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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 454616" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hate to be t he first one to bring this up, but my hub was the stepfather.</p><p></p><p>Most likely your girlfriend's kids may be hostile to you being with their mother. They didn't pick you, she did, and you aren't even her stepfather yet. And trust me when I say many stepfathers get the disrespect as well. What helped our household was to have new hub back off in the discipline department and for me and my ex to discipline together. Hub took on role as a friend. This probably goes against your grain (it did my hub at first), but they are HER children and SHE is the only one with a longterm relationship with them. I don't think boyfriends and steps should just step in there and do the discipline.</p><p></p><p>You do not state what the problems are with these children, but you may want to re-evaluate your relationship with your girlfriend. The kids are part of the deal and she will likely choose her children over you if push comes to shove. You are not just taking her on...you are taking on all of her baggage. If it doesn't make you happy, taking the relationship further isn't going to change anything. If you dislike the children AS THEY ARE it is unlikely to get much better.</p><p></p><p>If you still wish to stick it out, I recommend family counseling for all of you. You sound a bit hostile toward the kids, which is understandable. Steps and boyfriend are usually (not always) not as tolerant of the special needs children that they inherit. Where is birthfather in this? Does he see his children? This is also important. Children prefer their parents to stay together, even if it is intolerable to the adult, and the boyfriend or step becomes the bad guy. You can't avoid this under most (not all) circumstances.</p><p></p><p>Things did not improve in our house until hub saw the wisdom of stepping back. Now my older kids are grown and get along great with my hub (probably better than with their bio. dad). However, it took a long time before the kids really understood why there was a divorce and why Mom picked somebody else to be in her life. Stepping into a situation with difficult children is a challenge that not everyone can handle. </p><p></p><p>If you can't do family counseling, you may want to go into counseling just for yourself to see if this is what you want for the rest of your life.</p><p></p><p>Welcome to the board. Lots of smart people hang out here <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 454616, member: 1550"] Hate to be t he first one to bring this up, but my hub was the stepfather. Most likely your girlfriend's kids may be hostile to you being with their mother. They didn't pick you, she did, and you aren't even her stepfather yet. And trust me when I say many stepfathers get the disrespect as well. What helped our household was to have new hub back off in the discipline department and for me and my ex to discipline together. Hub took on role as a friend. This probably goes against your grain (it did my hub at first), but they are HER children and SHE is the only one with a longterm relationship with them. I don't think boyfriends and steps should just step in there and do the discipline. You do not state what the problems are with these children, but you may want to re-evaluate your relationship with your girlfriend. The kids are part of the deal and she will likely choose her children over you if push comes to shove. You are not just taking her on...you are taking on all of her baggage. If it doesn't make you happy, taking the relationship further isn't going to change anything. If you dislike the children AS THEY ARE it is unlikely to get much better. If you still wish to stick it out, I recommend family counseling for all of you. You sound a bit hostile toward the kids, which is understandable. Steps and boyfriend are usually (not always) not as tolerant of the special needs children that they inherit. Where is birthfather in this? Does he see his children? This is also important. Children prefer their parents to stay together, even if it is intolerable to the adult, and the boyfriend or step becomes the bad guy. You can't avoid this under most (not all) circumstances. Things did not improve in our house until hub saw the wisdom of stepping back. Now my older kids are grown and get along great with my hub (probably better than with their bio. dad). However, it took a long time before the kids really understood why there was a divorce and why Mom picked somebody else to be in her life. Stepping into a situation with difficult children is a challenge that not everyone can handle. If you can't do family counseling, you may want to go into counseling just for yourself to see if this is what you want for the rest of your life. Welcome to the board. Lots of smart people hang out here :) [/QUOTE]
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