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I honestly do not know what to do with this kid
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<blockquote data-quote="mstang67chic" data-source="post: 296140" data-attributes="member: 2459"><p>That's pretty much what I do with difficult child these days. Or, I do things without him. When he was a bit younger (around 15-16), he would say to us and to his therapist that we (well, mainly I) didn't do anything with him or take him places. But when I DID...he behaved horridly. One time when he did this, I asked why he was acting that way. He said it was because he didn't like being seen in public with me. Ok fine, that's easily fixed. And ever since then, I don't really take him ANYWHERE that we don't HAVE to go to. He goes to family things and to the home of some close friends but that's it. He refuses to act like a human in public with me so I just don't take him. Anytime we go anywhere, if HE'S bored or if HE doesn't want to be there anymore (you know...like when he's not the center of attention or people aren't going out of their way to keep him entertained), then HE declares it's time to go. If we're here in town I tell him to either deal or walk home. His choice. If we're farther from home, he just has to deal or go pout in the car. I don't tolerate it anymore. Just yesterday I ran into a former co-worker who was with one of his boys at a pond in the housing addition some of my in laws live in. I stopped and talked to him while still in the car. THREE times, difficult child said, "You about ready to go?". I ignored him and continued with my conversation. </p><p></p><p>Maybe I've detached myself a bit too much but when dealing with the "poor me...nobody loves me, they all want me to act THIS way when I want to act THAT way, everybody hates me stuff....my attitude is, Fine, whatever. You want to be miserable all the time but I don't. Either come along and act in a decent manner or sit here and wallow. Granted, at 14 you can't just turn her loose or force her to cooperate with the therapist. But if there is anything you can hold over her head to make her go...computer, phone, tv, etc. I would try it. Otherwise...as long as she's safe and not doing things to get her in trouble, I'd leave her be. Do to get, you know? I've found that while it's still frustrating and pushes my buttons at times, this reaction on my part has made it easier in some ways to deal with it. With my difficult child, he has the choice to partcipate and behave in an acceptable manner or not. I just don't let it stop me from doing things that I want to do. He thinks the world revolves around him anyway...giving in to his demands just enforces that and does nothing to help him work on it. </p><p></p><p>But...that's just me. If something in what I wrote is helpful, take it. If not...well, I do understand. It hoovers but sometimes you do what you have to do. </p><p></p><p>HUGS</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mstang67chic, post: 296140, member: 2459"] That's pretty much what I do with difficult child these days. Or, I do things without him. When he was a bit younger (around 15-16), he would say to us and to his therapist that we (well, mainly I) didn't do anything with him or take him places. But when I DID...he behaved horridly. One time when he did this, I asked why he was acting that way. He said it was because he didn't like being seen in public with me. Ok fine, that's easily fixed. And ever since then, I don't really take him ANYWHERE that we don't HAVE to go to. He goes to family things and to the home of some close friends but that's it. He refuses to act like a human in public with me so I just don't take him. Anytime we go anywhere, if HE'S bored or if HE doesn't want to be there anymore (you know...like when he's not the center of attention or people aren't going out of their way to keep him entertained), then HE declares it's time to go. If we're here in town I tell him to either deal or walk home. His choice. If we're farther from home, he just has to deal or go pout in the car. I don't tolerate it anymore. Just yesterday I ran into a former co-worker who was with one of his boys at a pond in the housing addition some of my in laws live in. I stopped and talked to him while still in the car. THREE times, difficult child said, "You about ready to go?". I ignored him and continued with my conversation. Maybe I've detached myself a bit too much but when dealing with the "poor me...nobody loves me, they all want me to act THIS way when I want to act THAT way, everybody hates me stuff....my attitude is, Fine, whatever. You want to be miserable all the time but I don't. Either come along and act in a decent manner or sit here and wallow. Granted, at 14 you can't just turn her loose or force her to cooperate with the therapist. But if there is anything you can hold over her head to make her go...computer, phone, tv, etc. I would try it. Otherwise...as long as she's safe and not doing things to get her in trouble, I'd leave her be. Do to get, you know? I've found that while it's still frustrating and pushes my buttons at times, this reaction on my part has made it easier in some ways to deal with it. With my difficult child, he has the choice to partcipate and behave in an acceptable manner or not. I just don't let it stop me from doing things that I want to do. He thinks the world revolves around him anyway...giving in to his demands just enforces that and does nothing to help him work on it. But...that's just me. If something in what I wrote is helpful, take it. If not...well, I do understand. It hoovers but sometimes you do what you have to do. HUGS [/QUOTE]
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