Him I'm new and don't know where to start. Please bear with me. I'm a mom of five kids - all have been homeschooled for most of their academic life, though they've all had the freedom to go to school if they wanted (some of them have for a couple of years). All the kids are involved in outside sports activities and youth group, etc. They all have friends. My son that I am worried about has even pulled away from his best friend lately. At any rate, my husband and I are extremely worried about our 15 YO son who we've come to find out has been progressively slipping into a deep depression, becoming very angry, lying. We've been periodically checking his phone and found very disturbing material he's been viewing on YouTube, mostly things like gay animation and some really crazy people he is "following" on YouTube. He's been watching clips about putting poop in weird places. He has slowly turned from simple video games to violent video games. He lies, constantly. I mean all. the. time. His grades have gone to hell - it's like he doesn't care about his academics the way he used to. He has told me he has thought about suicide (no plan). Most disturbing of all, I found his diary and I read it. I don't know if I can bring myself to even write this but he claims in his diary that he likes looking at pictures of little boys privates. He writes A LOT about ejaculating in different things and then washing with it (like a sock or towel). He writes about pooping in his underwear and pooping in different parts of the house. We haven't been able to see anything on his phone about the disturbing child issue. We are installing spy software today to go through ALL his online activity. Right away we got him into therapy twice a week. Not sure if it's helping. But I was able to get him into one of the best Hospital's psychiatric programs that will evaluate him thoroughly - that happens the first week of December. My concern is the child comments in his diary. I am beside myself with grief over this! Could this be a phase? What would cause this? Have I failed him? Thanks for listening.