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General Parenting
I love my Life - I am the boyfiend
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<blockquote data-quote="trinityroyal" data-source="post: 122460" data-attributes="member: 3907"><p>Welcome Dara's boyfriend.</p><p></p><p> It's wonderful that you're taking this step, to support Dara and to figure out how best to get along with and help difficult child.You have already received excellent advice from others. I just want to add my perspective as a Step-mom. </p><p></p><p>My husband's daughter was already an adult when I came into their lives. And to complicate matters, she's closer to me in age than husband is. So...right off the bat, I realized that she didn't need any parenting from me. I decided to start out by offering friendship, and see where that led. Our relationship is much more like that of sisters, rather than mother-daughter. I know that if I had tried to be "mom" it would have alienated her.</p><p></p><p>I took the same approach with my difficult child. I let husband call the shots with regard to discipline. He and I had long talks behind closed doors, and I gave lots of input, but when it was time to lay down the law, husband was the one to do it. Over time, difficult child--who desperately craved a Mommy--decided to accept me. One day he sat next to me and asked if he could call me Mom. My heart just melted and he's been MY boy ever since. However, I think that if I had pushed myself into the mom role, he would have backed away too.</p><p></p><p>It's a delicate line to walk, but unless or until Dara's difficult child accepts you, the discipline should come from Dara, with support coming from you.</p><p></p><p>All the best,</p><p>Trinity</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="trinityroyal, post: 122460, member: 3907"] Welcome Dara's boyfriend. It's wonderful that you're taking this step, to support Dara and to figure out how best to get along with and help difficult child.You have already received excellent advice from others. I just want to add my perspective as a Step-mom. My husband's daughter was already an adult when I came into their lives. And to complicate matters, she's closer to me in age than husband is. So...right off the bat, I realized that she didn't need any parenting from me. I decided to start out by offering friendship, and see where that led. Our relationship is much more like that of sisters, rather than mother-daughter. I know that if I had tried to be "mom" it would have alienated her. I took the same approach with my difficult child. I let husband call the shots with regard to discipline. He and I had long talks behind closed doors, and I gave lots of input, but when it was time to lay down the law, husband was the one to do it. Over time, difficult child--who desperately craved a Mommy--decided to accept me. One day he sat next to me and asked if he could call me Mom. My heart just melted and he's been MY boy ever since. However, I think that if I had pushed myself into the mom role, he would have backed away too. It's a delicate line to walk, but unless or until Dara's difficult child accepts you, the discipline should come from Dara, with support coming from you. All the best, Trinity [/QUOTE]
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