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<blockquote data-quote="victorearose" data-source="post: 98526" data-attributes="member: 3878"><p>Hugs to everyone this beautiful morning. </p><p></p><p>I was looking at autism-pride t-shirts last night and loved the ones that said "parenting advice not welcome unless you have an autistic child". </p><p></p><p>Isn't it nice to be able to come to a place for advice from people who have been there, are still there, and doing it? I love that everyone giving Chrystal advice didn't judge ... everyone just says what seems to work for them. It is cool.</p><p></p><p>In my experience, I have not found any one thing that miracously works. I find what doesn't work. The Explosive Child did not work. Spanking & taking away toys does not work. Bribing for good behavior works - especially when asking for help with housework. Firmly telling him to "STOP" will work if he is entering full melt-down. Then, giving space and not interacting or touching until he is calm. Then he cleans up his mess, apologizes, etc. to accept responsibility for what occurred during the meltdown. Then we talk about what to do next time this happens. We save consequences (losing computer, game boy, tv) if he threatens or actually hurts someone else or property. Usually, being vigilant to plan ahead, coach and prep him for what is coming up and discussing what to do if things don't go his way and if he needs some space. Having his game-boy and books with us on outings helps. Giving him space works best. It takes 2-3 times the amount of mental and emotional energy to parent the difficult child, doesn't it?</p><p></p><p>I found a book I want to start doing, I think, called "The Amazing 5-point scale". You focus on a behavior that needs to be changed such as control of emotions. "5" means totally out of control, "1" means totally calm. You talk to difficult child and decide which each number means and carry a card with the scale or use fingers ... check in with each other. If difficult child is 3, prompt him to take deep breaths; if 4, get to a quiet place, etc.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, just know we are all very awesome parents and support people for our difficult child's. Take some time for your self today. I personally, am going to see my massage therapist. The nurturing I get at my sessions is so awesome.</p><p></p><p>YOU ARE AWESOME!!! Ignore everyone else ... you are doing the best you know for your difficult child. You know what is best. You deserve the gold medal!</p><p></p><p>Tressa</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="victorearose, post: 98526, member: 3878"] Hugs to everyone this beautiful morning. I was looking at autism-pride t-shirts last night and loved the ones that said "parenting advice not welcome unless you have an autistic child". Isn't it nice to be able to come to a place for advice from people who have been there, are still there, and doing it? I love that everyone giving Chrystal advice didn't judge ... everyone just says what seems to work for them. It is cool. In my experience, I have not found any one thing that miracously works. I find what doesn't work. The Explosive Child did not work. Spanking & taking away toys does not work. Bribing for good behavior works - especially when asking for help with housework. Firmly telling him to "STOP" will work if he is entering full melt-down. Then, giving space and not interacting or touching until he is calm. Then he cleans up his mess, apologizes, etc. to accept responsibility for what occurred during the meltdown. Then we talk about what to do next time this happens. We save consequences (losing computer, game boy, tv) if he threatens or actually hurts someone else or property. Usually, being vigilant to plan ahead, coach and prep him for what is coming up and discussing what to do if things don't go his way and if he needs some space. Having his game-boy and books with us on outings helps. Giving him space works best. It takes 2-3 times the amount of mental and emotional energy to parent the difficult child, doesn't it? I found a book I want to start doing, I think, called "The Amazing 5-point scale". You focus on a behavior that needs to be changed such as control of emotions. "5" means totally out of control, "1" means totally calm. You talk to difficult child and decide which each number means and carry a card with the scale or use fingers ... check in with each other. If difficult child is 3, prompt him to take deep breaths; if 4, get to a quiet place, etc. Anyway, just know we are all very awesome parents and support people for our difficult child's. Take some time for your self today. I personally, am going to see my massage therapist. The nurturing I get at my sessions is so awesome. YOU ARE AWESOME!!! Ignore everyone else ... you are doing the best you know for your difficult child. You know what is best. You deserve the gold medal! Tressa [/QUOTE]
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