Nothing good has happened since I last posted under "My son threatens and hounds'. My hubby and I have become better at detaching from my younger difficult child 2 and he has found a new place to live and is supposedly sober. He still hasn't found a job but was getting by on unemployment and was able to enroll in junior college. Now his former employer contested the claim and the ruling went against my son. My husband says it's not fair, but I gently remind him that we do not know the whole truth, only what our son tells us. The employer may be in the right. difficult child 2 will run out of money in a month. My husband said we'd help him and I don't think we should. I told hubby if he wants to give difficult child's landlord one month's rent, ok, but that's it. I've known this child all his life and I have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that he is faltering. How can I tell? He pulls away. Even as he knew he was under scrutiny and awaiting a hearing and appeal on unemployment he made no effort to find a job. None. He dropped by today with our grandson and said that tomorrow he starts his job search. What about tonight after he drops the baby off at his mother's? He is an enigma. I have hope for him, but don't see anything worthwhile coming to fruition for a long, long time. My beautiful grandson, almost 4, has been given an initial diagnosis of a 4q22 chromosomal deletion. It's very rare and means that he may never be able to talk or live on his own. We had puzzled about this because he would say things and then never say them again. They ruled out autism. "Losing speech" is one of the symptoms of this condition. Both parents (my son and his ex-girlfriend) have to get blood tested for a definitive diagnosis. So far they haven't gone. They are in no rush as it is an inconvenience for them. I could scream. Grandbaby goes to school full-time and I am going up to observe him this week. Neither parent has made the effort. I want to know what they are doing to help him and what we can do to augment their efforts. My son said he would go with me. I told him no. We have been encouraging him to go since he was fired from his job in late December. He hasn't found the time. Having both of us there would be a distraction. He can go on his own. My elder difficult child 1 is still in a state mental institution. I don't know the status of his case. I did call the hospital and was given a phone number that the patients can answer. I asked for him and someone went to get him. I said his name and he hung up on me. He then called right back and said that he didn't want to have anything to do with his father, me or my batshit crazy family. He also said he wanted us to have a good life. This is a quirk of his Tourette/Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) that he could never hang up the phone angry or without saying I love you. I will respect his request and was glad to see a that even the smallest glimmer of his sweet nature still existed. The main problem I am having is with me. I don't know if I will ever see these situations resolved in my lifetime. I see no progress. I feel frozen inside. It takes monumental effort to go out of the house. I can be out and feel perfectly fine and then feel the need to get home as soon as possible. There is very little that makes me happy. I put on a brave face, but I just keep getting quieter and quieter which is contrary to my nature. I was seeing a psychologist weekly and it helped but she was recently hit by a car and will not be back until August. I am setting up consultations for a new one in the interim. My psychiatrist is keeping my medications the same. I have been trying to exercise, eat better, do yoga, pray, be outside...anything. But I can't shake this feeling of dread or hopelessness that my son's will not get better, my grandson will not get the care he needs, that the life I hoped and worked for is out of the question given circumstances and that I am forever changed by the stress and isolation I am experiencing. Do any of you feel this way? I have faced other daunting challenges in my life and after a time have always felt a spark of hope or fight that would shore up my strength and have me figuring a way out whatever predicament or despair. This blueness has lasted a long time. My father died in 2009. I feel worse that after losing him. Things have gotten worse since then. Can this go on forever? I am really frightened. And really sad.