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Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
I have elected to tell my son to get treatment and be sober before we talk again.
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<blockquote data-quote="kennedyland" data-source="post: 590129" data-attributes="member: 16133"><p>First, I want to thank everyone for all of all of the wonderful support as I work my way through all of this. Second, I want to give an update on how things are going on.</p><p> </p><p>I have been sending my son weekly text messages offering encouragement to seek treatment, telling him I miss him, love him, and that I will be right with him the moment he gets treatment and is sober. As far as I know, that situation has not changed, and I dont expect anything to change because of all the support he gets on the other side of this business from his sister and mother.</p><p> </p><p>His sister called me about two weeks ago to say she is going to have a baby girl. It was a short, friendly conversation and we simply stuck to that subject. My wife and I sent her, her husband, and her son some gifts of congratulations. I never got a response. I sent her an email telling her we have sold our house and that I love her, but no response.</p><p> </p><p>I dont want to get into any sort of argument with her about this or even raise the issue since she is pregnant. She has already told me that if I upset her and she loses the baby, its my fault. Its a bit of a Catch-22 isnt it? So, Im simply going to send messages of love, support, and caring to her.</p><p> </p><p>Oddly, Im not angry with either of my children (Hes almost 29 and shes 32). I dont see the point. They are living their lives and their choices differ from mine, but theyre adults and its their journey; just as it is my journey and my choice to cut him off until he seeks help. </p><p> </p><p>My daughter is making what she sees as a caring choice to stand by her brother. Of course, she lives several hundred miles away and doesnt see what is really going on. His living conditions, his moods, his stubbornness, and so forth are all pretty much unseen by her. Their mother, my ex, who pays for his cell phone and health insurance, doesnt see it as enabling and is offended that I say it is. I have a rather sneaky feeling that she is supporting, and even encouraging my daughters choice to cut me off. </p><p> </p><p>To add to that, I have a sister who pays her 35 year old sons mortgage, drives him around because he lost his drivers license due to a third DWI.</p><p> </p><p>Plus, my mother continues to support my 52 year old brother who was into meth, currently goes to AA meetings (and then right after the meetings goes out for beers), and always seems to have one crisis after another. Hes always claimed he was innocent in everything like when he was in jail for cell phone theft, and then another time when he was saying he didnt realize the woman he was living with was using his apartment for a prostitution ring. (He said it must have happened while he was sleeping.)</p><p> </p><p>With this kind of situation backing him up and making me the evil dad I cant win. However, I wont cave in to this nonsense. I love both of my kids and I place my hope in the future. </p><p> </p><p>Again, thanks to all of you for your support. I wont pretend that this is easy. Its very hard. Let me say that again. Its very hard. But with your support, going to ALANON meetings, the support of my wife, and the strength I can draw from my hard-to-define-faith, Im going to get through this. With any luck, hell get it together and shell learn that her choices are, perhaps, not wise. Thanks.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="kennedyland, post: 590129, member: 16133"] First, I want to thank everyone for all of all of the wonderful support as I work my way through all of this. Second, I want to give an update on how things are going on. I have been sending my son weekly text messages offering encouragement to seek treatment, telling him I miss him, love him, and that I will be right with him the moment he gets treatment and is sober. As far as I know, that situation has not changed, and I dont expect anything to change because of all the support he gets on the other side of this business from his sister and mother. His sister called me about two weeks ago to say she is going to have a baby girl. It was a short, friendly conversation and we simply stuck to that subject. My wife and I sent her, her husband, and her son some gifts of congratulations. I never got a response. I sent her an email telling her we have sold our house and that I love her, but no response. I dont want to get into any sort of argument with her about this or even raise the issue since she is pregnant. She has already told me that if I upset her and she loses the baby, its my fault. Its a bit of a Catch-22 isnt it? So, Im simply going to send messages of love, support, and caring to her. Oddly, Im not angry with either of my children (Hes almost 29 and shes 32). I dont see the point. They are living their lives and their choices differ from mine, but theyre adults and its their journey; just as it is my journey and my choice to cut him off until he seeks help. My daughter is making what she sees as a caring choice to stand by her brother. Of course, she lives several hundred miles away and doesnt see what is really going on. His living conditions, his moods, his stubbornness, and so forth are all pretty much unseen by her. Their mother, my ex, who pays for his cell phone and health insurance, doesnt see it as enabling and is offended that I say it is. I have a rather sneaky feeling that she is supporting, and even encouraging my daughters choice to cut me off. To add to that, I have a sister who pays her 35 year old sons mortgage, drives him around because he lost his drivers license due to a third DWI. Plus, my mother continues to support my 52 year old brother who was into meth, currently goes to AA meetings (and then right after the meetings goes out for beers), and always seems to have one crisis after another. Hes always claimed he was innocent in everything like when he was in jail for cell phone theft, and then another time when he was saying he didnt realize the woman he was living with was using his apartment for a prostitution ring. (He said it must have happened while he was sleeping.) With this kind of situation backing him up and making me the evil dad I cant win. However, I wont cave in to this nonsense. I love both of my kids and I place my hope in the future. Again, thanks to all of you for your support. I wont pretend that this is easy. Its very hard. Let me say that again. Its very hard. But with your support, going to ALANON meetings, the support of my wife, and the strength I can draw from my hard-to-define-faith, Im going to get through this. With any luck, hell get it together and shell learn that her choices are, perhaps, not wise. Thanks. [/QUOTE]
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I have elected to tell my son to get treatment and be sober before we talk again.
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