Two weeks ago I left a message on my son's telephone that I didn't want to see him or talk to him until he gets treatment and proves he's working on sobriety. This was the result of 13 - 14 years of trying to work with him to convince him to try to get sober. None of it has ever worked. When he was in high school I spent all of the money I'd saved to put him into college on treatment programs, counseling, a sobriety high school, half-way homes, and so forth. He rejected all of it. Indeed, at the time he said, "When I turn 18 I'm going to do all the drugs I want and you can't stop me." My reply was, "Fine. Then I'm not paying for college until you get sober and have a sponsor." His mother, my ex, had/has a different point of view. She paid for college although he dropped out the first semester. She sent him back two more times and he dropped out both times. He was jailed for possession and we got a lawyer and bailed him out. He's lived in awful apartments, he doesn't wash his clothing, goes from being nice to lethargic, to arrogant, to angry, and back again. He is almost 29 years old. His mom pays his cell phone and health insurance. I refuse to do so. I've done ALANON for over 12 years. I've read books, been to counselors, and I've been as patient as I can be. I've said no to requests for money, for rides, for dozens of things over the years. Two weeks ago I went over to the house where he lives. I could barely get to the house because of the thick ice on the sidewalk. When I got to his bedroom (this was at 11:15 in the morning. He was still in bed.) I could barely open the door. It was trash covering the whole floor. It smelled. He looked a wreck. That was when I snapped. I couldn't do this to myself anymore. I couldn't pretend to put up with these lies, indifference, smells, arrogance, and so forth. He called me back and left a vile text message calling me and my wife every name in the book. I informed his sister and mother what I was doing. His mom never responded. His sister took his side and canceled a visit I was to have that week to see her and my grandson. She has since blocked me and my wife on Facebook and doesn't respond to my messages. She's never had ALANON training or any experience in dealing with this since she has been away for 12 years to college, job, and so forth. I know her response is through ignorance and not clear. However, I am being treated as the problem and he is the little saint. This hurts. This really hurts. I love him. I love her. I just hope there is light at the end of this tunnel. I'm being strong, and hanging in there, but it comes at me in waves. Any thoughts?