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<blockquote data-quote="MuM_of_OCD_kiddo" data-source="post: 454721" data-attributes="member: 12241"><p>Hi Chris,</p><p></p><p>in order to get a better idea of the kid in question, I took a moment to read some of your old posts and by extension some of your girlfriend/SO as well. I think you are brave in taking on and trying to parent this kid - kudos to you. I would think your stress level is really out the roof - I know all about being the one who is making the moola and paying the bills and at times having virtually no $$$ left over with a lot of month left to cover [the fate of many selfemployed folks in this economy], and the urge to catch up on bills and get a little security green tucked away again. Couple that with a serious difficult child in the family and trying to step parent and have a good relationship with your girlfriend as well - that is a tall order!</p><p></p><p>I kind of agree with some of the other advice you have been given, in letting the mom do the parenting and disciplining - <strong>in accordance to the guidelines you both have decided on</strong>. If you two are not presenting a strong unit in front of the kids [no matter if you all disagree or argue about it behind closed doors], it'll add an entire new dimension to the problems and the power games and manipulations many of our difficult children run on us. If you two do not communicate well about this, or one thing is agreed upon, but not followed through with by you or your girlfriend - then you have serious relationship issues, and this will be something that will be hanging over your head for years to come. I would like to suggest counseling for you two as a couple [as well as the young man if he doesn't receive any yet], and I think it is very important that you both learn to detach and simultaneously work on getting him help as well.</p><p></p><p>If you think he is hard to handle now at 13 or 14, wait until puberty and hormones fully kick in, it will really get hard to hang on then. You need to talk to her and both get on the same page, else there will be no making your relationship go anywhere in the long run. Hang in there, and do give some serious thought about getting counseling - if not couples therapy, then for yourself for clarity. Friendly Hugs to you both!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MuM_of_OCD_kiddo, post: 454721, member: 12241"] Hi Chris, in order to get a better idea of the kid in question, I took a moment to read some of your old posts and by extension some of your girlfriend/SO as well. I think you are brave in taking on and trying to parent this kid - kudos to you. I would think your stress level is really out the roof - I know all about being the one who is making the moola and paying the bills and at times having virtually no $$$ left over with a lot of month left to cover [the fate of many selfemployed folks in this economy], and the urge to catch up on bills and get a little security green tucked away again. Couple that with a serious difficult child in the family and trying to step parent and have a good relationship with your girlfriend as well - that is a tall order! I kind of agree with some of the other advice you have been given, in letting the mom do the parenting and disciplining - [B]in accordance to the guidelines you both have decided on[/B]. If you two are not presenting a strong unit in front of the kids [no matter if you all disagree or argue about it behind closed doors], it'll add an entire new dimension to the problems and the power games and manipulations many of our difficult children run on us. If you two do not communicate well about this, or one thing is agreed upon, but not followed through with by you or your girlfriend - then you have serious relationship issues, and this will be something that will be hanging over your head for years to come. I would like to suggest counseling for you two as a couple [as well as the young man if he doesn't receive any yet], and I think it is very important that you both learn to detach and simultaneously work on getting him help as well. If you think he is hard to handle now at 13 or 14, wait until puberty and hormones fully kick in, it will really get hard to hang on then. You need to talk to her and both get on the same page, else there will be no making your relationship go anywhere in the long run. Hang in there, and do give some serious thought about getting counseling - if not couples therapy, then for yourself for clarity. Friendly Hugs to you both! [/QUOTE]
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