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I need help for my son!
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 723730" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Welcome! I am sorry you needed to find us, but glad you did find us. This is a serious issue, but you are on the road to finding help. That is a good thing. Please don't worry that anyone here will judge you. We won't. We all come here because our children are doing strange and difficult things that few, if any, people in our non-electronic lives have any concept of. </p><p></p><p>I would say that you need to check every device that your son can use to go online. This means tablets, computers, game systems, even his siblings' electronics. Why his siblings? Because he may use their things so that when you check his things you won't find anything. If you have a family computer, also check that. Be aware that this is child pornography that he is viewing. You may need to speak to an attorney and the police about this if he is viewing this. Just looking at it or having it is a crime in most states. He may also hide data cards or thumb drives in his room. You should probably search his room very carefully while he is out, then search his backpack/bag of holding/whatever when he comes in. I know it is scary, but it is better to find it all in the beginning and deal with it rather than to keep finding little bits of it here and there. </p><p></p><p>It sounds like you are on the right track with a thorough evaluation. I would also suggest including a neuropsychologist in the team evaluating him. They do very in depth evaluations that last 10-12 hours over several days. The neuropsychologist is a psychologist with special training in how the brain functions. It can take quite a while to get an appointment, but the hospital may have this set up as part of the evaluation. If not, they probably have one on staff. If they don't, check with a Children's Hospital.</p><p></p><p>Until he is evaluated, you may want to limit his time online to times when you can sit with him. I mean sit right there and pay attention to what he is doing. He will HATE it, but it could keep him from more problems. I know it will be hard for you also.</p><p></p><p>I do know how hard it is to have a depressed teen around. Especially one you are homeschooling. been there done that. I homeschooled my older 2 at various times for various reasons. It can be hard to get them to do schoolwork when they are depressed. Hopefully the doctors can help, but that will take time.</p><p></p><p>What do you think started his slide into depression? What started the anger? Is there any history of abuse? I am NOT accusing you of abuse or implying that you abused him or allowed anyone to abuse him!!!!! I am saying that sometimes things happen that we don't know about because we cannot keep our eyes on them 24/7, not even when we only have one child. With 5 kids, it is even more of a challenge. You have coaches, time they are at friends' houses, and all sorts of other influences on their lives that provide opportunities for things to happen. Kids don't tell parents about things for many reasons. If you can figure out a trigger for his depression and anger, it might help. it might not be a magic fix for the problems, but it could help some. </p><p></p><p>Is there any chance he is using drugs of any kind? Or drinking alcohol? Often that can cause real changes that parents cannot figure out. It might be worth buying a multi-panel drug test at the drugstore and testing him. Alcohol doesn't show up on those, but you can get tests that show a lot of other things. Most drugstores and places like Walmart carry them. It would eliminate one possible source of problems like depression and lying.</p><p></p><p>Drugs won't generally cause someone to want to look at children in a sexual way. I am not sure what would cause that, but the doctors at the hospital would probably be able to help. I do know that many psychiatric hospitals have programs for teens who have acted inappropriately in a sexual way. Generally becoming a sex offender is described like being on a ladder. You don't just start out with the worst offense. You start out thinking about it, which would be the first rung. The second rung would be looking at pictures of little kids in a sexual way. Third rung would be pictures of naked little kids, and it would go from there. This is how it was explained to me. I hope the explanation helps a little. </p><p></p><p>One thing that might help a lot is to write a Parent Report. There is a link in my signature at the bottom of this post. It will take you to a thread about the Parent Report. This is a report that you write about your child. It keeps all of the information about your son organized and in one place so that you can have it handy at appointments when you need it. You can also give copies of sections to doctors if you think it will help for them to read it. I found it to be one of the most powerful tools that I had when we were getting help for my son. It really is worth the time it takes to write the report and to keep it updated as things change.</p><p></p><p>Keep posting here. It really does help. More people will be along soon, though weekends can be a little slow.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 723730, member: 1233"] Welcome! I am sorry you needed to find us, but glad you did find us. This is a serious issue, but you are on the road to finding help. That is a good thing. Please don't worry that anyone here will judge you. We won't. We all come here because our children are doing strange and difficult things that few, if any, people in our non-electronic lives have any concept of. I would say that you need to check every device that your son can use to go online. This means tablets, computers, game systems, even his siblings' electronics. Why his siblings? Because he may use their things so that when you check his things you won't find anything. If you have a family computer, also check that. Be aware that this is child pornography that he is viewing. You may need to speak to an attorney and the police about this if he is viewing this. Just looking at it or having it is a crime in most states. He may also hide data cards or thumb drives in his room. You should probably search his room very carefully while he is out, then search his backpack/bag of holding/whatever when he comes in. I know it is scary, but it is better to find it all in the beginning and deal with it rather than to keep finding little bits of it here and there. It sounds like you are on the right track with a thorough evaluation. I would also suggest including a neuropsychologist in the team evaluating him. They do very in depth evaluations that last 10-12 hours over several days. The neuropsychologist is a psychologist with special training in how the brain functions. It can take quite a while to get an appointment, but the hospital may have this set up as part of the evaluation. If not, they probably have one on staff. If they don't, check with a Children's Hospital. Until he is evaluated, you may want to limit his time online to times when you can sit with him. I mean sit right there and pay attention to what he is doing. He will HATE it, but it could keep him from more problems. I know it will be hard for you also. I do know how hard it is to have a depressed teen around. Especially one you are homeschooling. been there done that. I homeschooled my older 2 at various times for various reasons. It can be hard to get them to do schoolwork when they are depressed. Hopefully the doctors can help, but that will take time. What do you think started his slide into depression? What started the anger? Is there any history of abuse? I am NOT accusing you of abuse or implying that you abused him or allowed anyone to abuse him!!!!! I am saying that sometimes things happen that we don't know about because we cannot keep our eyes on them 24/7, not even when we only have one child. With 5 kids, it is even more of a challenge. You have coaches, time they are at friends' houses, and all sorts of other influences on their lives that provide opportunities for things to happen. Kids don't tell parents about things for many reasons. If you can figure out a trigger for his depression and anger, it might help. it might not be a magic fix for the problems, but it could help some. Is there any chance he is using drugs of any kind? Or drinking alcohol? Often that can cause real changes that parents cannot figure out. It might be worth buying a multi-panel drug test at the drugstore and testing him. Alcohol doesn't show up on those, but you can get tests that show a lot of other things. Most drugstores and places like Walmart carry them. It would eliminate one possible source of problems like depression and lying. Drugs won't generally cause someone to want to look at children in a sexual way. I am not sure what would cause that, but the doctors at the hospital would probably be able to help. I do know that many psychiatric hospitals have programs for teens who have acted inappropriately in a sexual way. Generally becoming a sex offender is described like being on a ladder. You don't just start out with the worst offense. You start out thinking about it, which would be the first rung. The second rung would be looking at pictures of little kids in a sexual way. Third rung would be pictures of naked little kids, and it would go from there. This is how it was explained to me. I hope the explanation helps a little. One thing that might help a lot is to write a Parent Report. There is a link in my signature at the bottom of this post. It will take you to a thread about the Parent Report. This is a report that you write about your child. It keeps all of the information about your son organized and in one place so that you can have it handy at appointments when you need it. You can also give copies of sections to doctors if you think it will help for them to read it. I found it to be one of the most powerful tools that I had when we were getting help for my son. It really is worth the time it takes to write the report and to keep it updated as things change. Keep posting here. It really does help. More people will be along soon, though weekends can be a little slow. [/QUOTE]
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