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I need advice - Long
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 143436" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Heather, you're doing everything right, as far as I can see. I totally agree with the caution and I'm glad you're still keeping the possibility at the back of your mind. That's as much as I wanted, to make sure the possibility had been made known to you. Because if so, at this stage there's nothing you can say to her about it, it's a matter of digging to find out just how bad she feels about herself, and how to help her feel better. Certainly I wouldn't recommend digging to find out if she had been abused - just to work on feelings, that's all. CBT.</p><p></p><p>That means that whatever the cause (even if it's just the way she is, as it was with difficult child 1) it should be left alone until/if it comes up. The issue now is the overlay. There are now layers of emotion and feelings that a professional has to carefully dig through, to work primarily in teaching her that she is a good person and that the mixed feelings, the confusion, do NOT mean she is bad, she needs to find ways to feel more positive and to find her confidence.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 1 is a lot better these days - a lot of things help him stay on an even keel. Knowing he can raise a subject and talk about it does help. It makes a big difference. If nothing else, if a counsellor can open a few communication doors for her, it's got to help her - if she can feel freer to come and talk to you about a wider range of things.</p><p></p><p>But you've been working on this, you've done as much as you can. If you keep doing what you have been plus can get her to a counsellor, hopefully this could help.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 143436, member: 1991"] Heather, you're doing everything right, as far as I can see. I totally agree with the caution and I'm glad you're still keeping the possibility at the back of your mind. That's as much as I wanted, to make sure the possibility had been made known to you. Because if so, at this stage there's nothing you can say to her about it, it's a matter of digging to find out just how bad she feels about herself, and how to help her feel better. Certainly I wouldn't recommend digging to find out if she had been abused - just to work on feelings, that's all. CBT. That means that whatever the cause (even if it's just the way she is, as it was with difficult child 1) it should be left alone until/if it comes up. The issue now is the overlay. There are now layers of emotion and feelings that a professional has to carefully dig through, to work primarily in teaching her that she is a good person and that the mixed feelings, the confusion, do NOT mean she is bad, she needs to find ways to feel more positive and to find her confidence. difficult child 1 is a lot better these days - a lot of things help him stay on an even keel. Knowing he can raise a subject and talk about it does help. It makes a big difference. If nothing else, if a counsellor can open a few communication doors for her, it's got to help her - if she can feel freer to come and talk to you about a wider range of things. But you've been working on this, you've done as much as you can. If you keep doing what you have been plus can get her to a counsellor, hopefully this could help. Marg [/QUOTE]
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