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I have to have my grown son arrested for theft
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 702376" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Memedixie, reading through this thread since you first started posting, it's been up and down for you in terms of your own emotions. That is so normal. Please know that it's perfectly sane and normal for us to feel good about finally setting a boundary...the next day we feel bad about that same situation...something he/she says makes us mad and we feel better again for a day or two...then we get scared again and feel bad again. It is a true roller coaster.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, this is the absolute hardest part of all of this. The only way to handle it is to walk through the emotions...let them come...let them flow through you. Feel them fully. Cry, yell, hit a pillow. Stare at the wall. Lie down and sob. Whatever you need to do...let yourself do it. Let yourself feel it all fully.</p><p></p><p>If you do and you don't fight it...the emotions will subside in a few hours or a day. You won't always feel like this. You will get better...regardless of what your son does or doesn't do. </p><p></p><p>And as you feel your own and valid feelings...don't act. Don't react. Don't feel like you have to DO SOMETHING. Most of us fought the feelings by taking action for years and years and years. It didn't help them...but it DID make us feel better. Taking action tamps down the feelings...even if it's wrong, we have DONE SOMETHING. Don't give in to that compulsion. </p><p></p><p>I promise you I did this for years and years and years. I was the best action-taker in the whole wide world, and I could make a decision quick and then get it carried out in record time.</p><p></p><p>That skill truly does not work in these situations. In fact, it usually makes the whole situation much worse.</p><p></p><p>Learning to reel ourselves in...not to act...take time...wait...that is true self-discipline, and it took me a long long time to make any progress at all. Start trying it. You will get better, and you will let him experience the consequences of his own actions and decisions without interference from you. That is the only way DCs learn.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You can be a huge help and comfort to her, and if she wants it, you can help guide her to a place of more peace and serenity.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there. We're here for you. This is the hardest thing you will likely ever do. but you can do it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 702376, member: 17542"] Memedixie, reading through this thread since you first started posting, it's been up and down for you in terms of your own emotions. That is so normal. Please know that it's perfectly sane and normal for us to feel good about finally setting a boundary...the next day we feel bad about that same situation...something he/she says makes us mad and we feel better again for a day or two...then we get scared again and feel bad again. It is a true roller coaster. Yes, this is the absolute hardest part of all of this. The only way to handle it is to walk through the emotions...let them come...let them flow through you. Feel them fully. Cry, yell, hit a pillow. Stare at the wall. Lie down and sob. Whatever you need to do...let yourself do it. Let yourself feel it all fully. If you do and you don't fight it...the emotions will subside in a few hours or a day. You won't always feel like this. You will get better...regardless of what your son does or doesn't do. And as you feel your own and valid feelings...don't act. Don't react. Don't feel like you have to DO SOMETHING. Most of us fought the feelings by taking action for years and years and years. It didn't help them...but it DID make us feel better. Taking action tamps down the feelings...even if it's wrong, we have DONE SOMETHING. Don't give in to that compulsion. I promise you I did this for years and years and years. I was the best action-taker in the whole wide world, and I could make a decision quick and then get it carried out in record time. That skill truly does not work in these situations. In fact, it usually makes the whole situation much worse. Learning to reel ourselves in...not to act...take time...wait...that is true self-discipline, and it took me a long long time to make any progress at all. Start trying it. You will get better, and you will let him experience the consequences of his own actions and decisions without interference from you. That is the only way DCs learn. You can be a huge help and comfort to her, and if she wants it, you can help guide her to a place of more peace and serenity. Hang in there. We're here for you. This is the hardest thing you will likely ever do. but you can do it. [/QUOTE]
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