Hi Grace,
Alex was never kicked out of the house because of his age. He was only 17 for one month. At the time of his death, my husband and I were coming up with a plan to get him out on his 18th birthday because of all the turmoil in our house. Although Alex was never an easy kid to raise, once the drugs entered the picture, he became unbearable. I didn't know at the time why there was turmoil. I now know the drugs were making him unbearable to live with.
That said, eventhough we housed him, fed him, drove him to work and school he still died due to his drug use. He did die at home and that was one of the weird comforts,that he died at home where he was loved. I am relieved that he wasn't missing for days, that he didn't die in some awful place and that his so called friends didn't dump him in a ditch some place.
Grace, I know the fear you live with. I lived with it for months as I tried to figure out what was going on. I knew heroin was in the area, I knew kids Alex knew had died. Alex kept denying, denying. I saw the weight loss, we noticed the missing items in our home. Even after I overheard a phone call that Alex talked about doing heroin, he still denied it. I made an appointment at rehab for an intake, he took off that day.
After I heard that phone call, I prayed so hard that Alex would stay alive long enough to wise up and get off the heroin. I guess we were given one more month with him, because he did come to me for help and with the help of suboxone got off of it for one month.
He was just starting to get nice, and I was just starting to let my guard down a bit when he died.
Now we live with the awful reality of losing a son.
I still remember those angst filled days of not knowing how my son was going to end up. Losing him was the sum of all my fears. It is what I feared the most.
It doesn't sound like your son is anywhere near wanting to get help. He doesn't think any type of programs will work and he doesn't want to go to any meetings of any type. Not everybody dies due to their addiction, how long can you stand him living with you while he indulges? Living with you gives him an opportunity to steal if he needs money for drugs, also your daughter will get to live with this also.
I guess your choices are to have him stay with you, or kick him out. Under the circumstances, both choices are awful choices.
We all know that nobody will get help if they don't want it. Your son could be homeless and hungry and if he doesn't want help, he will choose the homeless lifestyle.
I have no idea how to handle it.
I know that it has been suggested to you before on cd.com that you attend NA meetings or FA meetings. Grace this may be what will help you get through this. Have you tried any of these meetings?
I remember living with the constant fear and it is just terrible. Now we are trying to figure out how to live without our son.
We now live with a constant broken heart. But the fear of the unknown is no longer an issue. I know that may sound weird I hope you can understand it.
If I can help you in any way please let me know. If you think your son will talk to me on the phone, I would be glad to talk to him. If you want to call me, that would be no problem, maybe I can help you some how.
I may get Carrol O'connors book. Thanks to katskeeper for bringing it up.
(((((((HUGS))))))
PS: Don't forget your beautiful baby girl in all this, she needs you desperately.
