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Parent Emeritus
I know I need to let go, but how?
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 629738" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Esri, your child knows you are in her corner, she knows you love her and are there for her. She is a young adult. This is the time in her life when she needs to try her wings. Maybe, that is the underlying reason for the conflict at home. It helps me to remember that, whatever it looks like at this point, my children were raised well. They know right from wrong. I have had to learn the hard way that helping our kids avoid the consequences of a poor choice does not help them in the long run. I am trying to learn now to believe that my kids are bright and strong enough to handle whatever life throws at them.</p><p></p><p>That means there are going to be times when I wonder what my role is, at all.</p><p></p><p>What I am learning, I think, is that my role is to create my own life, separate from my role as a mother. </p><p></p><p>Loving adult children should not be about encouraging them to believe we can fix things for them. If we want our children to be strong, independent adults, we have to figure out how to change our minds about what it is they need from us. What they really need is for us to believe they are bright and strong enough to figure it out for themselves.</p><p></p><p>And maybe part of what they need is to see us being bright and strong enough to believe in ourselves, too.</p><p></p><p>Unless I look at it that way, I have such a hard time not helping. </p><p></p><p>My kids are almost 40 years old. I think our leaping in to smooth things over for them was actually harmful to them. I am having trouble coming into a place of balance with all of this Esri, but I do know that I want my kids to believe they are bright and strong enough that they don't need their parents to put things right for them again and again.</p><p></p><p>Is there a way for you to know whether your daughter is alright? Would it feel inappropriate for you to just call her and see how she is?</p><p></p><p>Maybe she is ready to come back now, and abide by the rules of the house?</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 629738, member: 17461"] Esri, your child knows you are in her corner, she knows you love her and are there for her. She is a young adult. This is the time in her life when she needs to try her wings. Maybe, that is the underlying reason for the conflict at home. It helps me to remember that, whatever it looks like at this point, my children were raised well. They know right from wrong. I have had to learn the hard way that helping our kids avoid the consequences of a poor choice does not help them in the long run. I am trying to learn now to believe that my kids are bright and strong enough to handle whatever life throws at them. That means there are going to be times when I wonder what my role is, at all. What I am learning, I think, is that my role is to create my own life, separate from my role as a mother. Loving adult children should not be about encouraging them to believe we can fix things for them. If we want our children to be strong, independent adults, we have to figure out how to change our minds about what it is they need from us. What they really need is for us to believe they are bright and strong enough to figure it out for themselves. And maybe part of what they need is to see us being bright and strong enough to believe in ourselves, too. Unless I look at it that way, I have such a hard time not helping. My kids are almost 40 years old. I think our leaping in to smooth things over for them was actually harmful to them. I am having trouble coming into a place of balance with all of this Esri, but I do know that I want my kids to believe they are bright and strong enough that they don't need their parents to put things right for them again and again. Is there a way for you to know whether your daughter is alright? Would it feel inappropriate for you to just call her and see how she is? Maybe she is ready to come back now, and abide by the rules of the house? Cedar [/QUOTE]
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I know I need to let go, but how?
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