I don't know what is going on. I don't know if I am handling it all wrong. I feel as if I have done everything wrong forever. He quit taking the abilify about three or four weeks ago. Then he told us early last week he has been so very angry, but he was willing to try something new if the doctor had something with no weight gain. Doctor started him on 20 mg's of Geodon last Friday. However I found a pill in his pocket on Monday. He said he didn't take it Friday night because he read it can cause sudden death..He said he has been taking it since. He has been getting angrier and angrier. He has me in tears, so much so I can't even drive. Had to stop twice yesterday on the way home from therapist. He went in and I left for a walk because he had yelled at me all the way. He called me ten minutes later and said he has nothing to say come get him. I told him no, I will come back in 45 minutes when his appointment time is done. Didn't see him last night. He got a ride to school today. His medicine was no longer on the shelf, but that doesn't tell me anything. About an hour ago his father called me and said school called him and difficult child had an incident with another student and difficult child punched a locker. they said his hand is swollen, his knuckles are black and blue and they think we should get it checked out. husband drove to school and said difficult child is very, very angry, just a mess I guess. husband was going round and round. husband said his hand wasn't as bad as school made it out to be. They are keeping ice on it and he is staying late since he is so very far behind. OMG..I ask him every day if he has homework. He says no. Then I find out he hasn't done any work for a while. Sleeping in class. Grrr. difficult child has early release. However they said that he needs to stay if he sleeps or doesn't do his work. Great..keeps me out of it. Well, not really. Because he yells at me. Now he wants to drop a two classes..blah, blah. He does this everytime he falls behind. Years and years of this. I am so very sad. He hates me, blames me for everything. I feel so bad for him. The depersonalization makes school difficult. You don't remember this when you see him. Anxiety seems to be ok now that he is taking klonipin. Once in a while he still has a bad panic attack. He has put on weight and is very angry about that. Hates school. He said he quits, he just can't do this anymore. Only he says it so angry. I would do anything for him. I can't help him unless he is willing also. When I got home yesterday(he went to girlfriend's) I took away his laptop. He sits in his room on his stupid laptop every minute he is home and I can't take it. I am gone several days a week for work and I want to see him when I am home. Didn't go well. He isn't even speaking to me. I think I should just give up. I just don't know what to do. He will be angry after school and if he has to go to the doctor he will be even more angry. I am afraid he will hurt himself. Doctors office won't call in x-rays, we have to bring him in first. Dumb. Nurse said if he broke it he would know. But he is so angry he won't admit if it does hurt. Nurse said if his knuckles are black and blue, he needs to be seen. I just don't know what to do. Is it even worth the fight. I just feel so lost and so alone. husband is just not a help. He gets angry and then we all get into it. Why am I even here. I just don't know what to do.