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Parent Emeritus
I know I've done the right thing but it hurts so much!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 411754" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>I'm glad you found us too. I am going through exactly the same thingyou are. We kicked our difficult child out several times and she always begged to come back, promising to stop the drugging and drinking and get back on the program of recovery. It never lasted long. Two and a half weeks ago we kicked her out for the last time, as she was leaving she called me the "c" word and said soemthing equally vile to her dad. I was in agony the first ten days or so, hoping that she would ask to come back and yet terrified that she would. It hurts like nothing I have ever felt before. She is still my child and I am so worried about her but I think I am finally realizing that my worry and love is not going to change her. She has fallen deep into the drug, alcohol and sex culture and there is no way she can come back at this point.</p><p></p><p>I've asked myself many times why it hurts so much, gosh knows she has treated us so horribly for so many years and we wouldn't accept that from any other human being so why do we accept it from our kids? For me, I put myself in her position and it would terrify me to live the way she is. I would have done anything to change my life so that I didn't lose my family. I'm sure you were a great family, gave your son every opportunity and had so many dreams for him growing up. That is hard to give up. It is hard to think of them on the street being involved in dangerous and even criminal activity. We want to protect them and keep them safe and yet we can't.</p><p></p><p>Today I have finally realized that I am much happier than when she was living here. I can go to sleep at night without keeping one eye open, I don't have to hide my purse or lock up valuables, I don't have to wonder if she is coming home tonight, I don't have to clean her pig sty of a room or bathroom and I am saving a ton of money on food and gas. I am finally enjoying peaceful time with husband and easy child, both whom have been neglected for years. easy child told me if I ever let difficult child back in she would move out for good. difficult child has ripped this family apart and for 19 years we have been consumed with her problems. I still worry a lot and if I allow myself I will have a panic attack wondering what she is doing so I close that door in my head and try to keep busy. She is telling everyone that asks why she isn;t living at home that she couldn't take it anymore. I have finally decided that I couldn't take it anymore either.</p><p></p><p>You will have good days and bad days. This board has been my saving grace. The understanding and support you will receive here will keep you going.</p><p></p><p>Nancy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 411754, member: 59"] I'm glad you found us too. I am going through exactly the same thingyou are. We kicked our difficult child out several times and she always begged to come back, promising to stop the drugging and drinking and get back on the program of recovery. It never lasted long. Two and a half weeks ago we kicked her out for the last time, as she was leaving she called me the "c" word and said soemthing equally vile to her dad. I was in agony the first ten days or so, hoping that she would ask to come back and yet terrified that she would. It hurts like nothing I have ever felt before. She is still my child and I am so worried about her but I think I am finally realizing that my worry and love is not going to change her. She has fallen deep into the drug, alcohol and sex culture and there is no way she can come back at this point. I've asked myself many times why it hurts so much, gosh knows she has treated us so horribly for so many years and we wouldn't accept that from any other human being so why do we accept it from our kids? For me, I put myself in her position and it would terrify me to live the way she is. I would have done anything to change my life so that I didn't lose my family. I'm sure you were a great family, gave your son every opportunity and had so many dreams for him growing up. That is hard to give up. It is hard to think of them on the street being involved in dangerous and even criminal activity. We want to protect them and keep them safe and yet we can't. Today I have finally realized that I am much happier than when she was living here. I can go to sleep at night without keeping one eye open, I don't have to hide my purse or lock up valuables, I don't have to wonder if she is coming home tonight, I don't have to clean her pig sty of a room or bathroom and I am saving a ton of money on food and gas. I am finally enjoying peaceful time with husband and easy child, both whom have been neglected for years. easy child told me if I ever let difficult child back in she would move out for good. difficult child has ripped this family apart and for 19 years we have been consumed with her problems. I still worry a lot and if I allow myself I will have a panic attack wondering what she is doing so I close that door in my head and try to keep busy. She is telling everyone that asks why she isn;t living at home that she couldn't take it anymore. I have finally decided that I couldn't take it anymore either. You will have good days and bad days. This board has been my saving grace. The understanding and support you will receive here will keep you going. Nancy [/QUOTE]
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I know I've done the right thing but it hurts so much!!
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