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Parent Emeritus
I know I've done the right thing but it hurts so much!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 413131"><p>I am deeply touched by the posts by these women here.</p><p>I've had two different experiences with my children. They are VERY different kids.</p><p>My easy child had a very difficult child year in high school. We practiced tough love all the way. One thing we did was stop giving him ANY money. He had no cell phone, no NOTHING. Fairly soon he "got it." He got a job, did well on the job and the rest his history. He is super duper easy child now. Did very well in college...the whole nine yards.</p><p> </p><p>I have another child. A long term difficult child. We do practice tough love with her, but it is harder. What I mean by that is she has little to no cause and effect reasoning. This doesn't change things much. However, it does make it harder on me. </p><p>It takes her MUCH MUCH MUCH longer to figure things out and things get MUCH MUCH MUCH scarier. We offer her medical care and very little else. She is usually respectful to us (this is a MUST!) and I have detached. </p><p> </p><p>Years ago, I asked my son about that year from HEXX. He said simply, "I wanted to do certain things and you got in the way. This is why I hated you." I appreciate his honesty! It is kinda funny hearing this now, since he is so non difficult child today.</p><p> </p><p>My daughter...well...we got the respect thing under raps. If she is rude to us...we pull back any and all help at 100 mph. Believe me, things are still strange since she makes so many poor decisions. She doesn't live with us, is much more independent than in the past and tends to follow our rules.</p><p> </p><p>by the way...I agree...that Boundaries book by Townsend is WONDERFUL!!!!! I highly recommend it as well!</p><p> </p><p>Not too long ago, I figured out for my own sanity, peace of mine and progress...I had to detach. Since then, so many wonderful doors have opened up to me. It is unbelievable. Sure, I have moments that I feel a twinge of sadness. But, making that hard decision was worth a zillion dollars. Life moves on and it is good. </p><p> </p><p>Sending you good thoughts. You can do this.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 413131"] I am deeply touched by the posts by these women here. I've had two different experiences with my children. They are VERY different kids. My easy child had a very difficult child year in high school. We practiced tough love all the way. One thing we did was stop giving him ANY money. He had no cell phone, no NOTHING. Fairly soon he "got it." He got a job, did well on the job and the rest his history. He is super duper easy child now. Did very well in college...the whole nine yards. I have another child. A long term difficult child. We do practice tough love with her, but it is harder. What I mean by that is she has little to no cause and effect reasoning. This doesn't change things much. However, it does make it harder on me. It takes her MUCH MUCH MUCH longer to figure things out and things get MUCH MUCH MUCH scarier. We offer her medical care and very little else. She is usually respectful to us (this is a MUST!) and I have detached. Years ago, I asked my son about that year from HEXX. He said simply, "I wanted to do certain things and you got in the way. This is why I hated you." I appreciate his honesty! It is kinda funny hearing this now, since he is so non difficult child today. My daughter...well...we got the respect thing under raps. If she is rude to us...we pull back any and all help at 100 mph. Believe me, things are still strange since she makes so many poor decisions. She doesn't live with us, is much more independent than in the past and tends to follow our rules. by the way...I agree...that Boundaries book by Townsend is WONDERFUL!!!!! I highly recommend it as well! Not too long ago, I figured out for my own sanity, peace of mine and progress...I had to detach. Since then, so many wonderful doors have opened up to me. It is unbelievable. Sure, I have moments that I feel a twinge of sadness. But, making that hard decision was worth a zillion dollars. Life moves on and it is good. Sending you good thoughts. You can do this. [/QUOTE]
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I know I've done the right thing but it hurts so much!!
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