Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
I honestly do not know what to do with this kid
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 296262" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>difficult child 3 isn't BiPolar (BP) but he does get into the "everybody hates me, everybody is mean to me, nobody ever says/does anything kind to me" moods.</p><p></p><p>So I said to him, "List them."</p><p></p><p>I asked him to give me examples of people being mean. I then went through with my own list of people NOT being mean. IN order for this to work, you do need to keep active lists, but now she is whining, you are on notice that tis must be done. So when you see her happy, see her accept a compliment for someone, or you say somerthing nice to her and mean it, write it down quietly.</p><p></p><p>I told difficult child 3 to keep his own list. And sometimes when he and I were arguing into the night and I was nagging, he would glare at me meaningfully and go off to his computer.</p><p></p><p>But when he calmed down and read his diary later on, he sometimes realsied he had been way out of line. It actually helped him keep himself in better perspective.</p><p></p><p>But it also meant that next time he said, "Dad is always horrible to me" I was able to say, "You give me your examples, and I will give you mine of Dad being good to you."</p><p></p><p>THis has helped him put it in perspective.</p><p></p><p>The absolute worst ting she can do is to cancel out on the therapist simply because she doesn't like hearing the truth. This would set in place a pattern of avoidance for the rest of her life. I already know too many people who are getting through life blindfolded, always running away from their problems and as a reuslt never growing up as people.</p><p></p><p>We need to try to teach our kids to confront teir problems head-on, to actuallyseek out the hardesrt things and to actually deal with them. Instead, too often we allow our kids to tiptoe around the edges, we try to soften life up for thme so they can cope when they really need to occasionally at least, have contact with reality so they know what they have to work towards.</p><p></p><p>She needs to know that if she is unhappy about something, SHE has to deal with it. And she has two choices. Either she can change; or she can wait for the rest of the world to change. Since it's much more difficult to change 5 billion people than to change one person, then she needs to consider working on what she CAN do (ie change herself). she also has much better chance of changing what she can control (ie herself) than everyone else in the world, many of whom (like her aged, infirm and intractable parents) are too old and set in their ways to change.</p><p></p><p>In complaining, she is openly admitting that change is needed. OK, she wants everyone else to change (to being nice to her) but sorry kid, life doesn't work that way.</p><p></p><p>I have a quote for you fomr a friend of mine. Feel free to use it, make it into a poster and stick it up on the wall.</p><p></p><p>"We are all only bit-players in other peoples' lives."</p><p></p><p>This means that for everyone else in the world to have chosen to be mean to her, to seek out opportunities to make her feel bad - kiddo, you're not that important to other people. You are only that important to yourself. So if you want change - look to yourself.</p><p></p><p>If she won't take it form therapist, then stick it up on the wall for her to see it every time she walks into that room.</p><p></p><p>We use the space behind the toilet door for the most important lessons. I'll post up affirming statements, social stories, French irregular verbs and the Periodic Table of the Elements.</p><p></p><p>It's not called "the reading room" for nothing!</p><p></p><p>PS - an adapted joke for you to maybe use (if she has enough of a sense of humour about it).</p><p>Q: How does difficult child go about changing a light bulb?</p><p>A: She just stands there and holds it while she waits for the rest of the world to revolve around her.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 296262, member: 1991"] difficult child 3 isn't BiPolar (BP) but he does get into the "everybody hates me, everybody is mean to me, nobody ever says/does anything kind to me" moods. So I said to him, "List them." I asked him to give me examples of people being mean. I then went through with my own list of people NOT being mean. IN order for this to work, you do need to keep active lists, but now she is whining, you are on notice that tis must be done. So when you see her happy, see her accept a compliment for someone, or you say somerthing nice to her and mean it, write it down quietly. I told difficult child 3 to keep his own list. And sometimes when he and I were arguing into the night and I was nagging, he would glare at me meaningfully and go off to his computer. But when he calmed down and read his diary later on, he sometimes realsied he had been way out of line. It actually helped him keep himself in better perspective. But it also meant that next time he said, "Dad is always horrible to me" I was able to say, "You give me your examples, and I will give you mine of Dad being good to you." THis has helped him put it in perspective. The absolute worst ting she can do is to cancel out on the therapist simply because she doesn't like hearing the truth. This would set in place a pattern of avoidance for the rest of her life. I already know too many people who are getting through life blindfolded, always running away from their problems and as a reuslt never growing up as people. We need to try to teach our kids to confront teir problems head-on, to actuallyseek out the hardesrt things and to actually deal with them. Instead, too often we allow our kids to tiptoe around the edges, we try to soften life up for thme so they can cope when they really need to occasionally at least, have contact with reality so they know what they have to work towards. She needs to know that if she is unhappy about something, SHE has to deal with it. And she has two choices. Either she can change; or she can wait for the rest of the world to change. Since it's much more difficult to change 5 billion people than to change one person, then she needs to consider working on what she CAN do (ie change herself). she also has much better chance of changing what she can control (ie herself) than everyone else in the world, many of whom (like her aged, infirm and intractable parents) are too old and set in their ways to change. In complaining, she is openly admitting that change is needed. OK, she wants everyone else to change (to being nice to her) but sorry kid, life doesn't work that way. I have a quote for you fomr a friend of mine. Feel free to use it, make it into a poster and stick it up on the wall. "We are all only bit-players in other peoples' lives." This means that for everyone else in the world to have chosen to be mean to her, to seek out opportunities to make her feel bad - kiddo, you're not that important to other people. You are only that important to yourself. So if you want change - look to yourself. If she won't take it form therapist, then stick it up on the wall for her to see it every time she walks into that room. We use the space behind the toilet door for the most important lessons. I'll post up affirming statements, social stories, French irregular verbs and the Periodic Table of the Elements. It's not called "the reading room" for nothing! PS - an adapted joke for you to maybe use (if she has enough of a sense of humour about it). Q: How does difficult child go about changing a light bulb? A: She just stands there and holds it while she waits for the rest of the world to revolve around her. Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
I honestly do not know what to do with this kid
Top