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<blockquote data-quote="Kalahou" data-source="post: 677070" data-attributes="member: 19617"><p>Hello Drowninginthis,</p><p>Welcome to this wonderful forum group. You have come to the right place. I am just acknowledging your post to tell you that you are not alone. The folks here understand and have been through similar situations. Copacabana has shared wise guidance from her experience. Read the <u>Article on Detachment </u>at the top of this board. Others will also be along soon to share and respond to you.</p><p></p><p>Your feelings about not wanting to be in proximity with your son are understandable - that you don't want to see him or have him in your house. You do not like the person your son has become. Do not feel guilty about this. I know that feeling. It is not how we raised them to be. It is not how we had our hopes and dreams set for them. All that needs to be released. It is normal for you to have these feelings that you do not want to be in contact with him. This "nonfeeling" for him is a way to protect yourself. I am sorry your husband is not more supportive of your situation. Setting firm boundaries for contact with your son is necessary.</p><p></p><p>This forum is a safe place. Read the other threads and you will see so many people are in just different variations of similar troubles, trying to stay afloat, and we are helping each other here, just by listening and understanding.</p><p></p><p>You are most definitely right, stating the truth that you cannot help him anymore, and that your health must be your priority. Take care and take heart. The fact that you have found this site and have shared your situation is a huge start to getting the clarity and understanding and resolve needed, and that you want, in order to be able to do what you need to do. It doesn't happen all at once, but this beginning will hopefully strengthen you and bring some <em>hope (and certainty) that <u>you can do this,</u> </em>that you can do what you need to do for yourself, because you are the only one that you have any control over helping.</p><p></p><p><em> S</em>ome things I had to learn to do, and am still working on, one day at a time:</p><p>· Stop trying to encourage change or fix someone who doesn’t want to change.</p><p>· Stop giving repeated chances to someone who abuses/takes advantage of forgiveness and support.</p><p>· Stop trusting nice-sounding words (often lies) while ignoring/tolerating destructive actions.</p><p>· Stop giving any of your strength and effort toward a relationship that isn’t reciprocated.</p><p></p><p>Keep posting. It helps. Others will soon come along also. Stay with us. You are going to be alright. Kalahou ~</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kalahou, post: 677070, member: 19617"] Hello Drowninginthis, Welcome to this wonderful forum group. You have come to the right place. I am just acknowledging your post to tell you that you are not alone. The folks here understand and have been through similar situations. Copacabana has shared wise guidance from her experience. Read the [U]Article on Detachment [/U]at the top of this board. Others will also be along soon to share and respond to you. Your feelings about not wanting to be in proximity with your son are understandable - that you don't want to see him or have him in your house. You do not like the person your son has become. Do not feel guilty about this. I know that feeling. It is not how we raised them to be. It is not how we had our hopes and dreams set for them. All that needs to be released. It is normal for you to have these feelings that you do not want to be in contact with him. This "nonfeeling" for him is a way to protect yourself. I am sorry your husband is not more supportive of your situation. Setting firm boundaries for contact with your son is necessary. This forum is a safe place. Read the other threads and you will see so many people are in just different variations of similar troubles, trying to stay afloat, and we are helping each other here, just by listening and understanding. You are most definitely right, stating the truth that you cannot help him anymore, and that your health must be your priority. Take care and take heart. The fact that you have found this site and have shared your situation is a huge start to getting the clarity and understanding and resolve needed, and that you want, in order to be able to do what you need to do. It doesn't happen all at once, but this beginning will hopefully strengthen you and bring some [I]hope (and certainty) that [U]you can do this,[/U] [/I]that you can do what you need to do for yourself, because you are the only one that you have any control over helping. [I] S[/I]ome things I had to learn to do, and am still working on, one day at a time: · Stop trying to encourage change or fix someone who doesn’t want to change. · Stop giving repeated chances to someone who abuses/takes advantage of forgiveness and support. · Stop trusting nice-sounding words (often lies) while ignoring/tolerating destructive actions. · Stop giving any of your strength and effort toward a relationship that isn’t reciprocated. Keep posting. It helps. Others will soon come along also. Stay with us. You are going to be alright. Kalahou ~ [/QUOTE]
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