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<blockquote data-quote="Lil" data-source="post: 669198" data-attributes="member: 17309"><p>This is so hard.</p><p> </p><p>I told my son when he asked if his daddy left because he was bad (he was about six and yes, it made me want to kill my ex) that when you are a grownup, and you get married and have babies, you have to act like a grownup. You have to take care of the babies and work and earn money to buy food and pay bills and that his daddy never really wanted to help me do that. He thought he did, but in the end he never really wanted to grow up and he wasn't any good at doing the grown-up things. So, even though he loved him very much, he went to find someplace where he wouldn't have to work and be a grownup.</p><p> </p><p>When he was a bit older - 8 or so (biodad died when he was 7 and Jabber adopted him just prior to that) - he asked if I missed his dad. I told him no, in order to miss someone, you have to be used to them being around, and his dad had never been around. I also told him that, if he wanted to know about his dad, we could talk any time...and I would always tell the truth, although I might decide he wasn't old enough to know something and I would tell him that too. But, he had to understand that the truth isn't always nice, and he might not like what he found out.</p><p> </p><p>He didn't ask until he was 17, when he asked how he died. I wish he'd have never asked.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lil, post: 669198, member: 17309"] This is so hard. I told my son when he asked if his daddy left because he was bad (he was about six and yes, it made me want to kill my ex) that when you are a grownup, and you get married and have babies, you have to act like a grownup. You have to take care of the babies and work and earn money to buy food and pay bills and that his daddy never really wanted to help me do that. He thought he did, but in the end he never really wanted to grow up and he wasn't any good at doing the grown-up things. So, even though he loved him very much, he went to find someplace where he wouldn't have to work and be a grownup. When he was a bit older - 8 or so (biodad died when he was 7 and Jabber adopted him just prior to that) - he asked if I missed his dad. I told him no, in order to miss someone, you have to be used to them being around, and his dad had never been around. I also told him that, if he wanted to know about his dad, we could talk any time...and I would always tell the truth, although I might decide he wasn't old enough to know something and I would tell him that too. But, he had to understand that the truth isn't always nice, and he might not like what he found out. He didn't ask until he was 17, when he asked how he died. I wish he'd have never asked. [/QUOTE]
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