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<blockquote data-quote="sad and scared mom" data-source="post: 646207" data-attributes="member: 18729"><p>My 20 year old daughter has been suffering from depression since she has been about 14. it started when one of her best friends killed himself at 15. within the next 7 months she had 2 other suicides in her life, one was a 12 year old cousin. I immediately got her into some counseling. After a couple of years we decided to try medication. As everyone knows it takes a while to find a medication that works but we finally did. She stayed on the medications for a year and then she decided to take herself off. She thought she could deal with her depression on her own. Since then she has been up and down. I have gotten her involved with several different therapist and she would go for a while then quit. she is 20 turning 21 in a few months and she recently started taking another medication that was tough at first made her feel like crap but after a few weeks on it, and me begging her to hang in there she started to feel better. I thought she was doing great and I was asking her everyday if she "took her pill today" and of course she was telling yes. Well we are right back to where we have been time and time again. She has stopped taking her medications and she is back to being depressed. My frustration is so large. I just want to hug her and shake her at the same time. She has lost a couple of jobs and she is now working maybe 12 hours a week and I have told her that she has got to do something about that. She tried collage and was not happy with that. So I told her if she wasn't going to school she needed to work full time. She does not help out around the house at all not even keeping her room clean To this point I have been paying for her car insurance and cell bill. (her grandpa left her a car) As of Jan. 1 I sat down and wrote her a letter letting her know that as of Feb. first she had to have a job that pays enough to pay her insurance and cell. Here we are the last week of January and she is still not working. I don't even know if she is still working the small job she had. She is never home. when she does come home she makes sure she does it when my husband and I are at work. She spends the night a different peoples houses sometimes letting me know and sometimes not. She goes out to clubs and has a great time with her friends but the little time that she is home she isolates herself from the family. I know she is manipulating me with some of the stuff she does. My husband came into our lives when she was 10 and he adopted her when she was 12. Her biological father walked out before she was born and has never had anything to do with her. We have spoke about that in therapy many of times. My husband is a wonderful man and loves her completely. He has twin boys that are also 20. (they live on their own) In fact we met because our kids were friends in Jr. high school and the 3 of them are best of friends. I know that sometimes she feels bad because both of the boys are on track with there lives. we keep telling her that she will get there but she needs to do the work to get there. She needs to put forth an effort to get her life in order. Another thing that is so difficult is is that my Husband doesn't understand depression. He just doesn't understand what she has to be depressed about. over the years I have educated him a lot. He has read books and gone to some therapy sessions and he try's to understand but he also thinks she uses her depression against me and to a point I agree. At times he tells me she is just lazy and doesn't want to work or help out around the house and I also agree with that. The last 6 months have just been unbearable in the home. I have been to the point that I wish she would leave and try to figure it out on her own, but as a mother I am so scared of what may happen to her. she has had suicide thoughts in the past herself and she was hospitalized 2 times for 3 days each time and each time she came out better and was good for a short period of time then right back down again. One of the things that upset me the most is, is that when she was in high school and after her friends died she dedicated herself to suicide awareness. She went as far as to take classes to become a certified gate keeper and this title gives her the ability to go to schools to talk to teachers, consolers and students about suicide. Her senior year she was picked as one of the states top 10 students of the year for this. She is still asked to come to schools to speak. I know that she has helped so many kids with her talks. I have asked her how can she help so many kids but she cant seem to help herself. The sadist thing she ever said to me was that she didn't feel worthy of the help. She has such low self esteem and low self worth.</p><p>I am sorry to ramble on and on but I just don't know what to do. Something needs to change because her depression and her not wanting to help herself and not working is putting a lot of stress on our marriage. Oh and yes I do know that she smokes pot how much I don't know.</p><p>thank you for any advice anyone can offer.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="sad and scared mom, post: 646207, member: 18729"] My 20 year old daughter has been suffering from depression since she has been about 14. it started when one of her best friends killed himself at 15. within the next 7 months she had 2 other suicides in her life, one was a 12 year old cousin. I immediately got her into some counseling. After a couple of years we decided to try medication. As everyone knows it takes a while to find a medication that works but we finally did. She stayed on the medications for a year and then she decided to take herself off. She thought she could deal with her depression on her own. Since then she has been up and down. I have gotten her involved with several different therapist and she would go for a while then quit. she is 20 turning 21 in a few months and she recently started taking another medication that was tough at first made her feel like crap but after a few weeks on it, and me begging her to hang in there she started to feel better. I thought she was doing great and I was asking her everyday if she "took her pill today" and of course she was telling yes. Well we are right back to where we have been time and time again. She has stopped taking her medications and she is back to being depressed. My frustration is so large. I just want to hug her and shake her at the same time. She has lost a couple of jobs and she is now working maybe 12 hours a week and I have told her that she has got to do something about that. She tried collage and was not happy with that. So I told her if she wasn't going to school she needed to work full time. She does not help out around the house at all not even keeping her room clean To this point I have been paying for her car insurance and cell bill. (her grandpa left her a car) As of Jan. 1 I sat down and wrote her a letter letting her know that as of Feb. first she had to have a job that pays enough to pay her insurance and cell. Here we are the last week of January and she is still not working. I don't even know if she is still working the small job she had. She is never home. when she does come home she makes sure she does it when my husband and I are at work. She spends the night a different peoples houses sometimes letting me know and sometimes not. She goes out to clubs and has a great time with her friends but the little time that she is home she isolates herself from the family. I know she is manipulating me with some of the stuff she does. My husband came into our lives when she was 10 and he adopted her when she was 12. Her biological father walked out before she was born and has never had anything to do with her. We have spoke about that in therapy many of times. My husband is a wonderful man and loves her completely. He has twin boys that are also 20. (they live on their own) In fact we met because our kids were friends in Jr. high school and the 3 of them are best of friends. I know that sometimes she feels bad because both of the boys are on track with there lives. we keep telling her that she will get there but she needs to do the work to get there. She needs to put forth an effort to get her life in order. Another thing that is so difficult is is that my Husband doesn't understand depression. He just doesn't understand what she has to be depressed about. over the years I have educated him a lot. He has read books and gone to some therapy sessions and he try's to understand but he also thinks she uses her depression against me and to a point I agree. At times he tells me she is just lazy and doesn't want to work or help out around the house and I also agree with that. The last 6 months have just been unbearable in the home. I have been to the point that I wish she would leave and try to figure it out on her own, but as a mother I am so scared of what may happen to her. she has had suicide thoughts in the past herself and she was hospitalized 2 times for 3 days each time and each time she came out better and was good for a short period of time then right back down again. One of the things that upset me the most is, is that when she was in high school and after her friends died she dedicated herself to suicide awareness. She went as far as to take classes to become a certified gate keeper and this title gives her the ability to go to schools to talk to teachers, consolers and students about suicide. Her senior year she was picked as one of the states top 10 students of the year for this. She is still asked to come to schools to speak. I know that she has helped so many kids with her talks. I have asked her how can she help so many kids but she cant seem to help herself. The sadist thing she ever said to me was that she didn't feel worthy of the help. She has such low self esteem and low self worth. I am sorry to ramble on and on but I just don't know what to do. Something needs to change because her depression and her not wanting to help herself and not working is putting a lot of stress on our marriage. Oh and yes I do know that she smokes pot how much I don't know. thank you for any advice anyone can offer. [/QUOTE]
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