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i just dont' know
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 405533" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>Jen, I don't thibnk you can fix all of it on your own- I think the entire family is involved in these dynamics. But you can change how you, yourself, are reacting to it. Your easy child is manipulating you by knowing you don't want difficult child upset and you're letting her get by with too much to prevent a blowup, IMHOO- she will continue to raise the stakes as long as this works. Why don't you spend a little time alone and think some more about those convictions you established for yourself in Oregon. You have thought about all you want to get in place for difficult child, now follow thru with some things for yourself- it all can't revolve around difficult child, remember? Then find some way to deal with the marital issues- maybe marriage counseling instead of individual counseling for everyone. Maybe a date night once a week or every two weeks- just the two of you alone. The dynamics for the whole family and each member of it need to change, in my humble opinion, and they won't change until someone starts redefining boundaries.It's not your fault and not all your responsibility to fix it but it sure doesn't sound like anyone else will be the one to take initiative to change it. But it will take effort from everyone to get things turned around. Don't fall back into every waking moment being spent dealing with each person and trying to get them to do what it takes to keep difficult child stable by negotiating things like being treated with respect.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 405533, member: 3699"] Jen, I don't thibnk you can fix all of it on your own- I think the entire family is involved in these dynamics. But you can change how you, yourself, are reacting to it. Your easy child is manipulating you by knowing you don't want difficult child upset and you're letting her get by with too much to prevent a blowup, IMHOO- she will continue to raise the stakes as long as this works. Why don't you spend a little time alone and think some more about those convictions you established for yourself in Oregon. You have thought about all you want to get in place for difficult child, now follow thru with some things for yourself- it all can't revolve around difficult child, remember? Then find some way to deal with the marital issues- maybe marriage counseling instead of individual counseling for everyone. Maybe a date night once a week or every two weeks- just the two of you alone. The dynamics for the whole family and each member of it need to change, in my humble opinion, and they won't change until someone starts redefining boundaries.It's not your fault and not all your responsibility to fix it but it sure doesn't sound like anyone else will be the one to take initiative to change it. But it will take effort from everyone to get things turned around. Don't fall back into every waking moment being spent dealing with each person and trying to get them to do what it takes to keep difficult child stable by negotiating things like being treated with respect. [/QUOTE]
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