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I messed up, fiance moved out and now I don't know what to do
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<blockquote data-quote="pajamas" data-source="post: 500930" data-attributes="member: 13499"><p>Thank you for listening ... we know it's hard. And congrats on the job <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Ouch! Sounds just like me - or at least husband's opinion of me. And we've stuck together through ups and downs and similar issues for 25 years. I *think* that I really want to make a joint decision with him; he thinks I'm placating him, and we'll have to do it my way regardless. Probably we're both right in part. I know at work, my boss says I irritate some people in similar ways even though he knows I'm actually open to incorporating their feedback or even completely changing direction - then he follows up with something along the lines of "but it's ok because you're usually right" (and I keep my job, because he's pretty similar). You're coming a long way just by seeing it, so now you can be alert to when you're doing it.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That doesn't sound like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), it sounds like ADD. The thing about ADD is that it doesn't mean you CAN'T pay attention, it means you can't CONTROL when you pay attention. "Hyper-focus" is part of the condition, as is impulsive action based on whatever you're focusing on right now. Good thing to talk with your therapist about. </p><p></p><p>Funny story - When Holden was around 8 or so, I had him practice saying "Idea-Think-Do. NOT Idea-Do-Think". Take off on the Ready-fire-aim thing. When I get excited about something, I have to do the same thing still, but I've learned a lot about my nature over time (and still can't always control it).</p><p></p><p>It does sound like your fiance loves you, and maybe this breather with therapy is just what you need to start your marriage with a strong foundation. Be sure to find an individual therapist who is knowledgeable about adult ADD, and give the two therapists permission to talk with each other.</p><p></p><p>We're rooting for you,</p><p></p><p>PJ</p><p></p><p>p.s. first time I've tried to insert quotes - hope they worked right <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="pajamas, post: 500930, member: 13499"] Thank you for listening ... we know it's hard. And congrats on the job :) Ouch! Sounds just like me - or at least husband's opinion of me. And we've stuck together through ups and downs and similar issues for 25 years. I *think* that I really want to make a joint decision with him; he thinks I'm placating him, and we'll have to do it my way regardless. Probably we're both right in part. I know at work, my boss says I irritate some people in similar ways even though he knows I'm actually open to incorporating their feedback or even completely changing direction - then he follows up with something along the lines of "but it's ok because you're usually right" (and I keep my job, because he's pretty similar). You're coming a long way just by seeing it, so now you can be alert to when you're doing it. That doesn't sound like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), it sounds like ADD. The thing about ADD is that it doesn't mean you CAN'T pay attention, it means you can't CONTROL when you pay attention. "Hyper-focus" is part of the condition, as is impulsive action based on whatever you're focusing on right now. Good thing to talk with your therapist about. Funny story - When Holden was around 8 or so, I had him practice saying "Idea-Think-Do. NOT Idea-Do-Think". Take off on the Ready-fire-aim thing. When I get excited about something, I have to do the same thing still, but I've learned a lot about my nature over time (and still can't always control it). It does sound like your fiance loves you, and maybe this breather with therapy is just what you need to start your marriage with a strong foundation. Be sure to find an individual therapist who is knowledgeable about adult ADD, and give the two therapists permission to talk with each other. We're rooting for you, PJ p.s. first time I've tried to insert quotes - hope they worked right :) [/QUOTE]
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I messed up, fiance moved out and now I don't know what to do
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