I have read "Codependent No More" a few times. I recognize my actions. The reason why I told the story of my sister and brother in law first is because I think I am done doing what people tell me I "should" do. I have realized that it all hasnt worked and that now I am looking out for myself. Like Gotta said she has a "weird" comfort in knowing her boy died at home. Thats what I am looking for. I am creating the environment where he will be loved and warm and fed if the drugs take his life. I just couldnt bear the nightmares of wondering for the rest of my life what the rest of his was like.
I agree with you all about going to meetings. I agree.
Gotta... I think you may be the closest person who can relate to what I am feeling and I apologize for this post. I can imagine how hard this must be for you. I will PM you shortly.
Thanks guys, like I said I just needed to get it out of my head and say it outloud to see if what I was doing was ACTUALLY what I was doing.
Grace
