy heart. You are neither petty nor selfish, just hurting. I am so sorry.
  4. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Well, I didn't tell her but the pork chops were defrosting. I do think part of the reason it happened was simply to punish me because of the car. She just called to apologize for not calling earlier and gave me a song and dance about it being a formal dinner and on and on. I asked when she was coming home and got more of a song and dance. I just told her the connection was bad (it was) and hung up.

    Ya know, I've always said I don't wish she had a child just like her and I truly don't but I hope that one day she understands just how much she has hurt me and makes it up just a little. Is that asking too much?
  5. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    No, I don't think so. Because I don't think she has a clue how much she is hurting you. I really don't. And that goes for many if not most of "our" kids here.

    I would not wish a difficult child on anyone. But I would like for our kids to eventually see what we went through for them, really get it, and appreciate it a little.
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    You're not being sensitive. It stings when our kids treat us like we don't matter.

    Hopefully she won't take you so much for granted once she's out on her own.

    ((hugs)) for your hurting Mommy heart.
  7. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I understand. I hate being sensitive too, but it comes with the territory, I think. Heck, Rob stood me up one time when he knew I was sitting here with a huge dinner that had taken hours to prepare...to celebrate his birthday! Another time, just recently, he and his girlfriend ATE ON THEIR WAY HERE even though both knew I was here making them ribs (girlfriend's favorite). "We were hungry and couldn't wait."


    Hugs to you MB,

  8. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    You know what? I think she will become a much more appreciative daughter once she is not living with you anymore. I found my easy child son to be much more considerate when he left home and also difficult child 1. They are so much nicer to me now (well, son is living with us again but he still is much nicer than he was before he went off to college) than they were when they were younger.

    difficult child 1 was the biggest surprise. She went from being so entitled and so mean (wishing I would die in a car wreck was one of her favorite things to say) and just plain inconsiderate and uncaring about my feelings to treating me like she treats other people she likes. I like her a lot now and she knows and understands what I did for her. But she couldn't see it while living here.

    So, sad as you are about her leaving I think it will turn out to be the best thing for your relationship. I think she will treat you with more respect and just have a better understanding how much you mean to her.

    Sorry for your hurt feelings--I truly do understand!

  9. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I think this could be particularly difficult for you since you are a single parent and tremendous effort had to be placed in caring for your child. No doubt, there have been times that you have felt a special bond as well. It is natural and normal to feel a certain sense of separation twinges at this time. However, it is also a time of opportunity, both for you and your child. Ideally, someone she respects (other than yourself) will help her to comprehend that she has a responsible and respectful role to play as your daughter. For example, holidays with family should be honored whenever possible. However, try to also look at it as a chance for both of you to spread your wings. A chance for her to gain needed independence. And an opportunity for you to explore that part of you that has probably been buried for a long time. Look into your inner self to discover your likes, dislikes and interests. As you do this, any inappropriate behavior on her part will not sting as much. And as she sees your strength, she might actually be more inclined to hang around to see what you've got cooking.