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i just dont' know
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<blockquote data-quote="DammitJanet" data-source="post: 405608" data-attributes="member: 1514"><p>I know its very hard to deal with the constant chaos banging on you day in and day out. It just feels like ducks pecking you to death. Or water torture. I remember for so many years, Tony and I felt like we were just ships that crossed paths as we shuttled back and forth trying to take care of the kids and work. There was never any "me" time or "us" time. By the time we fell in bed at night, we were too tired to even look at each other much less do anything else in the bed! Im sure during the worst of times we probably went months on end without any...well...intimacy. We never talked about anything but schools, mental health issues, medications, or kid problems. Not to mention that half the time he was working out of town and I was holding down the fort alone praying he would come home every other weekend and I wouldnt kill one of the kids before he got home. </p><p></p><p>Somehow we got through it. How I dont know. Sometimes I think we were just too darned stupid or stubborn to give up. Or maybe we just didnt know it was an option. I still havent found the return line to exchange malfunctioning kids. "This one is backtalking me, I would like a nicer model please." </p><p></p><p>I think in your situation I would start to back away from being the be all and end all for everyone in the family. Everyone is actually old enough to do many things for themselves. Actually you and your husbands relationship should be the most important thing in your life because eventually the kids will grow up and leave home and all you will have is each other. So you must nurture your relationship if it is to survive. Doing that also teaches your children to build healthy relationships. </p><p></p><p>Dr phil often says one person has to start with being the hero in the family and that can start the ball rolling. Wake up every morning thinking what is one thing I can do to make my husband's day better today? It doesnt have to be anything big. Just a kiss or a small note in his pocket. Maybe a cup of his favorite coffee waiting for him when he walks in the door late at night...or some cookies and milk. I bet he starts to think about doing the same for you. </p><p></p><p>Do little unexpected things for the kids too. Stay out of all fights unless they draw blood. Brothers and sisters fight like...well siblings. That will end when they grow up. Im sure easy child is ticked off because of the attention difficult child gets and she is lashing out but eventually she is just going to have to get over herself because it will not be accepted in the real world. I would not allow constant spewing of garbage and would either fine her or send her to her room to spew to her mirror until she is sick of talking that way. The world doesnt want to hear it. </p><p></p><p>difficult child needs to do her part by trying to start merge into the family by taking on as much as she can as fast as she can. She can certainly do small tasks such as pick up trash or dusting or bringing down her laundry. Even emptying the dishwasher wouldnt be too taxing. Or feeding the dogs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DammitJanet, post: 405608, member: 1514"] I know its very hard to deal with the constant chaos banging on you day in and day out. It just feels like ducks pecking you to death. Or water torture. I remember for so many years, Tony and I felt like we were just ships that crossed paths as we shuttled back and forth trying to take care of the kids and work. There was never any "me" time or "us" time. By the time we fell in bed at night, we were too tired to even look at each other much less do anything else in the bed! Im sure during the worst of times we probably went months on end without any...well...intimacy. We never talked about anything but schools, mental health issues, medications, or kid problems. Not to mention that half the time he was working out of town and I was holding down the fort alone praying he would come home every other weekend and I wouldnt kill one of the kids before he got home. Somehow we got through it. How I dont know. Sometimes I think we were just too darned stupid or stubborn to give up. Or maybe we just didnt know it was an option. I still havent found the return line to exchange malfunctioning kids. "This one is backtalking me, I would like a nicer model please." I think in your situation I would start to back away from being the be all and end all for everyone in the family. Everyone is actually old enough to do many things for themselves. Actually you and your husbands relationship should be the most important thing in your life because eventually the kids will grow up and leave home and all you will have is each other. So you must nurture your relationship if it is to survive. Doing that also teaches your children to build healthy relationships. Dr phil often says one person has to start with being the hero in the family and that can start the ball rolling. Wake up every morning thinking what is one thing I can do to make my husband's day better today? It doesnt have to be anything big. Just a kiss or a small note in his pocket. Maybe a cup of his favorite coffee waiting for him when he walks in the door late at night...or some cookies and milk. I bet he starts to think about doing the same for you. Do little unexpected things for the kids too. Stay out of all fights unless they draw blood. Brothers and sisters fight like...well siblings. That will end when they grow up. Im sure easy child is ticked off because of the attention difficult child gets and she is lashing out but eventually she is just going to have to get over herself because it will not be accepted in the real world. I would not allow constant spewing of garbage and would either fine her or send her to her room to spew to her mirror until she is sick of talking that way. The world doesnt want to hear it. difficult child needs to do her part by trying to start merge into the family by taking on as much as she can as fast as she can. She can certainly do small tasks such as pick up trash or dusting or bringing down her laundry. Even emptying the dishwasher wouldnt be too taxing. Or feeding the dogs. [/QUOTE]
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