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Grace, I understand.  Last Christmas watching my son walk down the street after getting some clothes and knowing that I had put him out at Christmas time was the saddest time of my life.  Yes, he had hurt me but I loved him.  It was cold outside and it was bleak.  I sent him to the church shelter but he opted to go to his evil friends. husband and I revoked his bail to get him off the streets and he was in jail for the holiday on sucide watch.  It was A nightmare for my family a real wide awake nightmare.  It was drugs that put my family in that spot not the boy I had raised. The drugs that had taken him away.  I look back and I know there was nothing I could have done differently.  NOTHING.  But it doesn't help the pain all that much.  Now for the second Christmas in a row my son will be in jail.  His actions put him there but how I wish he was free.  Free to have dinner with his family.  Free to hug and play with his neice and nephew.  I do not want him under my roof but I want him in a happy place and to know he is loved.  It is so hard on me.   I will help him when he gets out in a few months.  I pray everyday that he stays clean when he does.  I want to take him home but I won't because I remember the chaos and I do not ever want to go there again.  But I will help him because he will need it.  I send you Hugs also.  Our lives are different yet so much the same. -RM


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