Bless you for the effort you are putting into staying mentally and emotionally well. Its hard, and you are doing a lot to try to maintain or achieve that.
MWM and RE having given you so really important, serious , and good advice. Try to read it with an open mind and heart.
And to answer your question..yes, I have been there. I guess I'll be there again sometimes. It is so scary to feel overwhelmed and hopeless, we try to hide it, we try to fight it, we try to push it away, to run from it.
I didn't get better until I started accepting it. I allowed those fears their place..when they come over me I paused and let myself really feel them, felt where they landed in my body (my throat? my heart? my belly? where does the pain land) and then I would let it sit with me, not fight it. Amazingly, it passes if you do that...quickly! It goes in 20 minutes, half an hour..those fears just need their time with you...its like a toddler demanding attention..if you push back and push it away they get louder and louder and more demanding. If you sit with them a minute and give them their full attention...they go away, back to what they were doing.
It is a part of meditation that is called accepting, or allowing. Some people call it Radical Acceptance, which you can google or read about. It helps a lot with the "the problem is me" part.
I will hope for you and pray for you .
We are here with you.
Echo
