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I need a refresher course on detaching
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 550795" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Mutt</p><p></p><p>Being broke might be the best thing in the world for you. You'll have good reason to say No without feeling guilty. Usually all it takes is getting used to saying it often enough, and then.....well, you don't seem to go back to old ways. </p><p></p><p>Are there other options the kids can go to for help other than you? The county? Community Services? Something? Here, the kids could've went to community action and had their electric bill paid, and then if they qualified, could've been placed on a low income plan that the state helps cover the cost. I don't know what is available to them in your area, but you might be amazed once they are forced to really start looking in more appropriate places than you for help. </p><p></p><p>This is not an issue I really deal with much. Only one I've had to deal with it with was Katie, and I just told her I was broke and that was that. Once I took her a couple of bags of food and told her I wouldn't be doing it twice so make it last and be more responsible next time. </p><p></p><p>Frankly, even if I had the cash to "help", I'd never admit it. That type of helping doesn't truly help. I can say that because I lived with a man who ran to his mom every single time he over spent money and couldn't pay a bill.........until he was in his 40's. Only thing that made him stop was me telling him if he didn't then we were done, and meaning it. It's behavior that becomes habit. That habit gets reinforced by the one doing the "helping", and it's a never ending cycle. Once I stopped the cycle, behaviors that got him into that situation started to disappear. If a crisis did come up, he found other ways to handle it. </p><p></p><p>I tell you this because I'm certain you don't want to be doing this sort of thing for your kids when they're in their 40's. My mom, quite by accident, has managed to get herself into this situation with my eldest sis. Sis is 53 yrs old. </p><p></p><p>((hugs))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 550795, member: 84"] Mutt Being broke might be the best thing in the world for you. You'll have good reason to say No without feeling guilty. Usually all it takes is getting used to saying it often enough, and then.....well, you don't seem to go back to old ways. Are there other options the kids can go to for help other than you? The county? Community Services? Something? Here, the kids could've went to community action and had their electric bill paid, and then if they qualified, could've been placed on a low income plan that the state helps cover the cost. I don't know what is available to them in your area, but you might be amazed once they are forced to really start looking in more appropriate places than you for help. This is not an issue I really deal with much. Only one I've had to deal with it with was Katie, and I just told her I was broke and that was that. Once I took her a couple of bags of food and told her I wouldn't be doing it twice so make it last and be more responsible next time. Frankly, even if I had the cash to "help", I'd never admit it. That type of helping doesn't truly help. I can say that because I lived with a man who ran to his mom every single time he over spent money and couldn't pay a bill.........until he was in his 40's. Only thing that made him stop was me telling him if he didn't then we were done, and meaning it. It's behavior that becomes habit. That habit gets reinforced by the one doing the "helping", and it's a never ending cycle. Once I stopped the cycle, behaviors that got him into that situation started to disappear. If a crisis did come up, he found other ways to handle it. I tell you this because I'm certain you don't want to be doing this sort of thing for your kids when they're in their 40's. My mom, quite by accident, has managed to get herself into this situation with my eldest sis. Sis is 53 yrs old. ((hugs)) [/QUOTE]
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