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I know I've done the right thing but it hurts so much!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 411760" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>nvr2l8 - </p><p> </p><p>Hi and welcome, </p><p> </p><p>You know - after we told our son to get out I sat and cried so hard into his pillow, in his room I nearly threw up. I think I sobbed for hours until it got dark, and I fell asleep on his bed with the smell of his comforter I just sorta drifted off thinking how awful it was that we had 'thrown' him out, and how awful he must have thought of us, how hurt he must be - my baby, our son, how could I? The pain.! I was laying there staring up at a box of baby stuff on the top shelf of his closet - which in itself was a miracle because I'd managed to save that through two fires, a hurricane, a 100 year flood - an abusive x, moving 20 times after he was born, and all the difficult child-ness. So when the state car came to get him and take him to what we thought was going to be a good Residential Treatment Center (RTC)/group home? I figured he'd be crying on the way there too. Nope, not my kid - Know what he said to his caseworker? "I can't wait to get outta here, and away from her." Caseworker felt the need to call and tell me that, that evening. At first? Those words just stuck me like a sword - later I would come to realize I needed to hear them, they helped me grow up. </p><p> </p><p>See there I was trying to do everything right - all the time. Helping, caring, handing, feeling, feeding, clothing. This is what a Mom does right? Nope. What a Mom does is - throws that bird right out of that nest and says "Fly or flop - either you fly or a cat is going to gobble you up." and you know what? When I figured out a robin is smarter than I was? Fly or flop wasn't that hard. Of course I didn't want the world to hurt him - but the more I tried to fix things for him? The less he learned about how many 'cats' there really were out there that could gobble him up. I could make all the excuses in the world and justify it any way I wanted to - still excuses. </p><p> </p><p>The above happened when he was 16. He went on to make a lot more mistakes, actually got himself a felony record, dropped out of school, never got an education, thumbed his nose at probation after 2.9 months on a three year stint of probation - got arrested again, two more times, and finally did get a job - and is a hard worker - but without an education, or a drivers license? Makes it hard to get to work on a bike. All things we told him. No job? Makes it hard to keep a home - no home, makes it hard to have a place to cook - and that makes it hard to eat - and keep food - and dumping in and out of dumpsters? Not his idea of fine dining. Lifes tough. BUT - when life kicks you, and your friends get really really REALLY tired of supporting you? Guess what? You have to grow up. Even if it's (__) much - and (__) much after a while gets to be (___) much because you're too tired to do stupid stuff - because you have to work - and even then you get tired of yourself and being dumb. So there is hope.</p><p> </p><p>Somedays? Less than others.....but hopefully? On every other day beginning with T...and S...lol.....sigh.....</p><p> </p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p><p> </p><p>ps. I just wanetd to add - when we said "get out" the last time? It sounded like the EXORCIST...I lost almost every bird feeder in my yard - and had any neighbors been watching? It's surely the reason NONE of them have bothered us for the last year or so for any SINGLE donation of ANY kind.....they probably think we are crazy. Poor DF - it was like trying to calm 2 buffalo in the front yard with a feather duster.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 411760, member: 4964"] nvr2l8 - Hi and welcome, You know - after we told our son to get out I sat and cried so hard into his pillow, in his room I nearly threw up. I think I sobbed for hours until it got dark, and I fell asleep on his bed with the smell of his comforter I just sorta drifted off thinking how awful it was that we had 'thrown' him out, and how awful he must have thought of us, how hurt he must be - my baby, our son, how could I? The pain.! I was laying there staring up at a box of baby stuff on the top shelf of his closet - which in itself was a miracle because I'd managed to save that through two fires, a hurricane, a 100 year flood - an abusive x, moving 20 times after he was born, and all the difficult child-ness. So when the state car came to get him and take him to what we thought was going to be a good Residential Treatment Center (RTC)/group home? I figured he'd be crying on the way there too. Nope, not my kid - Know what he said to his caseworker? "I can't wait to get outta here, and away from her." Caseworker felt the need to call and tell me that, that evening. At first? Those words just stuck me like a sword - later I would come to realize I needed to hear them, they helped me grow up. See there I was trying to do everything right - all the time. Helping, caring, handing, feeling, feeding, clothing. This is what a Mom does right? Nope. What a Mom does is - throws that bird right out of that nest and says "Fly or flop - either you fly or a cat is going to gobble you up." and you know what? When I figured out a robin is smarter than I was? Fly or flop wasn't that hard. Of course I didn't want the world to hurt him - but the more I tried to fix things for him? The less he learned about how many 'cats' there really were out there that could gobble him up. I could make all the excuses in the world and justify it any way I wanted to - still excuses. The above happened when he was 16. He went on to make a lot more mistakes, actually got himself a felony record, dropped out of school, never got an education, thumbed his nose at probation after 2.9 months on a three year stint of probation - got arrested again, two more times, and finally did get a job - and is a hard worker - but without an education, or a drivers license? Makes it hard to get to work on a bike. All things we told him. No job? Makes it hard to keep a home - no home, makes it hard to have a place to cook - and that makes it hard to eat - and keep food - and dumping in and out of dumpsters? Not his idea of fine dining. Lifes tough. BUT - when life kicks you, and your friends get really really REALLY tired of supporting you? Guess what? You have to grow up. Even if it's (__) much - and (__) much after a while gets to be (___) much because you're too tired to do stupid stuff - because you have to work - and even then you get tired of yourself and being dumb. So there is hope. Somedays? Less than others.....but hopefully? On every other day beginning with T...and S...lol.....sigh..... Hugs Star ps. I just wanetd to add - when we said "get out" the last time? It sounded like the EXORCIST...I lost almost every bird feeder in my yard - and had any neighbors been watching? It's surely the reason NONE of them have bothered us for the last year or so for any SINGLE donation of ANY kind.....they probably think we are crazy. Poor DF - it was like trying to calm 2 buffalo in the front yard with a feather duster. [/QUOTE]
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I know I've done the right thing but it hurts so much!!
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