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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 485743" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>Sweet Janet, I am not and have never been married, so I wont pretend to know how to work that out. I have been in relationships that didn't work out though. what is important to me here is that you are suffering. You posted about this a little while ago. All I have for you is love and support and rambly thoughts so if any of it makes sense, fine if not just delete it from your thoughts.</p><p></p><p> It does seem that something is going on with Tony. Yes, you may be seeing things thru depression eyes, that doesn't make it wrong it may just make it harder to be objective about the fact that you are not the problem here, and probably about how you feel or they feel about you. What kind of stroke did Tony have? Is there a specific area of damage? Just curious. </p><p></p><p>It seems like whatever is going on with Tony he is very irritable and all of his thoughts and interactions are being affected by this. I am wondering if he did have a personality change from the stroke and if he truly does have a short term memory problem which can really complicate things. In his mind he would truly think you are goofing up then. It is just a question, and the other question is if he had one stroke, could he have had any other issues going on since? Including early dimentia or alzheimers? These kinds of behaviors often happen, making a person just seem mean and rude to their partners and families. If this is permeating into work then i would wonder? Hard thing is to get them to go to a neuro or psychiatrist who specializes in these problems. It is important to know before you fully decide what to do with your life, because he could be sick. Of course he could have old fashioned depression too. And lastly, as you said, you could just have grown apart.</p><p></p><p>That said,no matter the reason, you are being dismissed and hurt by him and no one deserves this. This may not work at all, but if he makes a request, can you for now write it down and have him initial it, have him confirm that it is right. Tell him about this plan during a quiet/non fighting time. Tell him YOU are worried about your memory and you want to make things better so you are writing things down to help make sure you keep things straight. Just an idea...dont do it sarcastically or angered. But if he then goes on to complain you goofed up, you can say let me check, and then you have your answer.... </p><p></p><p>If it continues that way, that he doesn't remember, then you can have a little intervention with the evidence you have gathered... with the kids to let him know you are concerned and you just want him to be ok.</p><p></p><p>If he wont cooperate, you have some big decisions. You do not deserve to live like this. Even if you made a thousand mistakes, your partner is supposed to be your biggest cheerleader. Supposed to build you up when you are down. Supposed to forgive you when you make a mistake. You have talked with such love for you family but that is being covered up right now by hurt and wearing you down. Holidays often bring up sadness and you have had some big hurts do deal with in the grief department. Not only that, your boys are boys, and they really did not get how important this was to you, and now of course you feel slighted, anyone would. I agree, sometimes a girlfriend is better in this department. Really dont have to explain so much about the feelings etc. </p><p></p><p>I'm glad you felt like you could say this. I suspected something was going on because your posts have been fewer and I was worried so had started in my mind to compose a pm to you. I still probably will , smile. Be kind to yourself, you dont have to make any big decisions TODAY so start processing here, see if you can find another therapist (that stinks) and do something you love to do. Just for you. How is your pain lately? Is there anywhere with a warm water pool? sometimes senior living places have them and will allow outsiders to swim. It could be a way to help ease your pain and build your happy chemicals....smile.</p><p></p><p>All the love energy I can send you is being pumped your way! love, Dee</p><p></p><p></p><p>Is there another bedroom in the house? My grandparents loved eachother dearly because they had separate bedrooms. For some that is an awful decision, for others it really helps give space.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 485743, member: 12886"] Sweet Janet, I am not and have never been married, so I wont pretend to know how to work that out. I have been in relationships that didn't work out though. what is important to me here is that you are suffering. You posted about this a little while ago. All I have for you is love and support and rambly thoughts so if any of it makes sense, fine if not just delete it from your thoughts. It does seem that something is going on with Tony. Yes, you may be seeing things thru depression eyes, that doesn't make it wrong it may just make it harder to be objective about the fact that you are not the problem here, and probably about how you feel or they feel about you. What kind of stroke did Tony have? Is there a specific area of damage? Just curious. It seems like whatever is going on with Tony he is very irritable and all of his thoughts and interactions are being affected by this. I am wondering if he did have a personality change from the stroke and if he truly does have a short term memory problem which can really complicate things. In his mind he would truly think you are goofing up then. It is just a question, and the other question is if he had one stroke, could he have had any other issues going on since? Including early dimentia or alzheimers? These kinds of behaviors often happen, making a person just seem mean and rude to their partners and families. If this is permeating into work then i would wonder? Hard thing is to get them to go to a neuro or psychiatrist who specializes in these problems. It is important to know before you fully decide what to do with your life, because he could be sick. Of course he could have old fashioned depression too. And lastly, as you said, you could just have grown apart. That said,no matter the reason, you are being dismissed and hurt by him and no one deserves this. This may not work at all, but if he makes a request, can you for now write it down and have him initial it, have him confirm that it is right. Tell him about this plan during a quiet/non fighting time. Tell him YOU are worried about your memory and you want to make things better so you are writing things down to help make sure you keep things straight. Just an idea...dont do it sarcastically or angered. But if he then goes on to complain you goofed up, you can say let me check, and then you have your answer.... If it continues that way, that he doesn't remember, then you can have a little intervention with the evidence you have gathered... with the kids to let him know you are concerned and you just want him to be ok. If he wont cooperate, you have some big decisions. You do not deserve to live like this. Even if you made a thousand mistakes, your partner is supposed to be your biggest cheerleader. Supposed to build you up when you are down. Supposed to forgive you when you make a mistake. You have talked with such love for you family but that is being covered up right now by hurt and wearing you down. Holidays often bring up sadness and you have had some big hurts do deal with in the grief department. Not only that, your boys are boys, and they really did not get how important this was to you, and now of course you feel slighted, anyone would. I agree, sometimes a girlfriend is better in this department. Really dont have to explain so much about the feelings etc. I'm glad you felt like you could say this. I suspected something was going on because your posts have been fewer and I was worried so had started in my mind to compose a pm to you. I still probably will , smile. Be kind to yourself, you dont have to make any big decisions TODAY so start processing here, see if you can find another therapist (that stinks) and do something you love to do. Just for you. How is your pain lately? Is there anywhere with a warm water pool? sometimes senior living places have them and will allow outsiders to swim. It could be a way to help ease your pain and build your happy chemicals....smile. All the love energy I can send you is being pumped your way! love, Dee Is there another bedroom in the house? My grandparents loved eachother dearly because they had separate bedrooms. For some that is an awful decision, for others it really helps give space. [/QUOTE]
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