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I just want to tell you what a terrible mother i am - long
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 292830" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Keep a diary of it all, Trish, but honestly - next time, I would insist he stays at home. If he's going to head into town just in case someone he wants to visit might be home - forget it. Not if that is the result. It's called "planning ahead" and he should have set it up the day before. I'm with you - you don't drop in 'on spec' especially if you're a difficult child.</p><p></p><p>And going to the pub to get plastered, from 10.30 am? Only on Cup day, if then! And it's not November yet...</p><p></p><p>What you describe does sound consistent with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), especially the difficulty planning and getting all the tasks done. Would he follow a written list? That is what we had to do for difficult child 1, especially when he had the voluteer job at the zoo. He nearly lost that job first day (even though they didn't have to pay him) because he failed to listen to instructions about keeping th hose safe from the Major Mitchell cockatoo, which followed behind him as he hosed out te walk-through aviary. difficult child 1 hosed the place out - with a new hose - while the cockatoo neatly punched holes in the hose. The head keeper was NOT impressed! However, once I explained about the Asperger's, the Head Keeper said, "Send him along with a notebook and pencil, I'll make sure he writes down the list of instructions."</p><p>After that it went so well that after 2 years when difficult child 1 himself decided to leave, they said, "Please come back and work for us any time."</p><p>The key was - supervision plus writing down the things to be done.</p><p></p><p>I know he's allegedly an adult, but I strongly suggest you treat him like a six year old needing incentives and support. And it needs to be immediate as far as possible. Even if you have to do a sticker chart of sorts - for every day he does the chores exactly right, he gets something he wants from you (either being driven somewhere, or a full belly form a delicious home-cooked casserole - his favourite). Praise works well too.</p><p></p><p>You're on the right track - if there's not enough wood for the cooking fire, then of course there's not enough cooked food for him.</p><p></p><p>Maybe a starting point for him is to break up the chores into a daily one he HAS to do (such as keep the wood box full). Don't add more chores until he gets that one right.</p><p></p><p>Or as I said before, write up a large list and tick things off as they're done properly. Laminate it and tick it off with a white board pen. Be specific - "Give cows their water. 8 x 20L for the bath, 4 x 20L for the trough. Fresh, every day. Or they will give no milk."</p><p></p><p>A tip from difficult child 1 - he actually mentioned this at his wedding (he met his wife working at the zoo) - you change the animals' water when you wouldn't drink it yourself. daughter in law one day didn't want to change the water in the camels' pen, said it looked clean enough and actually drank some to prove her point!</p><p>So if he says, "the cows have enough water, it looks clean enough," then at the end of the day get a jug full and put it at his place at the dinner table. Or make his coffee with it. If/when he objects, tell him that you're only asking him to do what he asks the cows to do. If the cow can do it, so can he, surely?</p><p></p><p>Sometimes, especially with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), you really need to make a point very obvious. And although he sounds like he has a wide range of possible labels, chances are it's only one (or maybe two) things and not every specialist got it right. That's how you can have a kid end up with multiple labels and not all of them fit. Ockams Razor - the simplest explanation is most often the right one.</p><p></p><p>You're not a bad mother. You just have a lot to deal with.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 292830, member: 1991"] Keep a diary of it all, Trish, but honestly - next time, I would insist he stays at home. If he's going to head into town just in case someone he wants to visit might be home - forget it. Not if that is the result. It's called "planning ahead" and he should have set it up the day before. I'm with you - you don't drop in 'on spec' especially if you're a difficult child. And going to the pub to get plastered, from 10.30 am? Only on Cup day, if then! And it's not November yet... What you describe does sound consistent with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), especially the difficulty planning and getting all the tasks done. Would he follow a written list? That is what we had to do for difficult child 1, especially when he had the voluteer job at the zoo. He nearly lost that job first day (even though they didn't have to pay him) because he failed to listen to instructions about keeping th hose safe from the Major Mitchell cockatoo, which followed behind him as he hosed out te walk-through aviary. difficult child 1 hosed the place out - with a new hose - while the cockatoo neatly punched holes in the hose. The head keeper was NOT impressed! However, once I explained about the Asperger's, the Head Keeper said, "Send him along with a notebook and pencil, I'll make sure he writes down the list of instructions." After that it went so well that after 2 years when difficult child 1 himself decided to leave, they said, "Please come back and work for us any time." The key was - supervision plus writing down the things to be done. I know he's allegedly an adult, but I strongly suggest you treat him like a six year old needing incentives and support. And it needs to be immediate as far as possible. Even if you have to do a sticker chart of sorts - for every day he does the chores exactly right, he gets something he wants from you (either being driven somewhere, or a full belly form a delicious home-cooked casserole - his favourite). Praise works well too. You're on the right track - if there's not enough wood for the cooking fire, then of course there's not enough cooked food for him. Maybe a starting point for him is to break up the chores into a daily one he HAS to do (such as keep the wood box full). Don't add more chores until he gets that one right. Or as I said before, write up a large list and tick things off as they're done properly. Laminate it and tick it off with a white board pen. Be specific - "Give cows their water. 8 x 20L for the bath, 4 x 20L for the trough. Fresh, every day. Or they will give no milk." A tip from difficult child 1 - he actually mentioned this at his wedding (he met his wife working at the zoo) - you change the animals' water when you wouldn't drink it yourself. daughter in law one day didn't want to change the water in the camels' pen, said it looked clean enough and actually drank some to prove her point! So if he says, "the cows have enough water, it looks clean enough," then at the end of the day get a jug full and put it at his place at the dinner table. Or make his coffee with it. If/when he objects, tell him that you're only asking him to do what he asks the cows to do. If the cow can do it, so can he, surely? Sometimes, especially with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), you really need to make a point very obvious. And although he sounds like he has a wide range of possible labels, chances are it's only one (or maybe two) things and not every specialist got it right. That's how you can have a kid end up with multiple labels and not all of them fit. Ockams Razor - the simplest explanation is most often the right one. You're not a bad mother. You just have a lot to deal with. Marg [/QUOTE]
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