difficult child 1 went off to school today without putting his patch on (took his Focalin, but that only lasts 4 hours) or taking any of his other morning medications. We realized this half way to school, and if I'd turned around, both he AND easy child would have been late. So I told him that I'd bring the medications at the morning break and he could meet me out front of the school. I show up, he's not there. I text him. Nothing. I wait. I text him again. Nothing. Bell rings. I call him. He texts me back and is says he's in class (then calls me an idiot for calling him) and that break is over. Fine, I said, no medications for you -- buh-bye! I pick him up at 1:45 and of course he's a little bit edgy because his Focalin is loooong gone out of his system. We get home, he gets something to drink and plops down on the couch to watch some TV. I give him his medications and tell him that in 30 min. he's to start homework, thinking the Focalin will be working by then and he shouldn't have any trouble doing that. He says fine. I go out to the back hillside where I start to pull weeds. Not TEN minutes go by and easy child is up at the top of the hill shouting down to me that difficult child 1 has done a number of really mean things to her (hair pulling, stapling the papers in her backpack, throwing stuff, pushing, yada, yada, yada) and essentially, they're fighting. I trudge back up the hill and into the house where I lay into difficult child 1. He's standing there with an ice pack on his hand telling me easy child broke it. (Hardly). I send him to his room but he's continuing to argue and escalate. And I'm hot because of the work I was doing just prior to this, and I'm ticked that I can't leave them alone for ten minutes without all hell breaking loose, and I'm angry that he's nearly 5 years older than her and is always provoking her when he's off his medications, and I'm feeling stupid for not realizing that I cannot trust him even partially medicated around her (I should have waited like an hour before I went outside). So difficult child 1's in his room and I can hear him scraping the door (it's already got nail gouges in it) and making some other noises. I was tempted to get up and take the door away, but I resisted that urge (I'm taking it away later). He's mouthing off to me and I react (instead of thinking first) and tell him he's not going to his lacrosse game tonight (because I know that will hurt him -- and I instantly wish I hadn't said that, because I want him to go and I know he'll settle down later...) Within about 10 minutes, he was calmed down and fine and acting like it never happened and apologizing to easy child and asking her if they could "start over". And I am still quietly seething. And now mad at myself for making the statement about the game. So how do I NOT follow through on this without completely undermining myself?