I HAVE to get this out of my system

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by nvts, Mar 17, 2008.

  1. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    ...before I explode. If you don't want to post, it's ok. I just need to blow up in a public way before I get arrested for what I'd like to do.

    A little background: There is a forum on our local paper. A friend suggested that I go on because there was a problem at the preschool that all 3 difficult child's attended and where difficult child 1 & 2 (at the time ages 3 and 5) were beaten by the Director. I felt horrible for the little girl (molested) but validated because no less than 9 parents came forward and spoke about physical abuse leveled at their children.

    I posted to "chime in" and didn't think anything of it.

    After a few days, I was "wandering" around the different forums and I see a post about my Aunt who was a nun in one of the towns and who had passed away 15 years ago of ovarian cancer. Not to sound like a martyr here, but we developed an extremely close friendship while she was ill, and I visited her every weekend (Sat. & Sun. unless she asked me not to come because other people were going to be there) and when she would be hospitalized for treatments or complications, I was there every day after work. I loved her and she became my friend rather than a scary nun. I named my daughter after her.

    My psycho sister (brain fried by pot, alcohol and very, very clear psychiatric issues) posts to some guy that my Aunt questioned her vocation (whether or not she should have been a nun!). This was NOT true and I replied as such. Wack job looks at my old posts, figures out it's me and says so on the forum and that I shouldn't be so judgemental considering my "special" kids.

    I hate her! My dad asked me not to reply, but it's getting harder to resist because people are telling her to stay strong!

    I hate her!

  2. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    Can you post and tell her not to assume who she is speaking to and act as if you are a stranger so others will doubt too?
  3. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Nah, that wouldn't work. She knows it's me and I don't care that she does, but I soooo want to have the last word on this subject.

    My plan is to instruct my kids (who she feels comfortable targeting on a public forum) that at any family gatherings they are to stay away from her because she's a druggie. It's true (she has a room at my Dad's house where my youngest sis - "fibromyalgia girl" or "stick girl" lives with her two boys and smokes up a "wake and bake" bone so horribly that she stinks up the whole house) and tells my sis to mind her own business. My dad is just trying to keep the piece!

    I hate her!
  4. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Let it all out.

    Hugs, hugs, and more hugs.

    I hate her too!
  5. sandman3

    sandman3 New Member

    I feel you. I have the same type of relationship (if you can call it that) with my sister (which I no longer consider her to be)

    GIANT (((((((((HUGS))))))))) TO YOU TODAY!
  6. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    I knew coming to you guys would be a good move. I'm just so mad (and I'm not used to feeling that way - I'm the fool that tends to look at the bright side while remaining a realist) that she's claiming my memories as my own, preaching about being a good Christian (I'm in church twice a week - gimme a break - we're Catholic and she's sleeping with a married man!) yet abusing my kids on a forum.

  7. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I'm sorry. I understand the temptation to post again, but it will probably die down quicker if you don't.
  8. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Ok Shari, how long have you known my Dad?...lol!
  9. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I have to say that there have been many times over the years when I have truly felt that I hated my sister. She's loco and has no problem saying whatever pops into her head, not matter who it's about or how hurtful it is. My old counselor told me that based on what I had told her of my sister, she'd likely diagnose her with narcissistic pesonality disorder, which totally fits.

    Anyway, I hate that unsettled feeling in the pit of my stomach when I feel real harsh and very strong feelings of HATE for her. I wish I could stop it and in time it does wane, but when it's there, my God, it's like I want so desperately to squelch it, but cannot.

    I know how you feel.......I don't think my hating her alongside you will help, but I will send some good ju-ju that you're able to A) have the last word (and sometimes not engaging IS the last word) and B) you're able to back away from her (and possibly your family) for a while so you can collect yourself.

    It's insanity to engage with an insane person. There's an excellent book I read called, "Stop Walking on Eggshells" on how to deal with people like our sisters. It helped me a lot to not only confirm that it wasn't me, but also to detach from my sister in a way that was/is healthy for me.

    Sending hugs~ (and maybe just a little sympathy hate!)
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    We have a crazy sister, too (my husband's older sister) and we have found that the more she is out in public, the more people realize how batty she is. So we generally let it go when she says something totally wrong. Eventually people will figure it out. What goes on behind the scenes is far more powerful, anyway.
    Take care.
  11. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    OMG!!! This is what that piece of ugh, I can't find a word that truly states how I feel! posted this morning. I swear, it's like a car wreck, you don't want to look but at that very last second...

    Over the weekend, I did much thinking on this subject. I prayed for you. My aunt would not be happy with me for not apologizing for coming on so strong to a reaction I had to your statement, which offended me. I still feel that I did not slight her memory - I loved her and she was my aunt. That being said, it would make no sense for me to say anything I wasn't proud of. I was proud of her and felt it an integral part of who I have become that she was honest with me in an hour of despair. Yes - that may be painful to you to hear - but I didn't come into this forum and share the story with anything less than love for my aunt and compassion for someone who couldn't feel forgiven for the past. If you are who I think you may be - I've prayed for you more than you know. If you're not the person I think you are - one more doesn't hurt. It all starts with "Peace be with you."

    She's praying for me! She's praying for me! Not for nothing, but DON'T PUT A WORD IN FOR ME! I swear, I believe the good lord has a sense of humor, but God help me if he thinks along the lines of guilt by association!!

    I swear on all that is holy, this girl visited our aunt exactly twice when she was ill and I was there BOTH TIMES!

    The night before the burial, she got so drunk, drove home, put spaghetti on the stove and fell asleep. The whole house was full with smoke and the pot bottom was burnt so badly it took me 3 days to get it clean. She was stoned at the church and disappeared at the reception afterward. God help me, I'm going to explode!
  12. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I think you should not look at the board for at least 2 weeks until this blows over.

    Separate yourself from her. In her head she is right.

    In her head she really and truly believes that her relationship with your aunt was what she states and that your aunt really did make statements to her that you aren't away of. Even if you are 110% positive those statements never occurred, in HER head she is convinced that they did, even if on some subconcious level she knows it's all a lie.

    Her thinking is pathological - you need to detach from her and all her postings - as hard as it may be, you must not allow yourself to go look and see what drivel she is posting about or to whom.

    No matter what you say or do, she will never see your point or believe you or think you are correct or any of those things. It's not worth driving yourself crazy over. Stop going to that board for a while.

    Yeesh - sending some hugs and armor. Protect yourself.
  13. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Nvts, this is what my therapist calls "magical thinking". Nothing will convince your sister otherwise.

    You could have a tape recording of every conversation that she ever had with your Aunt, and she would argue until she's blue in the face that you "doctored" them all.

    Sometimes the only way to win is not to play. This sounds like one of those times.

  14. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    HA! Beth. Made ya laugh! lol
  15. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I think I would take Jo's advice - it's really well thought out and fantastic wisdom.

    Makes you just want to run right out and post that you aren't crazy and she's a moron with a capital MO doesn't it? Drugs alter your mind, your perceptions, your memory, your thought process - and she may never have logical thinking. The sad part is - now that she knows you are on that blog - she'll keep close tabs on it and try to pick out your articles for sabotage. That being the case - it really is best to sit back and say nothing - eventually people like this hang themselves. She'll get pity this time so she'll be hooked on writing - and then eventually she'll become overconfident in her story telling and SOMEONE will bust her for a lie and since it's in a blog - it can be verified. This is in my humble opinion a give her enough rope situation.

    There will ALWAYS be someone, somewhere that feels SORRY for a person like your sister. It seems to be that people like her have down to a science how to evoke emotions of pity, and remorse from people who have no idea what living with someone mentally diminished or drug addled is all about. They are usually the same people who want to kill the neighborhood boy for riding his bike across the corner of their lawn. (Know what I mean??) So much for forgiveness and understanding.

    And since you can't think like a psychopath it's harder for you to find a reason to her self-prescribed logic. She has told these lies to herself SO MANY TIMES that now even she believes them. Just sad really.

    Beth - I hope you can find the strength to let this go. And don't say that you hate her. If you do she controls you - she has [] much of you. Tell yourself that you don't care to be around her because her logic is psychopathic. But don't let her own you. Hate hurts you worse than it does her because you are spending YOUR precious time agonizing over someone that doesnt' deserve to get a glance from you let alone any emotion you may have. Yup - she's a jerk. You can't change jerky back into a cow - so she's just going to be a jerk.

  16. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    In the line of what Star has said, Jo's advice is wonderful - and right on the money.

    What would your Aunt's reaction have been? To go and proclaim her faith in the newspaper? To tell the world this druggie is telling lies about her? Or to go about her life, and her duties as a nun, KNOWING that GOD knows the truth?

    Jsut my 2 cents.
  17. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    NVTS -

    Maybe you should ask you Aunts husband what he would do.

  18. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I would probably stay off the forum. If you go back at some point in the future, change your name. I would ignore your sister. It was inappropriate to mention your children and double inappropriate to say or even imply that they have special needs. If you feel that the forum is being read by many people, you could say that you don't agree with her responses and in fact think they are very inappropriate and leave it at that. in my humble opinion, if she is meanspirited, I would stay away from her until such time that yyou have evidence that she has found the light. You can always be civil if your paths cross (avoid this) but you do not need to engage in much conversation or be friends.
  19. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have to agree with your dad although I know I would be so ticked I'm not sure I could follow my own advice. Hugs.
  20. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Think a sister like that is bad???

    Try a mother.:highvoltage:

    Sometimes is all in the perspective.

    Of course I have a sis like that too. (lucky me) We used to be super close years ago. But now either the prescription drugs have so fried her brain or she's so far off her nut that her memories somehow don't match anyone else's memories in the whole family. AND makes stuff up you woudn't believe!!!

    I'm an heir to a trust fund, don'tcha know? Millions and millions stashed in there. From my grandmother.

    Reality??? My grandmother lived off her social security check til the day she died.

    She spoon feeds her kids that bunk and they just lap it up.


    Take deep breaths and let it go. Karma is a *itch.