Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
I need advice ASAP
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 658191" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I wish I could take those words out of your heart.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry he said something like that to you. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You have had to be very brave.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That helps me. To remember what I do have, I mean. Simple Abundance, by Sarah Ban Breathnack, consists of one to two page essays on all things female. It is beautifully written. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I love this. That is what they tell us, alright. "Behave as if...." I liked that you wrote about smiling and endorphins. At our house? We add "lift your eyebrows". Our daughter came up with that one, actually. (Man, I am heartsick about what your boy said to you. It just hit me again, when I posted that sentence about our daughter. That must be what it is like for you. I am so sorry.) </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>SWOT has posted information on personality disorder and emotional illness for us in the past, soooo tired. Reading that information helped me understand that much of what was happening really was no one's fault. It wasn't my fault, and it wasn't even my Difficult Child's fault. </p><p></p><p>So all at once, I could hear how to detach from the emotions that were swamping me. Then, I began to be able to reclaim myself from that lost place we get into, little piece by little piece, day by day. SWOT also came up with the phrase "differently wired children". That too was helpful to me, was a good way for me to visualize how the problems and issues began and what they meant and whether they meant anything. </p><p></p><p>We've recently gone through something similar with our 41 year old daughter. If you can be crystal clear that she can not live with you, that will help you both in the long run. In the beginning we had thought we might have to care for her, so we had to do an about face. I am so glad we did. It was tough, but over time she pulled her life back together in the most amazing way. So now, I post about looking at saying no to one of the kids moving in, and no to money, as making a space for something new to happen. </p><p></p><p>That helped me.</p><p></p><p>Regarding whose "fault" any of this is? That is a manipulation. I know you know that. I think the kids use it to shock us and take the attention away from what they did. But I see it this way, now: They can do whatever they want. Anything at all. And then, I say things like: "You are bright and capable and you can figure this out." "I love you." "No one can move home." "I'm sorry that happened. What are you going to do?" Stuff like that. It really helps to know what I am going to say ahead of time. </p><p></p><p>When I am in the thick of it, I cannot think. It's like my brain freezes.</p><p></p><p>Some times, I have to remind myself to breathe.</p><p></p><p>I feel badly for you that you are selling your house. Tanya and SWOT have excellent points, though. Maybe you could see it as an adventure. You will be creating a whole new you.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 658191, member: 17461"] I wish I could take those words out of your heart. I am so sorry he said something like that to you. You have had to be very brave. That helps me. To remember what I do have, I mean. Simple Abundance, by Sarah Ban Breathnack, consists of one to two page essays on all things female. It is beautifully written. I love this. That is what they tell us, alright. "Behave as if...." I liked that you wrote about smiling and endorphins. At our house? We add "lift your eyebrows". Our daughter came up with that one, actually. (Man, I am heartsick about what your boy said to you. It just hit me again, when I posted that sentence about our daughter. That must be what it is like for you. I am so sorry.) SWOT has posted information on personality disorder and emotional illness for us in the past, soooo tired. Reading that information helped me understand that much of what was happening really was no one's fault. It wasn't my fault, and it wasn't even my Difficult Child's fault. So all at once, I could hear how to detach from the emotions that were swamping me. Then, I began to be able to reclaim myself from that lost place we get into, little piece by little piece, day by day. SWOT also came up with the phrase "differently wired children". That too was helpful to me, was a good way for me to visualize how the problems and issues began and what they meant and whether they meant anything. We've recently gone through something similar with our 41 year old daughter. If you can be crystal clear that she can not live with you, that will help you both in the long run. In the beginning we had thought we might have to care for her, so we had to do an about face. I am so glad we did. It was tough, but over time she pulled her life back together in the most amazing way. So now, I post about looking at saying no to one of the kids moving in, and no to money, as making a space for something new to happen. That helped me. Regarding whose "fault" any of this is? That is a manipulation. I know you know that. I think the kids use it to shock us and take the attention away from what they did. But I see it this way, now: They can do whatever they want. Anything at all. And then, I say things like: "You are bright and capable and you can figure this out." "I love you." "No one can move home." "I'm sorry that happened. What are you going to do?" Stuff like that. It really helps to know what I am going to say ahead of time. When I am in the thick of it, I cannot think. It's like my brain freezes. Some times, I have to remind myself to breathe. I feel badly for you that you are selling your house. Tanya and SWOT have excellent points, though. Maybe you could see it as an adventure. You will be creating a whole new you. Cedar [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
I need advice ASAP
Top