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General Parenting
I have a child with severe adhd
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 514460" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>OH gosh, I know that is my hardest thing.... that my son lives in a world of constant correction and people being angry, even me. and my son is my only too. I have learned that I have to carve out special things that are not rewards that have to be earned nor can they be taken away (unless he just is unsafe to leave the house then we postpone)... so tonight I took him for Chinese food and he got to try something new that he wanted. He was a turd at times but I refused to say anything that would start us on a negative road. </p><p></p><p>It doesn't make up for all of the moments of course. Our therapist has asked me to catch him just as he is doing things and just narrate once in a while.... i see you are playing game boy, you are charging your fm unit, etc.. so I have some non-negative things that are said and he can't get defensive about compliments (which he fights sometimes). Also she suggested I catch him at the end of a task, even as simple as getting out of the car, and give the direction at the very end.... get out of the car ....just as he is closing the door and I have it prelocked so he can't open and be oppositional, LOL. It builds moments of his following directions and me being able to have a positive time with him. I miss chances, but am working on it.</p><p></p><p>And then there are days like what you are talking about... just days when, even though my head says I am doing all I can and I have a right to get frustrated.... I feel awful for not being able to MAKE him happier. It is natural for us as moms to want to make their lives less stressful and happier. But we are just as much challenged by their medical conditions I feel sometimes. It is hard to be a caretaker...way beyond normal parenting duties. </p><p></p><p>So I try to vent here, and try even harder to give myself a break. The fact is, you would not even be here if you were not a good mom.... one who thinks so deeply about these things. SO, time to give yourself a break. Then, when things dont seem so overwhelming....if you are not already doing this but just not able to think of it now because of the way you feel tonight....do one or two things a week that you two can laugh at, that can't be goofed up (I let Q have those packs of dry cookie mix, he tries to follow the directions and make them himself, we both laugh and they are not great, but he likes them and I dont correct him to do it my way, LOL... I wont send you any in the mail, promise!)</p><p></p><p>I wish I had a really good answer, I think my son's self concept is really shaped by exactly what you are talking about. It is sad. But I am doing the best I can. when I dont do well, I step back, forgive myself and try again. Just what we want for them, right?</p><p></p><p>HUGS... really big HUGS actually.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 514460, member: 12886"] OH gosh, I know that is my hardest thing.... that my son lives in a world of constant correction and people being angry, even me. and my son is my only too. I have learned that I have to carve out special things that are not rewards that have to be earned nor can they be taken away (unless he just is unsafe to leave the house then we postpone)... so tonight I took him for Chinese food and he got to try something new that he wanted. He was a turd at times but I refused to say anything that would start us on a negative road. It doesn't make up for all of the moments of course. Our therapist has asked me to catch him just as he is doing things and just narrate once in a while.... i see you are playing game boy, you are charging your fm unit, etc.. so I have some non-negative things that are said and he can't get defensive about compliments (which he fights sometimes). Also she suggested I catch him at the end of a task, even as simple as getting out of the car, and give the direction at the very end.... get out of the car ....just as he is closing the door and I have it prelocked so he can't open and be oppositional, LOL. It builds moments of his following directions and me being able to have a positive time with him. I miss chances, but am working on it. And then there are days like what you are talking about... just days when, even though my head says I am doing all I can and I have a right to get frustrated.... I feel awful for not being able to MAKE him happier. It is natural for us as moms to want to make their lives less stressful and happier. But we are just as much challenged by their medical conditions I feel sometimes. It is hard to be a caretaker...way beyond normal parenting duties. So I try to vent here, and try even harder to give myself a break. The fact is, you would not even be here if you were not a good mom.... one who thinks so deeply about these things. SO, time to give yourself a break. Then, when things dont seem so overwhelming....if you are not already doing this but just not able to think of it now because of the way you feel tonight....do one or two things a week that you two can laugh at, that can't be goofed up (I let Q have those packs of dry cookie mix, he tries to follow the directions and make them himself, we both laugh and they are not great, but he likes them and I dont correct him to do it my way, LOL... I wont send you any in the mail, promise!) I wish I had a really good answer, I think my son's self concept is really shaped by exactly what you are talking about. It is sad. But I am doing the best I can. when I dont do well, I step back, forgive myself and try again. Just what we want for them, right? HUGS... really big HUGS actually. [/QUOTE]
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