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Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
I have elected to tell my son to get treatment and be sober before we talk again.
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 594123" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>I have been thinking about your situation because it brings back memories of my own history. I was 23 when my parents got divorced after 38 years of marriage. Their divorce shook me to the core and had a much bigger impact than my father expected or understood. My relationship with him was very very strained for many years and for years I would have nothing to do with his 2nd wife. I did eventually come to some resolution and actually became very fond of his wife and made it clear to her that our issues really had nothing to do with her and everything to do with the issues in the divorce.</p><p></p><p>So my sense from your posts and your comments about your kids feeling abandoned by you and their reaction to your wife is that there are real unresolved issues around your divorce. My suggestion to you is to try and open up a dialog about this at least with your daughter and then be ready to just listen to how she feels about it. I think often parents really discount what the impact of divorce is on a child. I know the big problem with my dad was he didnt really want to hear how we felt, but rather just wanted us to accept his new life and yet we had some real resentments about how he handled some things in the divorce. </p><p></p><p>You may at some point need to have a similar conversation with your son but it may be impossible while he is using drugs.</p><p></p><p>Hope this helps,</p><p></p><p>*TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 594123, member: 15801"] I have been thinking about your situation because it brings back memories of my own history. I was 23 when my parents got divorced after 38 years of marriage. Their divorce shook me to the core and had a much bigger impact than my father expected or understood. My relationship with him was very very strained for many years and for years I would have nothing to do with his 2nd wife. I did eventually come to some resolution and actually became very fond of his wife and made it clear to her that our issues really had nothing to do with her and everything to do with the issues in the divorce. So my sense from your posts and your comments about your kids feeling abandoned by you and their reaction to your wife is that there are real unresolved issues around your divorce. My suggestion to you is to try and open up a dialog about this at least with your daughter and then be ready to just listen to how she feels about it. I think often parents really discount what the impact of divorce is on a child. I know the big problem with my dad was he didnt really want to hear how we felt, but rather just wanted us to accept his new life and yet we had some real resentments about how he handled some things in the divorce. You may at some point need to have a similar conversation with your son but it may be impossible while he is using drugs. Hope this helps, *TL [/QUOTE]
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I have elected to tell my son to get treatment and be sober before we talk again.
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