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Substance Abuse
I need a pep talk on letting go
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 518921"><p>Nancy; I keep thinking about that kite string. After much thought, I think moms DON'T let go. That's just not who we are. Instead, we need to start letting the string out...lots and lots of slack ... And know the kite may disappear from site. </p><p></p><p>I am a newbie w detachment, but I've decided that it's not the same as unattached. I am letting go of the notion that with hard work I can somehow amputate difficult child from my motherhood. </p><p></p><p>You've done all the right things: you supported her, helped her move, welcomed her back for holidays, went to meetings with her, and gave her the benefit of the doubt too many times to count. </p><p></p><p>When my difficult child stormed out abruptly in August, I tormented myself with all the "what ifs" and "why did/didnt I try xxx?" When he came back in December, I finally has the chance to have the heartfelt talks, give the good advice, share my own stories and reach out to him. And it didn't change anything. And that's made detaching a little easier. </p><p></p><p>You did it all, you tried so hard and YOU ARE A WONDERFUL MOTHER. It didn't work. Giving her kite string lots of slack means she can't keep yanking you along. During this tough week, I've put a lot of notions "in a box." When my wondering turns to worrying and then anxiety, and I want to text him or check his email- I remember "don't dial pain." Sometimes when I think of an excuse to worm into his life or of confronting him or I want to be passive aggressive, I think of Star*s "don't poke a bear." The bear isn't difficult child as much as his misguided notion that I am the problem because I want to run his life. And then he reacts at me and we go back to square 1. I have to remove myself from his life so he will have distance/space to recognize the real problem which is his lifestyle. That may never work, but it's all I got. </p><p></p><p>It hurts, I know. But on some days the pain is a little less sharp. And I think the time will come when the pain is a dull ache we can ignore rather than the acute sharp pain. </p><p></p><p>{{{{hugs}}}}</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 518921"] Nancy; I keep thinking about that kite string. After much thought, I think moms DON'T let go. That's just not who we are. Instead, we need to start letting the string out...lots and lots of slack ... And know the kite may disappear from site. I am a newbie w detachment, but I've decided that it's not the same as unattached. I am letting go of the notion that with hard work I can somehow amputate difficult child from my motherhood. You've done all the right things: you supported her, helped her move, welcomed her back for holidays, went to meetings with her, and gave her the benefit of the doubt too many times to count. When my difficult child stormed out abruptly in August, I tormented myself with all the "what ifs" and "why did/didnt I try xxx?" When he came back in December, I finally has the chance to have the heartfelt talks, give the good advice, share my own stories and reach out to him. And it didn't change anything. And that's made detaching a little easier. You did it all, you tried so hard and YOU ARE A WONDERFUL MOTHER. It didn't work. Giving her kite string lots of slack means she can't keep yanking you along. During this tough week, I've put a lot of notions "in a box." When my wondering turns to worrying and then anxiety, and I want to text him or check his email- I remember "don't dial pain." Sometimes when I think of an excuse to worm into his life or of confronting him or I want to be passive aggressive, I think of Star*s "don't poke a bear." The bear isn't difficult child as much as his misguided notion that I am the problem because I want to run his life. And then he reacts at me and we go back to square 1. I have to remove myself from his life so he will have distance/space to recognize the real problem which is his lifestyle. That may never work, but it's all I got. It hurts, I know. But on some days the pain is a little less sharp. And I think the time will come when the pain is a dull ache we can ignore rather than the acute sharp pain. {{{{hugs}}}} [/QUOTE]
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I need a pep talk on letting go
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