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<blockquote data-quote="LoveMyDuke" data-source="post: 312840"><p>Susiestar--thanks to you, as well. No one in my family has alcohol problems...not by a long-shot. We are the quintessential normal family, although don't get me wrong, we have our quirks. My experience with AODA comes from Ashley's dad. She is my daughter who died. Tim and I were together for 15 years before he committed suicide over my relationship with Dave. Tim and I had been apart for one year when I met Dave, but Tim could not cope with life. He was a severe alcoholic and I believe had some undiagnosed mental illness--in hindsight I see a lot I didn't see at the time it was happening. He left me a long, detailed voicemail message 3 minutes before pulling out of a police turnaround on the Interstate and driving his vehicle head-on into a semi going 65 MPH. He did it near the exit he knew I had to get off at to get to Dave's house...the same exit he knew I would drive by that morning on my way to work (he did this at 5 AM). Talk about the ultimate f**k you.</p><p> </p><p>And yes. You are right again--I absolutely should be in Al-Anon still. The effects of alcoholics don't go away just because the alcoholic is gone. Thanks so very much for this reminder. I will look into finding another group.</p><p> </p><p>So yea, how's them apples for some messed up circumstances? I don't mean to sound flippant. I'm not. But if I don't tell it "matter of factly", almost like telling someone else's story, I lose it. </p><p> </p><p>So I clung to Dave after Tim's death not because I WANTED this...but because it was better than alone. Nothing is worse than alone when you are grieving. Dave didn't help with my grief, or even so much as offer sympathy, but what he provided was a vital element that I needed: distraction. With him I did not have to deal with Tim's death all at once...I could do that in bits and pieces. When I was alone, I had nothing to distract myself. Tim's death consumed me, crushed me. I could not handle it 24/7. So I used Dave....used him to be my escape. </p><p> </p><p>Does that make me a really bad person? Maybe. But it is beyond words to describe what dealing with suicide is like.</p><p> </p><p>This happened three years ago. Three years ago on October 6th, to be exact. So now you know why I'm here in this screwed up situation. Am I a bad person for staying under these crazy pretenses? Maybe. It was self-preservation. I had no family in the area and few friends. I didn't know how else to survive.</p><p> </p><p>At any rate, the advice is all GREAT. Thank you for being here! You really have no idea how much I need this. Saving money won't be an issue. We have completely separate finances...he has no idea what credit union I even used. </p><p> </p><p>And even though this may sound like an excuse, it's really not. He will never try to "get me to stay" or screw with my head to make me think I'm at fault. This is what I believe to be the Asperger's-like tendencies of his--he won't care. I've left before (this was before we lived together) and his response is "oh well." He told me last week "I have no conscience." Not in a criminal, sociopathic kind of way...Dave is not at all dangerous to me, even though I know he sounds that way. He just really does not care about a whole lot. His "rages" with Brandon are pretty much identical to the ones the kid has himself, minus crying. They both do the exact same thing--snap, scream, swear, sometimes get physical--and then it's over. Like nothing happened. And I'M the crazy one for still being upset. To them it's over and they have no comprehension why I might be a tad bit upset.</p><p> </p><p>When I get out of this, I am absolutely taking MWMom's advice and calling CPS. No authorities have ever been involved with this kid, but I think that's a long time coming. Now Dave says he "can't afford" Brandon's medications until January (when his insurance renews), so he's thinking about just the kid off them again. Unbelievable. Funny how he could afford a new fireplace and big-screen TV...but not his own child's medication. SOMEONE else needs to be aware of what he's doing to this child.</p><p> </p><p>Anyway. Thanks again. Man, I would have gone out of my mind this morning if not for this board. Truly cuckoo. I took a bunch of flu medicine and actually feel somewhat better. I have a ton of studying to do--I can't lay arond all day today.</p><p> </p><p>But despite feeling like ****, I am going to go now and walk Duke in the woods. </p><p>Autumn in the beautiful rolling hills of southern Wisconsin is like something you'd see on a postcard. It's bright and crisp and pretty outside--just exactly the kind of food for the soul I am desperately in need of.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="LoveMyDuke, post: 312840"] Susiestar--thanks to you, as well. No one in my family has alcohol problems...not by a long-shot. We are the quintessential normal family, although don't get me wrong, we have our quirks. My experience with AODA comes from Ashley's dad. She is my daughter who died. Tim and I were together for 15 years before he committed suicide over my relationship with Dave. Tim and I had been apart for one year when I met Dave, but Tim could not cope with life. He was a severe alcoholic and I believe had some undiagnosed mental illness--in hindsight I see a lot I didn't see at the time it was happening. He left me a long, detailed voicemail message 3 minutes before pulling out of a police turnaround on the Interstate and driving his vehicle head-on into a semi going 65 MPH. He did it near the exit he knew I had to get off at to get to Dave's house...the same exit he knew I would drive by that morning on my way to work (he did this at 5 AM). Talk about the ultimate f**k you. And yes. You are right again--I absolutely should be in Al-Anon still. The effects of alcoholics don't go away just because the alcoholic is gone. Thanks so very much for this reminder. I will look into finding another group. So yea, how's them apples for some messed up circumstances? I don't mean to sound flippant. I'm not. But if I don't tell it "matter of factly", almost like telling someone else's story, I lose it. So I clung to Dave after Tim's death not because I WANTED this...but because it was better than alone. Nothing is worse than alone when you are grieving. Dave didn't help with my grief, or even so much as offer sympathy, but what he provided was a vital element that I needed: distraction. With him I did not have to deal with Tim's death all at once...I could do that in bits and pieces. When I was alone, I had nothing to distract myself. Tim's death consumed me, crushed me. I could not handle it 24/7. So I used Dave....used him to be my escape. Does that make me a really bad person? Maybe. But it is beyond words to describe what dealing with suicide is like. This happened three years ago. Three years ago on October 6th, to be exact. So now you know why I'm here in this screwed up situation. Am I a bad person for staying under these crazy pretenses? Maybe. It was self-preservation. I had no family in the area and few friends. I didn't know how else to survive. At any rate, the advice is all GREAT. Thank you for being here! You really have no idea how much I need this. Saving money won't be an issue. We have completely separate finances...he has no idea what credit union I even used. And even though this may sound like an excuse, it's really not. He will never try to "get me to stay" or screw with my head to make me think I'm at fault. This is what I believe to be the Asperger's-like tendencies of his--he won't care. I've left before (this was before we lived together) and his response is "oh well." He told me last week "I have no conscience." Not in a criminal, sociopathic kind of way...Dave is not at all dangerous to me, even though I know he sounds that way. He just really does not care about a whole lot. His "rages" with Brandon are pretty much identical to the ones the kid has himself, minus crying. They both do the exact same thing--snap, scream, swear, sometimes get physical--and then it's over. Like nothing happened. And I'M the crazy one for still being upset. To them it's over and they have no comprehension why I might be a tad bit upset. When I get out of this, I am absolutely taking MWMom's advice and calling CPS. No authorities have ever been involved with this kid, but I think that's a long time coming. Now Dave says he "can't afford" Brandon's medications until January (when his insurance renews), so he's thinking about just the kid off them again. Unbelievable. Funny how he could afford a new fireplace and big-screen TV...but not his own child's medication. SOMEONE else needs to be aware of what he's doing to this child. Anyway. Thanks again. Man, I would have gone out of my mind this morning if not for this board. Truly cuckoo. I took a bunch of flu medicine and actually feel somewhat better. I have a ton of studying to do--I can't lay arond all day today. But despite feeling like ****, I am going to go now and walk Duke in the woods. Autumn in the beautiful rolling hills of southern Wisconsin is like something you'd see on a postcard. It's bright and crisp and pretty outside--just exactly the kind of food for the soul I am desperately in need of. [/QUOTE]
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