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General Parenting
I let him push my buttons, then I paint him in a corner.
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<blockquote data-quote="Farmwife" data-source="post: 348707" data-attributes="member: 8617"><p>I went through this exact same thing with my difficult child and football at the beginning of the year. </p><p> </p><p>He just couldn't keep his school work done and his attitude good while doing sports. Sports were also like a miracle semi-cure for his depression and social anxiety. It was scary and broke my heart but he HAD to be accountable for his actions. Bad grades meant no sports, end of story. His academics fell apart, it was a disaster.</p><p> </p><p>The guilt was horrible. I knew I took away the one thing he loved because he let me and himself down.</p><p> </p><p>It's now 6 months later. He has made huge improvements. He was angry for a time but in the end he did finally make the connection. He understands personal accountability. I don't have to fight him over homework anymore. He understands that when he fails it isn't anyones fault but his own.</p><p> </p><p>Making that painful choice was the best thing I ever did for him. Do bear in mind we got his medications stable and I work much harder on how I interact with him. He has made actual behavior changes that are positive and lasted long enough to almost be habit.</p><p> </p><p>Next year he will be ready to try sports again. He knows he has to earn it and that it requires real effort. He matured from the experience. I thought it would be torture but it paid off in the end. </p><p> </p><p>Don't be afraid to do the right thing. Sometimes the right thing isn't the easy thing. If you compromise in a way that isn't appropriate it will undermine you. These difficult child's are good at using maternal guilt as a weapon. Don't fall for it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Farmwife, post: 348707, member: 8617"] I went through this exact same thing with my difficult child and football at the beginning of the year. He just couldn't keep his school work done and his attitude good while doing sports. Sports were also like a miracle semi-cure for his depression and social anxiety. It was scary and broke my heart but he HAD to be accountable for his actions. Bad grades meant no sports, end of story. His academics fell apart, it was a disaster. The guilt was horrible. I knew I took away the one thing he loved because he let me and himself down. It's now 6 months later. He has made huge improvements. He was angry for a time but in the end he did finally make the connection. He understands personal accountability. I don't have to fight him over homework anymore. He understands that when he fails it isn't anyones fault but his own. Making that painful choice was the best thing I ever did for him. Do bear in mind we got his medications stable and I work much harder on how I interact with him. He has made actual behavior changes that are positive and lasted long enough to almost be habit. Next year he will be ready to try sports again. He knows he has to earn it and that it requires real effort. He matured from the experience. I thought it would be torture but it paid off in the end. Don't be afraid to do the right thing. Sometimes the right thing isn't the easy thing. If you compromise in a way that isn't appropriate it will undermine you. These difficult child's are good at using maternal guilt as a weapon. Don't fall for it. [/QUOTE]
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I let him push my buttons, then I paint him in a corner.
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