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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 312830" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>First off, I am sorry you are sick with the flu/virus. If it is a flu you NEED to see a doctor because it is very likely the h1n1 (or as a member here called it - hiney) flu. Things seem worse when you are sick.</p><p></p><p>Now, I KNOW that things are terrible. That being sick does NOT mean that it isn't abusive and horrible and scary. It is all of those.</p><p></p><p> I am so sorry that you are cut off from other people in your community. MWM had excellent suggestions of narc anon and alanon. If D is not an alcoholic or drug abuser chances are that one of your relatives may have that problem. I am NOT casting blame or saying awful things about your family. It is just that most families have someone with one of these problems. I have quite a few myself. Use these relatives as an excuse to seek out alanon. Or go without telling him where you are going. You will not only have people who understand, you will make friends and you will find resources. </p><p></p><p>The way D and B change suddenly and the dark side of their personalities comes out is very scary. It tells you that they are VERY DANGEROUS. Do not tell D that he is abusing you and B. Or that B is abusing you. Do NOT tell them this. It will spur them to do even worse things. (You think this is abuse?? I'll give you some real abuse" reaction).</p><p></p><p> As for the child. He is being abused. Many of his behaviors stem from a lifetime of being abused. He has such a lousy, awful, painful life. It truly is sad that no one cares enough to make sure this kid gets help.</p><p></p><p>That said, I DO understand that he would likely blame YOU and not his dad. His dad is all he knows. What would happen to HIM if his dad left/was taken away? He knows you won't take him (totally understandable) and he also may have cooperated with children's services in the past. It probably resulted in his dad keeping custody and the kid getting even worse abuse and threats from his dad. So why would he cooperate? He truly knows nothing else and it would never occur to him that other parents didn't do this and more.</p><p></p><p>Your behavior was not the best. You know it, we know it. It is not as bad as his father's, but at least you recognize the need for change. </p><p></p><p>We may be strangers on the other end of a keyboard who collided out on the web, but we are still friends. We are still worried about you. We will still help in any way we can, send hugs, sympathize, find resources, worry and pray for/about you. In many ways you can be honest with us in a way you cannot be with most people because we have been there done that and because we don't sit and stare at you.</p><p></p><p>We really DO care. Please let us know what state you are in. Keep in touch so we know you are OK. Above all, know that you are NOT ALONE. </p><p></p><p>Many hugs,</p><p></p><p>Susie</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 312830, member: 1233"] First off, I am sorry you are sick with the flu/virus. If it is a flu you NEED to see a doctor because it is very likely the h1n1 (or as a member here called it - hiney) flu. Things seem worse when you are sick. Now, I KNOW that things are terrible. That being sick does NOT mean that it isn't abusive and horrible and scary. It is all of those. I am so sorry that you are cut off from other people in your community. MWM had excellent suggestions of narc anon and alanon. If D is not an alcoholic or drug abuser chances are that one of your relatives may have that problem. I am NOT casting blame or saying awful things about your family. It is just that most families have someone with one of these problems. I have quite a few myself. Use these relatives as an excuse to seek out alanon. Or go without telling him where you are going. You will not only have people who understand, you will make friends and you will find resources. The way D and B change suddenly and the dark side of their personalities comes out is very scary. It tells you that they are VERY DANGEROUS. Do not tell D that he is abusing you and B. Or that B is abusing you. Do NOT tell them this. It will spur them to do even worse things. (You think this is abuse?? I'll give you some real abuse" reaction). As for the child. He is being abused. Many of his behaviors stem from a lifetime of being abused. He has such a lousy, awful, painful life. It truly is sad that no one cares enough to make sure this kid gets help. That said, I DO understand that he would likely blame YOU and not his dad. His dad is all he knows. What would happen to HIM if his dad left/was taken away? He knows you won't take him (totally understandable) and he also may have cooperated with children's services in the past. It probably resulted in his dad keeping custody and the kid getting even worse abuse and threats from his dad. So why would he cooperate? He truly knows nothing else and it would never occur to him that other parents didn't do this and more. Your behavior was not the best. You know it, we know it. It is not as bad as his father's, but at least you recognize the need for change. We may be strangers on the other end of a keyboard who collided out on the web, but we are still friends. We are still worried about you. We will still help in any way we can, send hugs, sympathize, find resources, worry and pray for/about you. In many ways you can be honest with us in a way you cannot be with most people because we have been there done that and because we don't sit and stare at you. We really DO care. Please let us know what state you are in. Keep in touch so we know you are OK. Above all, know that you are NOT ALONE. Many hugs, Susie [/QUOTE]
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